Damn, these tweets are like a super-charged and super-savage edition of 'Kids Say The Darndest Things!' Somebody grab a hose cuz they're setting their parents on fire.
Some people grow out of it, some don't. Children are stupid idiots. Sure, they're just learning everything about the world for the first time, but hot damn are they dumb as rocks for a while there. We were dumb too. We're still dumb, but we can do long division and drive, so that's pretty good.
Bane. Mad Max. Charles Bronson. Mother Goose?
Tom Hardy is mostly known for playing anti-social, bloodthirsty monsters. With his rich British accent and hulking physique, Hardy is an indomitable and unsuspecting screen presence known for tapping into the rawest parts of the human psyche. His voice synonymous with the eloquent ravings of a madman; his actions, the missing link between the modern and primordial man.
So it should come as no surprise that Tom Hardy reading a bedtime story about a party that requires guests wear a hat sounds like he’s reading a malevolent riddle to the good people of Gotham City.
Appearing on the BBC’s CBeeBies BedTime Story on New Years Eve, Hardy chilled on a couch — golden retriever on his lap, giant stuffed monkey to his side — to read You Must Bring a Hat, a darling children’s book by Simon Philip and Kate Hindly. The story of a young man who was invited to a party with a very specific set of instructions, You Must Bring a Hat, as read by Tom Hardy, sounds like something Charles Bronson says before he beats someone in prison.
Tell me that, “All penguins accompanying pink-tutu-wearing elephants MUST bring with them a suitcase full of cheese” doesn’t sound like something this guy would say:
Or “You think darkness is your ally? You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it.” Ok. That was from The Dark Knight Rises, but the point is because Hardy’s voice is closely connected to these lunatic characters, You Must Bring a Hat sounds like something they would say. Especially considering the book puts such dire emphasis on the whole “you must bring a hat to this party thing.”
Anyway, check out the video, close your eyes, and imagine Mad Max muttering this story under his breath.
In a super-touching image, a British Mom posted a back-to-school picture of her daughter Emily after losing her to childhood cancer in a super-effective effort to raise awareness of the disease.
She is encouraging everyone on Facebook to "Go Gold for Cancer Awareness" on your profile pic, like this:
Get all the links to show your support on Facebook and Twitter, and to learn more about the "Go Gold Project" here.
One English Millionaire property developer is trying as hard as he can to be a James Bond Villain it seems.
Kim Davies was ordered by a judge to pay £300,000 for breaking planning laws in the use of 150-year-old children's gravestones in the renovation of his country mansion.
Taking them from a run-down Welsh church that he also own, Davies cemented the gravestones into the mansion's walls and used them as flagstones in a patio.
The Daily Mail broke down the fines and the judge's opinion of the crimes.
Davies, who owned the disused chapel at the time, has now been fined £60,000 and ordered to pay another £240,000 costs for breaking planning laws.
Davies's own costs in the last three years were estimated at more than £250,000. He has already sold his Aston Martin and a Lamborghini Spider to raise funds for his court costs.
Issuing the fine, Judge Williams said the work Davies had done to the seven-bedroom house was 'vandalism'. He told him: "You turned the house into something comparable to a hidden palace of an iron curtain dictator."
The gravestones were from mostly the 19th century and some originally marked the burial sites of babies.
Prosecutor Nicholas Haggan said, "One was the grave of David, four, Rose, three and Thomas who was just 11 months old when he died. These headstones were inserted into the walls of Llanwenarth House as decorative stone plaques."
Surely this is not something that's trending in contemporary interior design.
Did you miss the GOP debate last week? Would you rather watch children reenact it? Well, Funny or Die has you covered.
Who knows where they found these disgustingly adorable children with their little faces acting so expressively perfect, but they really put their tiny hearts into inhabiting the full spirit of the Republican primary debate.
Look at Donald Trump here:
If the kid thing isn't doing it for you, but you still want to experience the debate other than watch it, Patton Oswalt live-tweeted it for you.
If that's still not your thing, just watch Donald Trump dance for a bit.
A barbershop-based event in Dubuque, IA lets kids use literacy as currency.
Barber Courtney Holmes will give free haircuts to children that read to him while in the chair as part of a city promotion to get kids ready for the upcoming school year and to keep them looking spiffy.
The Globe Gazette ran the story from an Associated Press wire report.
"I just want to support kids reading," Holmes said.
St. Mark Youth Enrichment gave away books during the event, some of which were read to Holmes. Outreach coordinator Beth McGorry with St. Mark said she enjoyed watching Holmes help young children sound out the words they didn't know yet.
Caitlin Daniels, grade-level reading coordinator with the Community Foundation of Greater Dubuque, also helped struggling readers in the barber chair.
"It's great. All the kids, they want to have a good haircut to go back to school," she said. "They're paying through reading."
The city's acting resource manager, Anderson Sainci, coordinated the event, which involved nonprofits and other community partners.
What a nice story to start the weekend, right?
Apparently, after waiting in line in front of a careless mother and her screaming small child, a man who was having a bad day (and had a headache) decided to ruin that family's day: The child was screaming "I want f**king pie!" so the man bought up every last pie — all 23 of them — and walked out of the Burger King location, turning only to see the enraged mother and child, helpless as the cashier told them that the restaurant had just sold out of pie.
Now if this doesn't warm your heart, I don't know what will.