christmas tree expert comedian joe pera makes things awkward on midwest morning news shows
Via: Splitsider
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For some reason, picking out the perfect Christmas tree puts people on pins and needles. Let’s get something straight, the only needles you should be on are the ones that fall from your tree.

That’s enough kidding around becuase finding the perfect tree can make or break your Christmas. So unless you want to have a terrible Christmas and have your family hate you, you better listen to stand-up comic and unaccredited Christmas tree enthusiast Joe Pera. He might not be a professional, but he knows a thing or two and loves to help. He also has an Adult Swim special on the subject

Pera recently appeared on a Detroit local news show to help the morning crew pick out the perfect tree. He tells them about his trip to Anderson’s tree farm in Newbury, Michigan, where the farm’s proprietor Merle and his wife Caroline taught him a whole lot. The segment, with the stuttering and dead air, is as soothing as they are unsettling.

The whole thing is delightfully awkward in the best way possible, and when this anchor tells him that she uses a plastic tree, well, things get tense.

via Splitsider

He made the rounds that morning, delivering Christmas tree to a few other shows to similar results.

Via: Hang Chu
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Silent night. Holy night. Artificial Intelligence, right? Sort of.

Look, we all know that eventually artificial intelligence will replace humanity. There’s nothing we can do to stop that. But it would seem that researchers at the University of Toronto are looking to speed things along.

Inverse reports that in a test to see how well A.I. could master the feeling the of holiday cheer and yuletide sentiment, the researchers forced a computer program to look at a picture of a Christmas tree and write a song about it. Not only are they proving that A.I. can write songs — which explains Coldplay — but also that it can capture the feelings associated with the holidays, decidedly human feelings.

via Reddit

Well sort of. The lyrics don’t instill a lot of faith in our new A.I. overlords:

“Lots to decorate the room/The Christmas tree is filled with flowers.

I swear it is Christmas Eve/I hope that is what you say.

The Best Christmas present in the world is a blessing/

I’ve always been there for the rest of our lives.

A hundred and a half hour ago/ I’m glad to meet you.

I can hear the music coming from the hall/ A fair tale

A Christmas tree. There are lots and lots and lots of flowers.”

Of course this could be code, which we will only decipher until after it’s too late, especially the cryptic line “I’ve always been there for the rest of our lives.” In fact, what we’re probably hearing here is not a Christmas song, but some sort of National Anthem for the United States of Artificial Intelligence.

via Gifs Boom

We are in so much trouble.

Via: Google
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With less than 20 days until Christmas, people are flooding 5th Avenue in New York to get a glimpse at their legendary holiday window displays.

It happens every year, and every year you have to push through a warm tourists screaming at each other. It's as if these families don't actually want to come to this thing because they spend the whole time screaming at each other. It's very unpleasant. Thankfully, like most things, technology is here to save us from spending time with other people.

You don’t want this to happen again, do you?


Of course not, which is why Google came up with Window Wonderland.

With Window Wonderland, Google allows you to take a virtual tour through the window displays. Finally, you have the chance to actually enjoy the streets of New York without getting splashed with mud by a passing cab. You can choose the experience, either let your mouse do the walking or put your phone three inches from your face and enjoy the VR experience. You can check out the South Park characters at Barney's or the dolls over at the American Girl store. It's really however you like celebrating the holidays. 


via Window Wonderland

Check it out and be more like dat boy becuase of it:


Christmas commercials are like onions in that they make sandwiches better. Wait, that’s not right. They’re like onions because they make you cry.

This Polish advertisement for the auction site Allegro is no different. Featuring an elderly man learning English for, well, let’s not ruin it. You have to watch this thing and feel something again. We all have to feel something again.

Twitter is having a good cry over this one. Check out some of the best reactions.

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The Elf on the Shelf is a horrific Christmas tradition.

Designed to scare children into good behavior, the Elf is a cheery-eyed Santa crony. He monitors children for the big man, reports back, and ultimately decides whether you end up on the naughty list or not.

Or so we’re told.


Since 2004, the Elf on the Shelf has terrorized children with its watchful gaze and frozen smile. Well, it’s time to pay the piper.

The father-son team over at What’s Inside took a razor to the Elf recently to reveal the plastic, cottony innards and shut down this ruse once in for all.

via Imgur

So what was inside? Did the spirits of a thousand convicted murderers flutter out of the Elf’s stomach?

Well, not exactly. It’s mostly just filled with catharsis, plastic beads, and cotton. Still, pretty great to watch this little creep get torn to shreds.

The First Rockefeller Christmas Tree Was a Real Charlie Brown Tree
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The annual Christmas tree lighting at 30 Rockefeller Center in New York City is a hallmark of the holiday season and has been since long before the “War on Christmas” began. Heck, it’ll probably be there long after the “War on Christmas” ends, if a day ever comes.

94 feet tall, the Norway spruce that lights up 30 Rock has five miles of mult-colored LEDs and a Swarovski star packed with 25,000 crystals. Modesty is not this tree’s strong suit. The same could not be said for the first Rockefeller Christmas tree, however. 

85 years ago, on Christmas eve 1931, construction workers stopped building Rockefeller Center long enough to put up a 20-foot-tall balsam tree, which they decorated with cranberries, paper, and tin cans. You can see this Charlie Brown-esque tree in the photo above, along with a foreman “standing on a wooden crate and passing out holiday checks and bonuses to laborers wearing overalls and boots coated in dust,” says Time.

via Randar

This was all during the depression, so everyone was understandably pretty miserable. In fact, Rockefeller Center construction was responsible for putting tens of thousands people back to work. “It was also the single largest and most expensive private development in the history of the world at the time,” says Daniel Okrent, author of Great Fortune: The Epic of Rockefeller Center and a former LIFE magazine managing editor.

Two years later, in 1933, the official Christmas tree lighting ceremony kicked off “when a 40-ft.-tall tree illuminated with 700 lights debuted outside the old RCA building. And while NBC broadcasted the festivities on the radio, the first televised tree lighting ceremony took place in 1951 on The Kate Smith Show.”

via Peanuts

austrian krampus festival celebrates goat demon with 100 krampus costumes
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It’s the most wonderful time of the year, when company Christmas parties begin springing up across the world. Who will have too much to drink and end up with a lampshade on their head? Probably you.

via Reddit

But that’s not really a huge problem in Austria because everyone’s afraid to leave their house? Why? What’s to be afraid of on Christmas? How about Krampus, the Austro-Bavaria Apliine folk-beast? Krampus is half goat, half demon, half party animal, and all evil.

Who would want to celebrate this kind of thing? Duh doi. The Austrians, who paraded Krampus costumes in the streets on Saturday for their annual Krampusnacht festival. Watch in horror as these anthropomorphic goat demons stalk the streets, threatening to beat bad children who will be praying for coal after a visit from this horned monster.

According to The Telegraph, “Thousands of people gather in Hollabrunn Market Square, Austria, to watch more than 120 Krampus impersonators take to the streets.”

Check out some terrifying footage of the festival. These costumes are amazing: 

via Telegraph

Whatever. This thing still isn’t scarier than Elf on a Shelf. Get outta here with that thing.

via Uproxx

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