What the Heck is Going on Here? A Man Looking for His Lost Son is Told He's Been Found... in His Own Basement.

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So, a little setup for this one: Firstly, Nancy Grace is a noxious demagogue and we shouldn't be humoring her. Just throwing that out there. Secondly, why would the child in question just... show up in the basement after all this time spent searching the house? And finally, dad here seems simultaneously defensive and elated in such a way that it's impossible to get a read on him. Point is, what in the heck is going on in this interview?

These Are All Actual Comments From the Story of One "Handsome" Criminal Arrest

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These Are All Actual Comments From the Story of One "Handsome" Criminal Arrest
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According to the original story, the suspect was seized in an Operation Ceasefire sweep, a program that specifically targets youth gun violence. The comments, on the other hand, seem to make this case look like something else entirely.

The lesson? Never look at the comments section.

So, How in the World Did This Painter Get His Dude-Bits Stuck in a Pipe for Two Whole Days?

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So, How in the World Did This Painter Get His Dude-Bits Stuck in a Pipe for Two Whole Days?
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According to Lan Tien, "It was hot so I was painting the wall in the nude, and I slipped on the floor causing my private parts to fall inside the pipe that was protruding from the wall to take water outside from the air conditioning unit. Unfortunately, I got stuck as a result." One might use this as a teaching moment to talk about the safety of one's tally-whacker in the open air, but all we're left wondering is just HOW your jingle-jank can "fall" into an open pipe.

These are the mysteries of life, people.

Censorship of the Day: A Utah High School is in Hot Water After its Female Students Were Made More "Modest" Through the Magic of Photoshop

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Censorship of the Day: A Utah High School is in Hot Water After its Female Students Were Made More "Modest" Through the Magic of Photoshop
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Several young women (and this only happened with young women, mind you), were surprised to find this week that their yearbook photos had been altered by Wasatch High School staff to appear more modest. Necklines magically rose up and once bare shoulders are now covered by hack-job Photoshop work.

Even better is the non-apology apology issued by superintendent Terry E. Schoemaker: "We only apologize in the sense that we want to be more consistent with what we're trying to do in that sense we can help kids better prepare for their future by knowing how to dress appropriately for things."

Here are a few more of the photos in question, courtesy of MyFox8:





Hat tip to Uproxx.

Santa Claus Here Wanted to Pay His Ex-Wife a Visit Through the Chimney

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It took the effort of nearly 25 firefighters to get the man out, a complicated process given that every breath he took would lodge him further into the chimney.