Never mind Selena Gomez -- the rest of these guys are surprisingly funny.

For those of you keeping track at home, a rundown of celebrities and their opinions of President Obama. Plus, dogs wearing underwear!

For decades, Jackie Chan's been rapidly kicking, jumping out of trees, and breaking every bone in his body to entertain audiences. Now, Chan says that his Buster Keaton-inspired kung fu days are over. While promoting his new movie, Chinese Zodiac, Chan said, "I want to be an Asian Robert DeNiro," claiming that he was "too old" to continue doing action films. As he's 58, he should be granted that wish.

Before smirking commences, Chan has taken on a smattering of dramatic roles in the past, going as far back as the first Police Story movie and as recently as 2009's crime drama, Shinjuku Incident.

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Zooey Deschanel's Siri ad continues to draw the ire of people everywhere who are tired of her "trying-to-be-cute-by-trying-to-be-a-moron-but-it's-all-set-to-acoustic-guitars-so-it's-okay" aesthetic. Some brilliant mind out there created a Zooey Asks Siri Twitter that features probable questions that the Queen of Twee would ask her iPhone. Such gems include:

• Siri, can you recycle dust bunnies?
• Siri, make a note: "I mean, how much basil does tomato soup need, am I right? It's like, what am I, a basil monster?"
• Siri, make a mote [sic]: "Boobs are kind of weird, you know? They're like, bags of jiggly tofu under your skin."

Deschanel has yet to comment, though HelloGiggles will probably do a mock "Siri Asks Zooey" blog post in which they defend their Queen/co-founder from the meanies of the Internets.

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Although she's rumored to be carrying famed rapper, Brian Austin Green's, child, Jonah Hex star, Megan Fox won't dignify such questions while peddling her new gig as the face of the mall's answer to Sky Mall, Sharper Image, as evidenced when Fox's publicist pumped the brakes on Steve Jones' hilariously tactless way to get her to talk about babies.

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Late yesterday, gossip sites almost broke when this picture of Queen of the Universe Angelina Jolie surfaced, in which she's rocking some serious jewelry. Nothing was confirmed until late Friday night, when Brad Pitt's rep gave the ol' wink and the gun in the form of a "yes, they are" press statement.

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Celebrities Are Creepy Like Us of the Day: Creepy old man Jim Carrey wistfully reflects on his desire for actress Emma Stone, who is a year younger than his daughter Jane, in a creepy "comedy routine."

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