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Via: Vevo
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“I know who would want to take me home,” and it’s not this Oregonian.

Police responded to a report on November 26, after a woman “allegedly told a man to 'shut up' after he obnoxiously whistled the song 'Closing Time' by the band Semisonic near her driveway.” 

No one is immune to the earworm, especially this one-hit wonder, which is probably what drove this woman to involve the police.

via GIPHY

Time spoke to Captain Mark Herb of the Forest Grove Police Department:

“It’s not clear if the caller would have been more or less upset if it was a different genre or whether it was just the talent lacking in the whistling,” Herb said.

According to Time

“While the whistler had moved on by the time police arrived, cops still located him and, according to Herb, he was still whistling ‘Closing Time.’ Police officers spoke to the man who said he was upset that he had been told to shut up. Cops sent him on his way, and according to the notes left by the officer in the police log, ‘he whistled his way back home.’”

The term “cat burglar” has to come from somewhere, right? Merriam-Webster defines it as “a burglar who is adept at entering and leaving the burglarized place without attracting notice.” Sounds like a real sneaky kitty. 

But that doesn’t necessarily correspond to this actual cat burglar, who was spotted just chilling in the lobby of a bank last night, presumably, in the middle of a burglary.

Now, I know this doesn’t look like your traditional cat burglar, missing are the black and white stripped shirt, black mask, and, of course, giant sack with a dollar sign on it. However, in its stead is — and follow me here — a cat.

That’s right this is a literal cat in a bank. We don’t know how the cat got in there, but we can definitely assume that he or she is there to burgle that bank.

cute,Cats,funny,bank,stuck
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Sure, parents are annoying — what with the “pick up your room,” “what are you doing with your life,” and “no, you cannot turn the garage into something called the ‘Chill Zone.’”

But sometimes, they’re just really scary — like when they threaten to throw away your velvet painting of Hendrix wailing on his axe because you won’t just “move out already.”

Meet Zoë Baumann, for instance. According to her Twitter, her mother dressed up like her dog. While this might be just a way to get her to “clean the pot after making mac and cheese at 4am,” or, simply, this is a Halloween costume, Zoë, nevertheless, brought her personal punishment to Twitter, who had a field day with this.

Check out some of the best responses to Zoë's mom dressed as her dog. 

dogs,twitter,funny,animals,parents,costume,halloween
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Police in Gardner Kansas Take Wildlife Photos Catch Weirdos in Costume on Camera
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When you put cameras out overnight, you shouldn’t be surprised by what turns up — even if you catch Santa Claus on film.

At least that’s what police in Gardner, Kansas found, according to The Daily Mail.

They set up some motion-activated camera to catch mountain lions at night and ended up with photos of Bigfoot, Santa Claus, the Abominable Snowman, and more. While it’s not confirmed as to whether or not Gardner is a hotbed of paranormal activity, the police there did have a good sense of humor about the pictures.

“We would like to sincerely thank the persons responsible as it made our day when we pulled up what we expected to be hundreds of pictures of coyotes, foxes and raccoons,” Gardner Police Department wrote on Facebook.

“Thank you to the citizens who noticed the cameras. Your effort and sense of humor is greatly appreciated as it made our day.”

Check out what else the police uncovered:

via Gardner Police Department

via Gardner Police Department

via Gardner Police Department

via Gardner Police Department

via Gardner Police Department

via Gardner Police Department

via Gardner Police Department

There’s a lot of upsides to owning a dog: Unconditional love and support, constant cuddling, a catch partner. But there’s one big downside, and then you have to pick up that downside.

Which brings us to this, the best holiday gift, maybe, ever devised. Yeah, that’s right, get lost, Tickle Me Elmo.

via Cheezburger

The Piqapoo clip attaches to a small, disposable bag to your dog’s tail. Then, when your dog needs to go, they can make it happen directly into the bag. No bending, no dirty sidewalks, just one sad dog with a bag attached to its tail.

Needless to say, Twitter is lining up to get one. Check out what people are saying:

dogs,funny,poop,invention
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What can really be said about a flub like this?

It’s bad, real bad.

In the future, the flub will probably be put into gif form and used as shorthand to express grief over the failure of a sure thing.

As Deadspin put it “This is not hyperbole.” This might be the worst shot ever taken. This player from a “Serbian lower league” misses an open goal from, like, an inch away. It's hard to watch.

via YouTube

Woman Arrested After Trying to Use Pizza as Form of ID
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As technology gets better, fake IDs get worse.

The Daily Hampshire Gazette reports that a woman was arrested outside a bar in Amherst, Mass, after she struck the doorman in the face. Now what could have led to that? When he asked for her ID, she attempted to give him a slice of pizza.

via Pizza Shares

“After being informed that pizza was not a valid means of gaining entry to the establishment, the woman slapped the doorman in the face, according to police, and was issued a trespass notice to stay away from the location.”

Everyone knows that pizza isn’t a valid form of ID, but it is a good bargaining tool, whether you’re trying to get your kid brother to clean your room or you’re trying to lurer the Ninja Turtles back to your layer.

Look, physical violence is never acceptable, but it does seem like a lot of people in this situation had zero chill.

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