KFC's Newest Menu Item? Deep-Fried Towel

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KFC's Newest Menu Item? Deep-Fried Towel
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From the Huffington Post:

Krystal Henderson, 29, and 7-year-old Oliver Hallam purchased takeout from a KFC branch in Killingsworth, according to the Express. At home, Oliver took a bite out of what he assumed was chicken, but recoiled seconds later. "He pulled it out of his mouth and when he did, it pulled away the batter - you could see the blue roll inside," Henderson said, according to the Daily Mail. Henderson said that realizing Oliver had bitten into a paper towel was worse than if it had just been bad chicken.

So, How in the World Did This Painter Get His Dude-Bits Stuck in a Pipe for Two Whole Days?

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So, How in the World Did This Painter Get His Dude-Bits Stuck in a Pipe for Two Whole Days?
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According to Lan Tien, "It was hot so I was painting the wall in the nude, and I slipped on the floor causing my private parts to fall inside the pipe that was protruding from the wall to take water outside from the air conditioning unit. Unfortunately, I got stuck as a result." One might use this as a teaching moment to talk about the safety of one's tally-whacker in the open air, but all we're left wondering is just HOW your jingle-jank can "fall" into an open pipe.

These are the mysteries of life, people.