Facebook is preparing a dislike button
Via: Recode
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You know you hate just about most of the things that you see on Facebook. The baby pictures, the couples in gooey love, the political nonsense, the insanely inaccurate information, the list goes on forever and grows every day.

Well, rejoice, you cynical a**holes.

Mark Zuckerberg confirmed during a Facebook headquarters Q&A Sept. 15.

According to Re/code:

"I think people have asked about the dislike button for many years. Today is a special day because today is the day I can say we're working on it and shipping it," Zuckerberg said.

He told the audience that the company realized people want to express emotions other than positivity, especially around posts about sensitive subjects like the Syrian refugee crisis.

He didn't give further information as to what the "Dislike" button might look like. We could look to the new "reactions" product from workplace chatting app Slack as a possibility. Slack's reactions allow people to comment with a full range of emojis on others' posts, which leads to everything from check marks to laughter and food images to animated hands clapping.

We won't put all of our eggs in this thumbs down basket just yet. This is in direct opposition to what Zuckerberg said just nine months ago when he said there were no plans to introduce such a thing.

But if you'd like to take today's news as the truth, then strap on your dancin' hooves and get hatin'.

Woman Posts Engagement Photos With Life-Size Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Balloon Leonardo
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Turtle love is bodacious, dude!

That's what Jenn Kaminski, a self-described "unemployed creative" in LA, wants you to know. She's found true love, which just happens to be in the shape of a life-size Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Leonardo balloon.

The happy couple posted their announcement on Facebook this week in a set of hilarious engagement photos.

"Me and my bae decided to take a couple's photo shoot today. I think we look great," Kaminski wrote.

With the help of three of her friends, Kaminski was able to capture these precious moments forever. But why did they go through all of this trouble?

"We simply had a birthday balloon, an overabundance of free time and too many engagement photos in our Newsfeeds," they wrote.

Best wishes on your impending nuptials, Jenn and Leonardo. May your life be filled with years and years of pizza!

Facebook says 'lol' ain't happening.
Via: Facebook
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Inspired by an New Yorker article on expressing laughter, Facebook decided to see how it's billions of users choose to show their laughter.

While you would expect that 'lol' would take the cackling cake, because it was burned into our collective brains through insipid over-use during Internet's 2.0 days, it turns out those three terrible letters are on the decline. Facebook ran their analytic numbers and gave us several graphs to plot out how America chuckles online.

[W]hy rely on anecdotes when you have data? We analyzed de-identified posts and comments posted on Facebook in the last week of May with at least one string of characters matching laughter1. We did the matching with regular expressions which automatically identified laughter in the text, including variants of haha, hehe, emoji, and lol2.

As denizens of the Internet will know, laughter is quite common: 15% of people included laughter in a post or comment that week. The most common laugh is haha, followed by various emoji and hehe. Age, gender and geographic location play a role in laughter type and length: young people and women prefer emoji, whereas men prefer longer hehes. People in Chicago and New York prefer emoji, while Seattle and San Francisco prefer hahas.

Here's an overall usage of the four most common types of e-laughs:

Here's a gender analysis:

Here's a city evaluation:

Here's an age plotting:

If you're a maps person, here's a state by state break down:

Of course, the data is pretty compacted. There's no mention of 'lolz', 'lawlz' or even 'lololololololol'. Not to mention 'huehuehue'.

And where's this?

How do you laugh online as a digital expression with no inherent humanity?

It's been a tough time for Subway.

First their long-time spokesman Jared Fogle's house was searched by the FBI in connection with child pornography and then details emerged from a subpoena detailing his Craiglist relationship with a minor.

Subway responded on their Facebook page Aug. 1, but fans only wanted to discuss their favorite sub shop.

eat fresh,facebook,Great Sub Style Chris,Subway,Jared
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You still can’t actually dislike someone’s post on Facebook, but now you can use the social network to end your marriage.

A New York Supreme Court justice has ruled that a woman named Ellanora Baidoo can legally serve her husband a divorce summons through Facebook messenger.

She legally married Victor Sena Blood-Dzraku back in 2009, but because he wouldn’t go through with a traditional Ghanaian wedding ceremony, she now wants out of the relationship. They separated, and the only way she has been able to contact him is on the phone or through Facebook, so there has been no way to get him the required paperwork.

Until now. Her lawyer will be messaging him once a week for three weeks, or until he finally responds.

A 2013 study suggested that excessive Facebook usage is likely to cause relationship problems in the first place, which could lead to a breakup or divorce.

So it’s all now just an endless cycle of drama and heartbreak online.

And until your soon-to-be ex responds, it’s probably best to change your status to “It’s Complicated.”

Via: RWW Blog
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Advice of the Day: Pat Robertson Warns Moms of Covens, Curses If Posting Ultrasound to Facebook

It’s one thing to get a little annoyed at anyone posting too many baby pictures on Facebook, and then there’s this.

‘700 Club’ host Pat Robertson was answering some viewer mail on Monday, and he got one from a woman who wanted to know if it was safe for her daughter to post a picture of her unborn child online.

She wanted to know if this would have any harm, spiritually.

And then Roberston went all “American Horror Story” on us.

“There are demons and there are evil people in the world,” he said. “And you post a picture like that, and some cultist gets a hold of it or a coven and they begin muttering curses against an unborn child.”

As a reminder, this is the same man who thinks gays with AIDS wear rings to purposely cut and infect people, joked that man should move to Saudi Arabia to beat his wife and called the 2010 earthquake in Haiti a “blessing in disguise.”

Via: Claycord
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Facebook and Instagram were down for a brief period of time on Monday, and this was enough to send some people into a panic.

The local 911 dispatcher in the East Bay area of California told the Claycord blog that they received 5 different calls from people complaining about the outage.

“Our lines are [sic] dedicated to handle life and death calls, and even though Facebook is important to a lot of people, it’s not a matter of life and death when it stops working,” the dispatcher said. “One caller even called back to tell me I was being rude because I told her it wasn’t a life threatening emergency.”

The hacker group Lizard Squad initially claimed responsibility for the outage, but Facebook later issued a statement denying the group’s involvement.

“Earlier today many people had trouble accessing Facebook and Instagram,” they said. “This was not the result of a third party attack but instead occurred after we introduced a change that affected our configuration systems. We moved quickly to fix the problem, and both services are back to 100% for everyone.”

Fortunately it only lasted an hour, so these 5 terrible people were able to quickly get back to posting selfies, babies and gross food pictures. PHEW.

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