The Most Florida Headline of the Day: This Woman Went on a Crack Binge, Gave Birth, and Gnawed off Her Own Umbilical Cord

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The Most Florida Headline of the Day: This Woman Went on a Crack Binge, Gave Birth, and Gnawed off Her Own Umbilical Cord
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There isn't much more that can be said other than that. I'll let the news piece speak for itself:

Vincent Terry, Hassell's boyfriend, left with the 11-month-old boy to run an errand, so Hassell delivered the baby alone in the bathtub. According to a Marion County Sheriff's Office report, Hassell even cut the umbilical cord with her teeth.

"At one point, according to her telling investigators, the baby stopped breathing," said Judge Cochran, public information officer for the Marion County Sheriff's Office.

Hassell's first call wasn't to 911, though. It was to her boyfriend, who she told to hurry up and get back to the motel. But, as Terry sped to return, he was pulled over by Marion County deputies. He was wanted for attempted murder in Colorado.
Her other child, 11 months old, is in state custody. There are no words, people.

People Are Still Incredible, as This McDonald's Rampage Will Prove to You

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WARNING: Lots of censored bodies and insanity in this video.

UPDATE: This is the story that keeps on giving. Allegedly the woman in question, Sandra Suarez, went off in that fast food restaurant after an employee of the establishment "turned down her offer of oral sex in the parking lot."

America the beautiful, y'all.

NASCAR is Going to the Doges

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NASCAR is Going to the Doges
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Enthusiasts of parody crypto-currency Dogecoin are taking it to the next level, sponsoring up and coming unsigned NASCAR driver Josh Wise. The design isn't finalized, and you can send your own submissions to this Reddit thread here, if you truly believe in the dream of seeing a ridiculous Shiba Inu on a car on national television.

Funny Business of the Day: Richmond Avenue Gets a Weird New Resident

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Funny Business of the Day: Richmond Avenue Gets a Weird New Resident
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Nothing more can be said without ruining the surprise, so just check it out. Language warning, of course.

Can't Believe This Didn't Happen in Florida of the Day: There is No Rage Like a Customer With a Wrong Fast Food Order

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Never before has the phrase "hold the pickles" led to more near-bloodshed. Luckily, no one was hurt from this incident, except maybe our collective dignity as a nation/race of sentient beings.

Watch This of the Day: Do You Know 'What the Fox Say'?

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Norwegian musical-comedy group Ylvis uploaded their latest video to YouTube on September 3rd and it already has over 3 million views.

Despite it's brain-melting confusion, can you watch this video just once?