Keep your friends close, and make sure your enemies can't touch your stuff. Turns out people will break your nice things and steal your pills. Even if it's something like dog ear medicine.
If you came here to here about brothers who fart on you, sisters who also fart on you, loud grandpa sneezes and abysmally terrific dad jokes, then you came to the right place. It's kinda wholesome, but also kind of realistically stupid and gross. If you're in it for the puns, here are some of tumblr's most punishingly dad-tastic jokes.
We're not sure how many OSHA laws this violates.
When Madeline Madison showed up to shoot Milk Maids 2 (the first one must have been a real success to spin off a sequel), she was confused why she wouldn't meet the man on whom she would perform fellatio. You know, for the fans out there.
In an interview covered inElite Daily Madison said:
The producers wouldn't let me meet the man I was sucking off beforehand, which I found odd, because normally we always meet and greet our scene partner. I like to make an emotional connection with my fellow actor before a scene. I even try to quickly fall in love with them, if I can, as it makes my job so much easier for me if I'm truly in love with the man I'm about ready to f*ck.
Seems like a tricky situation and one, in any other workplace, that would be a deal breaker.
But in the fast-paced, high-powered world of adult film, you commit to your sexual encounters.
Unfortunately, and allegedly unbeknownst to Madison, the fellatio scene was a glory hole romp that featured her little brother Chuck Tang on the other side of the wall.
When Madison found out, she said she was devastated and is suing the film company for $3.2 million.
The director, Jameel Mendoza, took this whole thing down to an even grosser level, by insisting Madison relates and incorrect version of the events.
She's a liar. [She] will do anything for money. We normally would have paid a third-rate talent like her $25 for a single glory hole scene, but we agreed to $100 because it was with her brother. Let's not forget this is the same girl who allowed herself to be penetrated by the head of a dead Anaconda in Snake Hole. She has no moral standards.
If you're looking for someone to blame for this buffet of sin, Madison hints that you should point your finger at Japan.
The company doesn't show real inc*st with past titles, but with me and my little brother being known, they've now caught real inc*st on camera which will make them billions in Japan. The Japanese love inc*st.
Who would have thought the adult film industry was so full of unsavory characters?