The One Guy That Approves Beer Labels

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The One Guy That Approves Beer Labels
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This year alone, 29,500 individually designed beer labels have been submitted for approval to the Trade Department's Tax and Trade Bureau. And every single one of those label designs was approved or denied by a single man: Kent "Battle" Martin, a man who is the bane of the beer industry for his power to reject labels for the flimsiest of reasons.


Here are a few of the reasons:

Battle has rejected a beer label for the King of Hearts, which had a playing card image on it, because the heart implied that the beer would have a health benefit.

He rejected a beer label featuring a painting called The Conversion of Paula By Saint Jerome because its name, St. Paula's Liquid Wisdom, contained a medical claim--that the beer would grant wisdom.

He rejected a beer called Pickled Santa because Santa's eyes were too "googly" on the label, and labels cannot advertise the physical effects of alcohol. (A less googly-eyed Santa was later approved.)

He rejected a beer called Bad Elf because it featured an "Elf Warning," suggesting that elves not operate toy-making machinery while drinking the ale. The label was not approved on the grounds that the warning was confusing to consumers.

Man Buys 23 Burger King Pies to Spite Screaming Child

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Man Buys 23 Burger King Pies to Spite Screaming Child
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Apparently, after waiting in line in front of a careless mother and her screaming small child, a man who was having a bad day (and had a headache) decided to ruin that family's day: The child was screaming "I want f**king pie!" so the man bought up every last pie — all 23 of them — and walked out of the Burger King location, turning only to see the enraged mother and child, helpless as the cashier told them that the restaurant had just sold out of pie.

Now if this doesn't warm your heart, I don't know what will.

No Bears Here... Just Us Humans Walking on Two Legs

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"Hey Jim! Mind if I take a look inside your trash for any leftovers in a completely normal, human-like manner? No big deal."

Meanwhile in Russia of the Day: A Justin Bieber Ringtone Saved a Man From Being Attacked by a Bear

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Meanwhile in Russia of the Day: A Justin Bieber Ringtone Saved a Man From Being Attacked by a Bear
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Just in case you thought there was no excuse for a grown man to have a ringtone of The Biebs, maybe this story of survival as reported by Elite Daily will change your mind.

Justin Bieber recently saved the life of a 42-year-old Russian man.

No, the Biebs didn't do anything heroic. When Igor Vorozhbitsyn was en route to his favorite fishing spot in northern Russia's Yakutia Republic, he was attacked by a huge brown bear.

But then, his cell phone rang and the ringtone, "Baby," scared off the animal.

As the bear started clawing violently at Vorozhbitsyn, the Biebs' pre-pubescent vocals made the bear's ears bleed, and it ran off.

Wildlife experts believe it was the fact that the ringtone sounding off was so unexpected that it spooked the bear, but it's more fun to say the bear just really, really, hated that song.

Vorozhbitsyn suffers from severe bruises on his chest and face and cuts on his neck. Other fishermen found him after he was attacked, and used his phone to call for help.

Vorozhbitsyn says he knows the ringtone "isn't to everyone's taste," but it was his granddaughter that loaded "Baby" onto his phone "for a joke."

I think, however, that's just code for "I'm honestly just a true Belieber."
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