US Senate candidate says he did sacrifice a goat and drink its blood.
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Florida, folks.

Libertarian candidate for the United States Senate Augustus Sol Invictus has some admissions beyond that fact that his name is not the one given to him at birth (Augustus Sol Invictus is Latin for Majestic Unconquered Son).

Speaking to the Orlando Sentinel Oct. 5, the 32-year-old lawyer admitted to some pesky rumors that had been flying around him.

You know, the usual political attack ones about sacrificing a goat to the god of the wilderness and drinking its blood.

"The only question is when are the citizens going to start fighting back?" he said in a phone interview Friday. "I don't think I'm the only person who sees a cataclysm coming, but I think I'm the only person saying it, and I think that scares people."

Sacrifice? Yes. Brutal and sadistic? Not according to Invictus.

"I did sacrifice a goat. I know that's probably a quibble in the mind of most Americans," he said. "I sacrificed an animal to the god of the wilderness ... Yes, I drank the goat's blood."

He admits he's been investigated by the FBI, the U.S. Marshals and other law enforcement. He is confident they're still watching him, in part for a series of YouTube videos and other writings in which he discusses government. He renounced his citizenship in one paper, and in another he prophesied a great war, saying he would wander into the wilderness and return bearing revolution.

"I guess it makes me feel flattered that they think I am a threat to the stability of the system. It makes me think one man can make a difference," Invictus said.

That's kind of the tip of the iceberg if you take some time to dive into his campaign website.

The first question on his FAQ?

"Why are you using Mussolini's symbol if you're a Libertarian?"

Can't you lead with a soft ball question for yourself? Like 'Why do you want to be a US Senator?'

On top of the goat thing, he's also said that he was inspired to run for office after hiking from Florida to the Mojave Desert and renounced his US citizenship in 2013. Oh, and he has also alluded to a violent overthrow of the government. Oh, and he's probably fascist.

You can watch his candidacy announcement here. Spoiler, he doesn't mention animal sacrifice.

Crash split car in half and man survives with no life threatening injuries.
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Don't ever split a cab with this guy.

Get it?????????????????

Local Florida news channel WFLA says a 20-year-old suffered 'non life-threatening' injuries when he destroyed a car in just about the most complete way possible.

Winter Haven Police say the crash happened Tuesday just before 7 p.m. when Carlos Pino, 20, was traveling westbound along Cypress Gardens Blvd. At the curve near Interlochen Blvd., police say Pino lost control of his silver 1986 Nissan 300ZX and started to slide on the wet roadways as he negotiated the curve.

Pino overcorrected losing control of the vehicle and he started to skid sideways. Ultimately, the vehicle left the roadway striking a tree with the driver's side front wheel and quarter panel. The impact of the crash caused the vehicle to split in two with the front engine compartment on one side of the tree and the vehicle's cab with Pino buckled in coming to a rest on the opposite side of the tree. There were no other vehicles involved in the crash.

I mean, just look at this nonsense.

I feel like I have life-threatening injuries just looking at these pictures.

We have a word of warning for Mr. Pino:

Don't trust anyone who calls themselves 'Mr. Glass'.

A woman plotted to kill a homeless man for giving her grandkids lice.
Via: Gawker
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It's like Florida has an unending bet with itself to commit the most novel, unexpected crimes.

That seems to be this complicated case, in which one extremely protective grandmother tried to contract an ex-in law to murder a homeless man who was dating her daughter.

Also lice was involved.

According to Gawker:

Pamela Vanorsdale, 50, allegedly called her daughter's ex-husband last Thursday and asked him to "pop" the homeless man, 22-year-old Dylan Loveless, in the head and chest. Loveless had apparently been abusive to Vanorsdale's grandchildren, choking and chasing them, but when the kids came home with lice, that was the last straw.

The ex told police about her alleged attempt to hire him as a hitman, but she claimed she was "only joking." Some of the things she was only joking about allegedly included: being able to provide the prospective hitman with a gun, wanting Loveless shot "in the head and chest," being able to clean and dispose of the gun, and wanting the body dumped in South Carolina. She also "joked" that she could lure Loveless out of his homeless camp with the promise of work.

Doesn't she know that medicative shampoos exist?

As well as the police?

If some homeless person is messing with your grandkids, the police are probably the people to call.

Turtle habitat guard gets shot in the butt by drunk.
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Guarding endangered sea turtle nests doesn't sound like it would require a gun, but one guy in Florida thought it necessary.

New York Daily News reported that 72-year-old Stanley Pannaman was just minding his own business July 18, volunteering for an organization who protect sea turtle habitats until the little eggs hatch and the turtles find their way into the sea.

The Tamarac resident, who grew up in Queens and raised his family in Bay Shore, Long Island before retiring to Florida in 2001, volunteers for a local group that sits by sea turtle nests on the beach and ensures they are not disturbed until the tiny baby turtles hatch and go to the ocean.

