Full Page Ad of the Day: Eugene Mirman Pays for a Very Public Parking Ticket Protest

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Eugene Mirman takes out a full page ad protesting his parking ticket.
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Eugene Mirman is angry about a parking ticket, so he took out a full page ad in a Portsmouth, New Hampshire local newspaper ad to prove it.

The hilarious comedian, most recently featured as Gene in Bob's Burgers, lays out his whole infuriated argument in the large, public letter seen and posted on reddit by user jgb919.



If you don't want to strain your eyes, here's the complete transcript.

Dear Portsmouth, NH, and Especially the Parking Clerk's Office,

Last June I had a wonderful day walking around your historic downtown with my girlfriend. I bought two puppets, who turned out to be gay. Just kidding, they're puppets. We stopped in cute shops, ate a popover and saw Black David Cross. It was nice.

Then — when we returned to our car, on the windshield was a ticket. "What could this possibly be for," I thought. I paid for three hours of parking (but only used two — you're welcome, Portsmouth.) Is it a crime in Portsmouth to not use all of the parking you bought? How'd you know I'd be back early? Do you have a PreCrime division? Why are your PreCogs working on traffic tickets? Shouldn't they be out preventing Street Performers before they happen? But no, I read the violation—we backed into a spot and were being fined $15 for being "parked in the wrong direction."

What kind of horse$&it charge is that? It's illegal to back into a spot? Before I embarrass myself, I want to make sure that Portsmouth is still inside the United States and not considered a part of Iran?

You're probably thinking, "Well, if before visiting Portsmouth, like everyone else — you'd simply gone to the City Clerk's Office website, clicked on City of Portsmouth ordinances and looked in chapter seven — Vehicles, Traffic and Parking. Right there in section 7.316: BACK TO CURB, it says, "No vehicle shall remain backed up to the curb." Similarly, if you had gone to my website before I came to your city and clicked on Eugene's ordinances, you'd know that in Chapter One under "F%#K You Don't Steal My Money," in section 8.215 is says, "F%#K You Don't Steal My Money."

But even if I had gone to your website — is states that the online ordinances are not an official copy — that for the official ordinances, I have to call 610-7245. Why no area code? Am I calling from a local payphone in 1986? But instead, I foolishly looked around for signs, both real and from God. I saw nothing, but I heard God's voice, and he said, "This is f%#cking bull$&it. You need to write them a letter."

Lastly, as you know, New Hampshire's state motto is General John Stark's celebrated quote, "Live Free or Die," which he famously said before attempting the first recorded self-BJ. If John Stark was alive today, he would be 287 years old — also, right after learning about cars, General Stark would then be disgusted ti discover that Portsmouth doesn't even give peopple the freedom to back into a spot — which by your own state's twisted logic, turns my $15 ticket — into a fight to the death.

With Great Disappointment In You,
Eugene Mirman



Do you know what makes it even more delightful? It's not the first time he's done this.

He sent a letter to Time Warner Cable in 2011 for being a terrible cable company.



What do you expect from the man who titled one of his comedy albums En Garde, Society?

Fail of the Day: Israeli Paper Photoshops Women Out of Charlie Hebdo Rally

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Have you seen Angela Merkel?

The Announcer (HaMevaser), a small orthodox newspaper in Israel, has removed all female world leaders from a photo at the rally against terrorism last weekend in Paris.

Missing from the image is Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel, Paris mayor Anne Hidalgo, Denmark Prime Minister Helle Thorington-Schmidt and European Union foreign policy chief Federica Mogherini.

Here is the original photo:



"Including a picture of a woman into something so sacred, as far as we are concerned, it can desecrate the memory of the martyrs and not the other way around," said editor Binyamin Lipkin.

In the ultra-orthodox community showing women in photos is typically a big no-no, due to modesty concerns, and Lipkin said he was worried about what children might think.

Altering a news photo at a march focused around issues of censorship and free speech is bad enough as is, but the paper's photoshop skills aren't that great either.

Here's a closeup shot of a stray black glove, with no body attached.

A New Zealand Newspaper Just Ran a Photo of Ryan Dunn Instead of an Israeli Soldier's

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From the Independent:

The New Zealand Herald has apologised to the family of Israeli soldier Guy Boyland after it accidentally ran a photo of the late Jackass star Ryan Dunn alongside a story reporting the sergeant's death.

Latin American Paper Publimetro Just Committed the Worst Ad Placement Crime in Recent Memory

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No, that is not a cynically-crafted Photoshop job. You can see the whole thing right here.

Publimetro is the Latin American branch of the Swedish Metro media company (no relation to UK's Metro). What you're looking at here is indeed their coverage of the escalating conflict on the Gaza strip plastered with a full-page ad for the newest Transformers movie. Perhaps Publimetro has the scoop on Israel's "Iron Dome" defense system (ACTUALLY AN AUTOBOT, PERHAPS IRONHIDE) or maybe it's some kind of ironic commentary on the commoditization of war... or maybe it's just a sad statement about the struggles of print media in a digital age.

Point is, let's never mix real life-threatening missiles and Michael Bay missiles ever again, shall we?

For the record, the cover story of this issue is about the World Cup. Of course:

Touché of the Day: The Best Trolling Advice to a Homophobic Parent

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Advice Columnist, Amy Dickinson, lays in to a half-assed, ignoramus of a parent in response to this person expressed that his or her son is only "being gay" in revenge for "forgetting his birthday for the past three years."

Artsy Fart of the Day: Classic Newspaper Photos Transformed into Selfies

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The South African Newspaper, Cape Times , cleverly took a number of famous photos and digitally modified them to appear as though they're selfies for a recent ad campaign. Each photo is accompanied with the tagline: "You can't get closer to the news."

This Isn’t Shopped of the Day

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In what appears to be a terrible misfortune of oversight, the South Carolinian newspaper Rock Hill Herald has issued an apology after running a large advertisement for firearm sales alongside its coverage of the Connecticut school shooting in the Saturday edition. While the editor of the newspaper explained that it wasn't intentional on anyone's part as the ad placement had been determined on Thursday morning prior to the tragic development on the next day, he also acknowledged the fault on failing to recognize the mishap before running the paper for delivery on Saturday morning.

Believe it or not, a similar episode had been previously reported back in July, when The Denver Post displayed a banner ad for shotguns directly above its coverage of Aurora theater mass shooting in Colorado and subsequently issued an apology.