Imagine our dispatcher's surprise when she received a couple of calls early this morning advising there was a goat roaming around Wolf Den Plaza... more specifically, the goat apparently needed a caffeine fix and had wandered INTO the Wolf Den Starbucks.
The on duty sergeant promptly responded, took the goat into custody, and transported him to the Rohnert Park Animal Shelter. We're sure the Animal Shelter supervisor will be thrilled to find a goat in a dog's crate when she arrives to work!
Of course, Facebook commenters made jokes about it:
Did you just turn your nose up at us? You think you're so much better than us, don't you, tiny goat? Well, we'll show you! Someday... For now we'll just enjoy these amazing photoshops of said smug little goat, guaranteed to please even the snobbiest internet connoisseur.
A farm in Esmont, Virginia recently announced that it needs a ton of volunteers to snuggle with its baby goats. Caramont Farm houses more than 120 goats, who produce fresh and aged cheeses for their farmers. This news comes in hot off the wire, after the farm realized their due for 90 goats this February.
If you consider yourself an exceptional cuddler, Caromont Farms has a sign-up sheet online. where folks can volunteer for four-hour shifts from early February through March.
Unfortunately this job's straight up something out a dream, and those open slots filled up quicker than you liked this post. But actually, maybe.
Libertarian candidate for the United States Senate Augustus Sol Invictus has some admissions beyond that fact that his name is not the one given to him at birth (Augustus Sol Invictus is Latin for Majestic Unconquered Son).
You know, the usual political attack ones about sacrificing a goat to the god of the wilderness and drinking its blood.
"The only question is when are the citizens going to start fighting back?" he said in a phone interview Friday. "I don't think I'm the only person who sees a cataclysm coming, but I think I'm the only person saying it, and I think that scares people."
Sacrifice? Yes. Brutal and sadistic? Not according to Invictus.
"I did sacrifice a goat. I know that's probably a quibble in the mind of most Americans," he said. "I sacrificed an animal to the god of the wilderness ... Yes, I drank the goat's blood."
He admits he's been investigated by the FBI, the U.S. Marshals and other law enforcement. He is confident they're still watching him, in part for a series of YouTube videos and other writings in which he discusses government. He renounced his citizenship in one paper, and in another he prophesied a great war, saying he would wander into the wilderness and return bearing revolution.
"I guess it makes me feel flattered that they think I am a threat to the stability of the system. It makes me think one man can make a difference," Invictus said.
"Why are you using Mussolini's symbol if you're a Libertarian?"
Can't you lead with a soft ball question for yourself? Like 'Why do you want to be a US Senator?'
On top of the goat thing, he's also said that he was inspired to run for office after hiking from Florida to the Mojave Desert and renounced his US citizenship in 2013. Oh, and he has also alluded to a violent overthrow of the government. Oh, and he's probably fascist.
You can watch his candidacy announcement here. Spoiler, he doesn't mention animal sacrifice.