NSFW

Let's face it, if you're searching NSFW, you are either very brave, very alone, or very at home. But if you are that industrious employee who doesn't stop at a puny firewall, journey forward and indulge in everything raunchy rowdy and anything in between.

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Rude Cross Stitches Your Grandma Definitely Didn't Make

When you think of cross stitch (or any type of embroidery), you probably picture a sweet little old grandma sitting in a rocking chair, creating something wholesome. And it's almost definitely Jesus related. But these rude cross stitches certainly weren't made by grandmas. And if they were, sign me up to be their granddaughter! Scroll through these less-than-wholesome embroideries and laugh. Would you hang any of these up in your house?

pictures of rude cross stich designs | thumbnail includes two pictures of cross stiches Text - It's not a crack house It's a crack home, Life is harder than nipples
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Week's Best 'Women Roasting Men' Tweets (August 26, 2020)

You know the drill by now. We love Twitter, we love women, and we love it when women roast men. So here is your weekly haul of hilarious Tweets by women who roast men with zero mercy. And when you've finished with these ones, check out last week's lot in case you missed them. 

funny women roasting men tweets - cover pic tweet about dating men in their 30s like shopping in thrift store and dating men in their 20s like products about to be recalled
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The World's Unfriendliest Greeting Cards

Greeting cards are the perfect way to tell someone how you feel about them. Whether it's a happy card to celebrate a birthday or birth, or a sad one to commemorate a redundancy or death, someone has carefully designed it to set the appropriate tone for the occasion. That is, except for these greeting cards, which cut straight to the chase and are pretty brutal. These are the ones you should only give to someone with an exceptional sense of humor. Or your enemy. Both work!

pictures of rude and unfriendly greeting cards - cover pic cards saying "In dog years you'd be dead" and "Heard you were pregnant. Whore"
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People Reveal Reasons Their Teachers Got Fired

Students usually remember teachers for one of two reasons: they were either excellent or terrible. The great teachers do more than teach their subject; they believe in their students, give them life skills, and inspire them to be the best versions of themselves. The inadequate teachers do just the opposite and can cause irreparable damage to the confidence and growth of a student who may be struggling. And then you have the teachers who are SO bad that they got fired. Whether it's for sleeping with a student or embezzling school money, there's always one who thinks they'll get away with it. An AskReddit thread has got people sharing the reasons their teachers were fired, and the responses are so shockingly sad, it's a wonder how they even qualified to become teachers in the first place.

people reveal reasons their teachers were fired - cover pic story about teacher acting like cult leader | sandyandy12 14.7k points 12 days ago One elementary school teachers at district went got arrested making his class worship him like he cult leader. He totally bonkers.
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11 Former Disney Park Employees Dish Out Their Darkest-Humored NSFW Stories

These hilarious, vaguely gruesome accounts make me want to see a revised 'honest trailer' for what you're actually signing up for being around, next time you up and head to a Disney Park. Also. Maybe it's just the landscape of modern day television, but I've noticed a lot of the darker, thriller tv shows I've binged on Netflix feature particularly unsettling, climactic scenes/unnerving discoveries occurring within the absurd neon-lit confines of amusement parks. It's like the writers got it in their heads the best way to spotlight rule-breaking, deviant behavior is to contrast the tendencies with kids' laughter, echoes of amusement park rides, etc. 

Disney park former employees share stories
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Pervy Old Man Posts *NSFW* Pictures of a Bikini Barista to Facebook and Gets Roasted By His Grandson

This old-timer got called out big time by his grandson after he posted a string of NSFW photos on Facebook.

I'm both glad, and a little disappointed, that my own grandfather isn't throwing up pics of vaping bikini baristas. 

grandpa gets roasted by grandson for pervy pic
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Groupon's Banana Bunker Comments Are A Goldmine Of Sexy Double Entendres

Advertising content on a social media page isn't always glamorous or creative but Groupon has managed to go down in history for making their Facebook ad content uproariously funny. The online retailer made a Facebook post declaring they are "contractually obligated" to let their audience know when the very phallic "Banana Bunker" is featured on their site. The "Bunker" is basically a sheath designed to protect bananas from wear and tear, but saucy commenters immediately made the NSFW connection and absolutely went for it on the post. 

The engagement doesn't end with the commenters - whoever is in charge of Groupon's social media made sure that the responses were just as clever and just as raunchy. The ad did so well that the company brought the product back a few month's ago. We almost want to buy one ourselves..

Funny banana bunker comments from Groupon.
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10 NSFW Facts About Celebrities That'll Shock You

Solid reminders that celebs are just as weird (if not weirder) as the rest of us. 

10 facts about celebrities that are absolutely crazy and hard to believe.
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Frustrated Guy Gets Noisy NSFW Revenge on Home Renovation TV Show

Well, play stupid games, get stupid prizes. We're fans of any revenge story where the powers that be get theirs just for thinking they could swing their weight around. Check out this story for a sales dude getting back at his company.

revenge on a home renovation show
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Ant-Man/Thanos Memes Are A Dirty Dark-Humored Gift To The World

These Ant-Man/Thanos memes are all kinds of hilariously twisted. That being said they hit the internet just in time for the hype buildup to Avengers: Endgame. This was clearly just too ripe of an opportunity for the memers and Marvel fans to pass up on. Thank goodness. 

Memes about thanos and the idea that ant man can defeat him by entering via where the sun don't shine
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Here’s a dude that’s definitely the worst: This Australian cop who shot a kangaroo right in front of a little kid. Yeah, you read that correctly: Cop shoots kangaroo in front of child. Come on.

News.com.au reports that police were responding to report of an injured kangaroo in north Melbourne, Aust on November 11. Well, one cop responded by shooting an injured kangaroo in the face. Another police officer responded to the officer by saying, “There’s a kid coming.”

Luckily, because this situation can only get worse, the kangaroo didn’t die right away. As News.com.au reports that in the video it can be “seen still twitching and writhing as its blood pools on the footpath.”

Let's take a break from this story:

via Reddit

While the officers say that they did a risk assessment and determined by that the animal needed to be euthanized, they have come under fire for shooting the gun in public

“The police could have definitely handled it better,” said Hash Tropoja, who filmed the incident and uploaded the video to YouTube. “They could have blocked off cars and pedestrians from coming through the line of sight while the sergeant was taking the shot, because the bullet is a small calibre and definitely had the potential to ricochet off of the concrete in to any direction.”

“I think it’s mere luck that nothing tragic happened.”

Nothing tragic, except if you ask the kangaroo, except you can’t ask the kangaroo because the kangaroo was shot and killed. Ugh.

Ok. Let's try to get our minds off this: 

via Nat Geo

macintosh-guy-discovers-strange-80s-adult-film-software
Via i4u
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After using Craigslist to hunt down an old Macintosh, redditor bobwowbob stumbled upon a NSFW surprise hidden in a fake “America Online” folder. As it turns out bobwowbob had actually discovered a rare “interactive erotica” app, called MacPlaymate. The app was put together by comic book artist and game designer, Mike Saenz in 1986.

The premise of MacPlaymate was very simple:

Players could strip down a digital avatar named Maxie, mess around with Maxie using various sex toys with names like Mighty Mo Throbber, and watch Maxie 'make it' with other digital characters. The software even had a “panic” button that'd bring up a spreadsheet if someone walked by your computer screen.

The following is a NSFW demo of MacPlaymate, and the dude's voice and commentary are at least 20x creepier than the software itself: