crime

Via: Uproxx
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Bright and early Thursday morning, Couch's mother, Tonya Couch, returned--not by choice, mind you--to Los Angeles in a malestrom of controversy, where she was then arrested for allegedly helping her son flee the country.

The media however picked up and ran with a different, but beautifully ridiculous tidbit: Tonya's a stone cold knockout doppelganger for 'Carrot Top.'

Like, wait, what now?

news-fail-condom-robbery-explosion
Via: ABC News
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The poor fella needed protection from the protection he so adamantly, and somehow recklessly tried to acquire.

ABC News reports the 29-year-old man and a couple his buddies planned to steal the condoms by blowing the rubbers vending machine to smithereens.

Amidst the explosion the three fools took shelter in a car nearby, but the victim failed to close his door, and took a fatal shot to the noggin from a flying piece of metal.

news-miami-crime-woman-arrested-drugs-wal-mart-chicken-wine
Via: CBS Miami
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Brought to you fresh and fried out of Lecanto, Florida, The Citrus County Sheriff's Office arrested a woman on shoplifting and drug paraphernalia charges. She was apprehended amidst a shopping cart fueled joyride out of hell.

The woman's been identified as Josseleen Elida Lopez, 25. Lopez was held after scarfing down $32.36 worth of food and wine. She told the authorities she's homeless.

If you're going to hit rock bottom, at least eat some chicken, and wash it down with some wine right? In all seriousness we wish Lopez the best on her road to recovery. Deputies disclosed to the press that they found two empty syringes after arresting Lopez, which she claims she used to inject crystal meth.

news-chicago-police-officer-shoots-kills-black-teen-male-old-woman
Via: Mashable
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A Chicago police officer shot and killed 19-year-old black man Quintonio Legrier, and 55-year-old black woman Bettie Jones this morning, while responding to a domestic disturbance call, officials said.

As officers were called to the scene this morning at 4:25AM they were informed Legrier was seen brandishing a baseball bat, and in an evolving confrontation with his father. The officers described the young Legrier as a "combative subject."

Legrier's mother told the press his son was dealing with mental issues and was prone to loud, but never violent behavior.

"My son has seven bullet wounds in him," Cooksey told WLS-TV. "That's too much." Police disclosed the shooting is under current investigation, and has been referred to Chicago's main police oversight agency.

Via: FOX5
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No means no—yup, even to twerking.

Video of two women twerking on and groping a man at a gas station in Washington, D.C has led to one of the suspect's arrest.

Footage released by Metropolitan Police Department on Nov. 9 shows two women sexually assaulting a man by grinding on him and trying to gab his crotch.

Inside the store, the man asked the clerk for help and got this reply: "What do you want me to do?"

The man said the two women followed him outside to continue the assault.

The woman in custody has been charged with third-degree sexual abuse and police are offering a $1,000 for information leading to the other suspect's arrest.

Crime of The Day: Man Kills 'Zombie' Friend After Binge-Watching 'The Walking Dead'
Via: USA TODAY
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A man who had just finished binge-watching The Walking Dead on Netflix told police he killed his friend because the victim was slowly turning into a zombie.

Police say the New Mexico man, 23-year-old Damon Perry, beat his pal to death with an electric guitar and microwave before being taken into custody for threatening people with a knife around his apartment complex.

Wow, no chill.

Two maintenance workers held down the man before police arrived.

He was taken into custody where he told police his friend tried to bite him, Walker style.

A local newspaper says Perry was intoxicated at the time of arrest.

Did the suspect look something like this?

WTF of The Day: Woman Sends Notes to Neighbor Saying She Wants to Eat Their Children
Via: WCOO
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"The children look delicious. May I have a taste?"

Whoa.

Police say that's the message in a letter sent to a Minnesota family by a disgruntled neighbor who was angry the family's young children were being loud.

The note came from 38-year-old Carrie Pernula, who is now facing charges of gross misdemeanor terroristic threats and stalking.

"She was angry because the kids were leaving things in her yard and I think being a little noisy, being kids, the way kids are," Champlin Deputy Police Chief Ty Schmidt told WCOO.

She also reportedly sent magazine subscriptions to the family under the name of "Your Tasty Children."

Pernula must have been watching too much Hocus Pocus.

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