The nests are surrounded with sticks and tape and Pannaman makes sure no person or animal hurts the sea creatures. When they are born the tiny turtles may be drawn to the light from nearby cars or homes, so Pannaman will pick them up and bring them to the water.

That is until Michael Q. McAuliffe came along and ruined the night.

McAuliffe, who was very drunk, got close to the protected habitat and in the volunteer's face about his dislike of "turtle people". He jumped on Pannaman and took the Vietnam veterans gun away. McAuliffe then shot the elderly man in the abdomen where the bullet lodged in his derriere.

The police came, arrested McAuliffe and sent Pannaman to the hospital who was then released July 19.

Despite being shot with his own wedding, the Florida has no regrets.

Pannaman said he doesn't regret bring the gun and is just happy he didn't bring his normal Taurus .357 Magnum that would have caused him greater injuries.

"I figured I was going to the beach, I figured I could just carry the .32 caliber pistol," he said.

Thankfully, all the sea turtles are fine and nary a bobcat was seen near the nest.

Via: IJR
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We could all use more “Florida Man” with his crazy antics in our lives, and fortunately we have two of them running for president.

Marco Rubio has officially declared his candidacy, and Jeb Bush is expected to officially throw his hat in the ring soon, even though he sort of already let it slip a few weeks ago.

And so the Independent Journal Review took the next logical step and developed a new Chrome extension which replaces any instance of their names with “Florida Man.”

For example:

More importantly, it will also randomly swap all references to “Florida Man” with one of the two candidates, creating some amazing headlines like this one:

No that didn’t actually happen to Rubio. but it certainly makes reading about the already crowded Republican race much more entertaining.

Once you download and enable the program, head on over to Florida Man’s Twitter account for endless fun.

Well done, IJR, well done.

guns,news,wtf,machine guns,florida,Video,orlando
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Meanwhile in Florida…

A new theme park called "Machine Gun America" is opening December 20 in Orlando, because teaching kids how to use automatic weapons in the same area as Disney World is a great idea!

Dubbed "Orlando's first automatic adrenaline attraction" the park says it offers "an exciting way to experience firearms in a safe, secure, state-of-the-art environment designed to give anyone, regardless of their experience level, the thrill of a lifetime."

Guests cannot bring their own guns, you can't drink and anyone 13-years or older is allowed into the park.

The 13,000-square-foot facility has, according to the press release, 10 firing lanes, three simulators, a full-immersion video experience with surround sound, a gift shop, refreshment area and VIP Lounge and viewing area.

There are also a number themes you can choose from, including a zombie apocalypse and one called "Automatic Divas:"

  • Special Ops Red, White and Blue
    Feeling patriotic? Shoot military-grade firearms and feel like a national hero.

  • Gangster Land
    A shooting experience perfect for guys and dolls looking for the thrill of some of the most infamous 'heaters' from the 1930s and 40s.

  • The Walking Dread
    Are you a survivor? Brave the zombie apocalypse with the help of fully automatic firearms. Don't forget, aim for the undead head.

  • 007
    Channel your inner Bond and experience the thrill of being an elite special agent. Shoot legendary sophisticated guns in classic Bond style, tuxedo not required.

  • Western Shootout
    Fulfill your Wild West destiny with classic guns of outlaws and lawmen alike that are sure to hit the target for any cowboy.

  • Automatic Divas
    Let your bad side come out to play and take charge with polished pistols and powerful machine guns for the biggest and boldest rush of excitement.

  • Big Screen Legends
    Say hello to our little friends. Live out your favorite movie scenes with some of the most legendary guns in film history and become the hero of your own story. There has of course been some pushback over the opening of the park from groups like Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense, but MGA is still opening up as scheduled.

"It's romanticizing our freedom and our history," General Manager Bruce Nierenberg told Florida's WTSP. "I mean, it's part of American life. That's how we gained our freedom."

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Remember that video of the 90-year-old man who was arrested for feeding the homeless in Ft. Lauderdale?

So does Anonymous. And the hackers decided to do something about it Monday in typical Anonymous fashion - with a cordial debate and months of planning and petitioning. Kidding - they hacked the hell out of them.

The group posted a video on YouTube warning the city that it would shut down its municipal websites if it didn't overturn a number of its homeless and panhandling regulations.

"It has come to our attention that Mayor John P. Seiler has become an embarrassment to the good law-abiding citizens of Fort Lauderdale," says the voice in the video. "You are a disgrace."

Soon after, they followed through with their promise, and a number of sites including the police department's were briefly out of commission.

But did it do anything to change the mayor's mind about the laws? Not in the least.

"I don't think we're going to be revisiting this ordinance anytime soon," Seiler said.

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