History Lesson of The Day: Academic Claims Australians Have Accent Because Settlers Were Always Drunk
Via: The Age
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Have you ever wondered why Australians don't finish the ends of their words and generally sound like they're super chill?

It's because their ancestors were super chill. And super drunk.

Dean Frenkel, a communications expert at Victoria University in Melbourne, claims that early Australian settlers from Britain were big fans of alcohol. So much so, that they developed a slurred accent that lives on today.

"Our forefathers regularly got drunk together and through their frequent interactions unknowingly added an alcoholic slur to our national speech patterns," he wrote in The Age.

"For the past two centuries, from generation to generation, drunken Aussie-speak continues to be taught by sober parents to their children."

He says the average Australian only speaks at two-thirds capacity and with improper articulation.

What does the queen have to say about this lazy approach to language?

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Emma may have Down syndrome, autism and a cleft palette, but this video proves that hasn't kept her from starting a business as a paper shredder for businesses.

Her mother, Jo, was so determined to help her daughter find independence that the two of them brain stormed ideas on what work she could do that make everyone happy. Emma loved shredding paper and the rest is almost history.

Receiving employment was only the first step in branching out to shredding paper for multiple businesses. And with a name like Master Shredder, which does indeed come from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' archenemy, how can she lose?

Well done, Master Shredder!

Haircut of the Day: Rogue Australian Sheep Gets 90 Pounds Of Fleece Removed
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There's nothing like an new haircut to put a pep in your step.

But this Australian sheep is probably feeling a little better than with the average haircut. And that's because he is also 90 pounds lighter.

A Canberra sheep named Chris was recently captured by animal welfare workers after getting lost from his herd for more than two years. It seems that during this time he really let himself go.

Chris' fleece was sheered off Thursday by four-time national shearing champion Ian Elkins, and it weighed in at around 90 pounds, easily topping the previous record.

Fleece this large can cause serious health problems, said RSPCA ACT chief executive Tammy Ven Dange.

"It can actually make it impossible for them to go to the bathroom. We don't know how bad the damage could be because this has been building for awhile," she said.

Chris is reportedly in good health, and will likely join a local herd to live out the rest of his (lighter) days.

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And here's reason number 195708 to never trust anything on the Internet.

A woman by the name of Natalie Amyot fooled a lot of people this week by uploading a video claiming that she was looking for the father of her unborn child. As it turns out, this was all a horrible viral marketing stunt.

The story goes that Amyot met a man on vacation in Australia's Sunny Coast, fell in love with him and lost contact when she went back to France.

Now, six weeks later she is back in Australia looking for her lost love/baby daddy.

She even set up a Facebook account for people to reach out with information about the mystery man.

But a new video posted Tuesday revealed the entire story to be a hoax. A man joins her on screen and spills the beans.

"This has been a viral video for Holiday Mooloolaba. My name is Andy Sellar and I own a company called Sunny Coast social media," he says to the camera.

So, there you have it. Everything is marketing. And the Internet is a horrible place.

An Australian professor put an ear in his arm for art.
Via: ABC
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Australian professor and artist Stelarc wants the world to hear him. He just has an unorthodox plan to get there.

The head of the Alternate Anatomies Laboratory at Curtin University is in the process of growing a human ear under his left arm, from a bio-polymer scaffold implanted there.

ABC plots the route of this project from conception to implant.

Stelarc first conceived the idea in 1996, but it took another decade to find the medical team willing to make it a reality.

They were recruited from around the world to insert a scaffold underneath his skin.

Within six months, tissue and blood vessels had developed around the structure.

"The ear is pretty much now a part of my arm, it's fixed to my arm and it has its own blood supply," he said.

The next step is to make the ear more three-dimensional — lifting it up off the arm and growing an ear lobe from Stelarc's stem cells.

After that, Stelarc wants to implant a microphone, recording all that happens around him as if it were a functioning ear. He wants anyone to have access to the live audio via Internet.

"There won't be an on-off switch," Stelarc told ABC. "If I'm not in a wi-fi hotspot or I switch off my home modem, then perhaps I'll be offline, but the idea actually is to try to keep the ear online all the time."

Art, y'all.

Vegemite might be limited so people don't make alcohol out of it.
Via: BBC
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Some Australian officials have begun clamoring for a limited ban on the national condiment Vegemite.

If you've ever tried the stuff, especially if you have an American palette, you may want the yeasty brown spread to be banned on its taste merits. But those officials have a different desire to get rid of the stuff, according to the BBC

Indigenous Affairs Minister Nigel Scullion described the salty spread as a "precursor to misery".

He said it was being bought in bulk to make moonshine.

Brewer's yeast is a key ingredient in the spread and is used in the production of beer and ale.

In communities where alcohol is banned because of addiction problems, Mr Scullion said Vegemite sales should also be restricted.

It's not something that Prime Minister Tony Abbott is espousing, but it has many champions in the right-leaning government of Australia.

See, but, the thing is: it's not possible to make alcohol out of vegemite.

As they detail in this Gizmodo article, you can't remove the brewer's yeast from the Vegemite.

that the yeast in Vegemite is deactivated as it's processed. As my wife said yesterday when we were talking about the story, trying to extract brewer's yeast from Vegemite would be like trying to extract an egg from a cake.

So, if you want to get the weird condiment banned, you're going to have to use its taste as the platform.

The cutest spider has been found, we can all rest now.
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Maratus personatus. Remember that name. For that is the name of the cutest spider science has yet to find, maybe probably will ever find.

This tiny, striped, huge-eyed spider may just change the way we thing about the eight-legged crawlers. Just about everything from its appearance to its mating habits gives you more and more reasons to love it and love Jürgen Otto, the man who took the pictures.

Hi! gives you all the information you need to jump on this bandwagon.

Officially named Maratus personatus (the species name derives from the Latin for masked), blueface belongs to the growing family of peacock spiders – dazzling little Australian natives that are just 3 to 5 millimetres long. As the name suggests, the males use vivid colours to attract females. But unlike other peacock spiders, the male M. personatus does not have a fan-like abdomen that it extends while trying to court females. Instead, it relies on its blue mask and the characteristic white banding around it to lure lady spiders.

It's mating ritual involves scurrying back and forth with two of its legs in the air, hoping to attract attention from females its bright blue Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mask.

Do you want a video? What a silly question.

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