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A Florida man was found biting off pieces of a man's face in Martin County, Florida. Apparently, he fatally stabbed a couple before biting off their faces, as you do normally in social situations if you live in Florida.

The explanations seem pretty reasonable to me...



...but there's always this one:




Florida: my favorite state for crazy f*ckers.


pokemon-go-revives-once-struggling-washington-ice-cream-shop
Via: caller
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Gary Dear, owner of Mad Hatter's Ice Cream in Anacortes found himself situated in the middle of a maddening Pokémon GO mecca. Eager players have flocked from miles and miles away to his shop, where there are three Poké Stops located nearby---many end up getting ice cream after their journeying around.

"Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expected it to end up like this," said Dear. "I've never seen anything take off like this."

Dear even estimates that his store's sales have doubled, if not tripled, on certain nights when the Poké Madness runs wild.

Trending Panda Express Chork News
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Panda Express announced today that it is considering using a new utensil called a "Chork" in it's restaurant locations, despite having a name that sounds like what happens when you eat too much Panda Express:

"Don't step there... I just chorked out my beef with broccoli."







It's a half-chopstick, half-fork contraption that could either fling plastic bits into your mouth, or make shovelling General Tso's into your gullet waaay easier...


Either way, the internet agrees the name is just stupid...







trending news subway employee drugs cop
Via: Uproxx
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Utah, America's northern-most Florida, has done it again.

A Subway employee in Layton decided to punk a cop by putting a cocktail of marijuana, THC and methamphetamine in his drink, as the world's dumbest free-gift-with-purchase idea.

A video shows the clerk leaning over the Officer's drink a little too long, and the unnamed Sergeant had his colleagues test his drink after he tried to drive back to the station and started to feel all wonky.



The Subway presumptive-former-employee is busy thinking about what he did in a jail cell right now.

Trending Cincinnati Bengals Harambe Change.org Petition
Via: Change.org
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Harambe, the magical ape who touched our fuzzy hearts now has a petition to name the Cincinnati Bengals after him. I can't think of a better way to kick Tom Brady's ass than by a band of gorillas.



There is already a petition to rename Humboldt Park after him, so we'll see if Cincinnati can get their sh*t together and honor this fine creature of nature.


#DicksoutforHarambe


fire-department-posts-status-about-child-slashing-their-tires
Via: chron
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A fire department hailing out of Needville, Texas was recently forced to remove their status as a PokéStop due to public safety concerns; and the events that ensued after (slashing of tires) are being blamed on Pokémon GO players. What do you guys think---this a fair and warranted claim by the fire department?

Via: News 24
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Ms Milho, a transgender woman, said to The Daily Beast that ‘the universe was spinning. I thought he could do basically anything to me. I felt my power was stripped away from me. Milho's recordings also reveal Villanueva bragging on about other women on community service who have given him sexual favours to leave work early– including a young mother, who he says was ‘the best I had in a long time’.

Villanueva asks Ms Milho to keep it all a secret after their conversation comes to an end. Sorry buddy, but this sh*t's going viral. See the perv below:

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