Clearly what's going on here is our pony-tailed Pokemon trainer at hand is too low a level to tame the marshmallow-toned blubbery beast of a beluga.
Primaries loom heavy on the horizon and we're all focused on the big, weighty stuff that matters, like who will run this country into the ground slow as possible, or potentially effect some real, quantifiable positive change—psyche.
Rubio's gleaming, stack-heeled ankle boots he wore whilst out campaigning in New Hampshire January 3rd, are the talk of the allegedly politically-savvy town. Look at these sick puppies:
Marco Rubio is rocking some seriously fashionable black boots today in New Hampshire. pic.twitter.com/lwiSWuuCUt— Michael Barbaro (@mikiebarb) January 4, 2016
And what would what appears as a percolating apocalyptic political fallout be without Rand Paul dropping a video on Twitter where we basically watch him put on a Rubio-mocking fashion show in Whoopi Goldberg's dressing room.
At least Rubio capitalized on all this child's play when he released the following statement that calls this clusterf*ck of nonsensical schoolyard bullying out for what it is:
"Let me get this right," Rubio said in his speech. "ISIS is cutting people's heads off, setting people on fire in cages, Saudi Arabia and Iran on the verge of a war, the Chinese are landing airplanes on islands that they built and say belong to them in what are international waters and in some ways territorial waters, our economy is flat-lined, the stock market is falling apart, but boy are we getting a lot of coverage about a pair of boots. This is craziness. People, have they lost their minds?"
The upside, and that is if there's any glimmer of 'win' here, is that this video's vaguely reminiscent of Far Far Away Idol; and this is a great thing, because we're going to watch that now.
In reality though, Jeb Bush broke through the ceiling of weird with this campaign video that's actually more bizarre and a staggeringly less amount of awesome than Far Far Away Idol.
This is what happens when you're the Canucks and you put a halt on the Florida Panthers 12-game winning streak. On and off the ice Floridians are bound to stir some sh*t up.
At least we have here a miraculous, spontaneous display of Panthers broadcaster Dennis Potvin throwing out a straight up elementary schoolyard-caliber burn at the Sedin twins.
Hahaha what does this even mean pic.twitter.com/55HX1li3yO— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) January 12, 2016
The original photos received with disapproval from Mr. Pugh:
Just cause you're on the run, doesn't mean you stop caring about the looks--good and bad.
"This photo was sent to us by Mr Pugh himself," Lima Police Department wrote in a post.
"Man, they just did me wrong," Mr Pugh disclosed while on an Ohio radio station about why he sent the selfie in the first place.
"They put a picture out that made me look like I was a Thundercat... or James Brown on the run. I can't do that.
Fans of this madness even banded together to pitch their efforts together, and start up a Facebook page for Pugh.
Kudos to the young and seemingly continually controversial stud for his commitment to maintaining his sobriety; but dude, mega props for this sweats and socks-tucked-in combo. At least his lady lover friend Mia Goth (the two have been dating on and off since 2012) doesn't mind.
In other news, LaBeouf just won a lawsuit against his uncle, and will receive a $1 million dollar payout. It sounds like LaBeouf's uncle Barry Said is one lowballing, cheap son of a wayward son; and in short, never came through on paying Shia back for an $800,000 loan.
Seriously. Just pay him back!