jesus

Via Shinigama
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Everyone celebrates the holidays in their own way. Whether you’re lighting the menorah or putting presents under the tree, one thing remains true: The holidays are a season of giving and warm wishes.

Which explains why this pastor gave the gift of cold reality with a dash outright crazy to a line of people waiting to see Santa Claus at the mall this weekend. That'll bring people back into the church for sure

via Reddit

Over the weekend, Pastor David Grisham from Last Frontier Evangelism walked into a mall in Amarillo, TX and did a real bang up job of getting people interested in the story of Christmas. Grisham walked up and down the line, telling the children that “There is no Santa Claus.” Here's what he had to say: 

”Folks, my name is Pastor David. Kids, I wanted to tell you today that there is no such thing as Santa Claus. Santa Claus does no exist. The Christmas season is about Jesus. Jesus was born 2,016 year ago... The man you’re about to see today is just a man in a suit dressed up like Santa, but Santa does not exist."

Then addressing the parents, he continued:

"Don’t lie to your children and tell them there’s such a thing as Santa when you know in reality that there are no flying reindeer. There is no workshop on the North Pole. There is no elves making toys.”

Anyway, parents in line didn’t take too kindly to someone with such a tenuous grip on reality lecturing them on reality. So a couple of dads with beards confronted this man and informed him that it’s perfectly fine for them to lie to their children if they want to.

And you know what, it is every parent's right to lie to their children. When they say, you can’t have ice cream for dinner, of course you can have ice cream; they just don’t want you to. Lies all lies!

But according to Huffington Post, there actually is a Santa Claus. They write:

”Whether Grisham knows it or not, historians say the character of Santa Claus as we know him today is based off a Christian saint, Saint Nicolas, whose generosity toward children as a Greek bishop led to him being declared a patron saint of children and bringer of gifts.
One of St. Nicolas’ most famous acts, which may sound familiar to those who celebrate Christmas, was him saving three sisters from being sold into prostitution by dropping a bag of gold down the indebted family’s chimney so they could pay off their dowries. One of the bags happened to land in one girl’s stocking that had been hung up to dry, according to historian Bill Petro.

So open a book, Grisham, and stop trying to ruin everyone’s Christmas by reminding parents that they lie to their children, so their kids can have one nice day out in this awful year.

via Reddit

A Forensic Anthropologist Used Science to Draw the Most Realistic Jesus Ever
Via esquire
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According to medieval artist/scientist, Richard Neave, Jesus is not the white, long-haired, skinny face you've been seeing throughout your entire life.

Using the powers of science, Neave found three skulls from Israeli archaeological sites and used computerized tomography to construct the best shape for Jesus's face. From his findings, Neave created a black Jesus, with a much broader nose and a new hairdo.

This version of Jesus makes a lot more sense for the region in which Jesus lived. One might think the writers of the Bible would have pointed out the fact that White Jesus may have stood out in the crowd. Maybe not...

So, since there have never been any actual drawings of Jesus discovered, scientists are calling Richard Neave's rendition the most realistic drawing of Jesus ever created.

'Murica of the Day: Bible AR-15 Rifles Now Available In Florida
Via 10 News
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Oh, Florida—you crazy devil. You've done it again!

Spike's Tactical in Apopka, Florida has started selling AR-15 assault rifles with bible verses on them because ISIS. Psalm 144:1 is laser etched into the magazine, which reads:

"Blessed be the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle."

The gun was built so that member of ISIS couldn't ever use it? Even though we're pretty sure those guys will kill who they want with whatever they want.

"Right now and as it has been for quite some time, one of the biggest threats in the world is and remains Islamic terrorism," said Ben "Mookie" Thomas, spokesman for Spike's Tactical, who is a former Navy Seal and former Blackwater security contractor. "We wanted to make sure we built a weapon that would never be able to be used by Muslim terrorists to kill innocent people or advance their radical agenda."

The gun also features a cross on the lower left side of the unit and the words "God Wills It."

All of this for the low, low price of $1,395 and you too can fight ISIS from your Florida residence!

By Unknown
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Red Bull South Africa earlier this week unveiled the latest addition to its ongoing "Red Bull gives you wings" campaign -- a 30-spot featuring Jesus revealing the "secret" behind his miraculous water-walking feat.

Wouldn't ya know it, the ad did not go over well with many viewers, who demanded it be pulled immediately.

Unfortunately for Red Bull, the energy drink doesn't actually give you wings, so in lieu of saying "see you later, suckers" and flying away, the company relented and pulled the ad as requested.

[copyranter.]