chipotle

“Take all you want, but eat all you take.” A seemingly harmless expression that can lead to a class-action lawsuit. And Chipotle’s finding that out the hard way.

Three overzealous eaters of Chipotle’s chorizo burrito, which is billed as a 300-calorie meal, are suing the restaurant for making them “excessively full” to the point where this burrito “couldn’t have been just 300 calories.” 

“The suit alleges Chipotle’s menu contains false nutritional information in which ‘consumers are lulled into a false belief that the items they are eating are healthier than they really are,’” according to City News Service. “Though the chain bills itself as a provider of ‘food with integrity,’ organic fare and ‘responsibility raised’ meat as part of its promotion of a ‘healthy eating mantra.’”

Because if something’s healthy, you can never eat too much of it. In fact, you can just pick up a bunch of apples and just keep eating. Just keep eating and you will never become too full. It’s great! I’ve been doing it for nigh six years, and I feel great. Really. This is me, except with apples: 

via GIPHY

So does their lawsuit have any merit? Well, they crunched the numbers over at Slate and found that the meal was actually closer to 1,050 calories. Ew, boy. How did Chipotle respond?

via @ChipotleTweets

Oh, so just the meat is 300 calories. You can see what happened there, they thought… and you thought… Right. It’s all just a big mistake. A big mistake that could cost the burrito giant a little more than extra guac. The suit “would cover all people who bought food at Chipotle for four years leading up to the filing of the complaint.” That means you, you excessively full so-and-so.

This is not what Chipotle, who spent the last year watching their stock tumble and trying to win customers pack after an E. coli outbreak, needs right now.

Apparently, Google's parent company Alphabet has a hankering for some guac, because they've just invested in burrito drone delivery specifically for Chipotle.




The research team is currently working on the safety and logisitics of flying a burrito and keeping it hot.






Well, we've almost fixed everything...

In the biggest class-action suit for wage theft against Chipotle so far, more than 9,961 current and former workers are suing the company. The suit claims that Chipotle allegedly made employees work extra hours "off the clock" without paying them, in a practice known as wage theft.



Actual Chipotle Customer


Chipotle blames "rogue managers" for not correctly following policy, but we just hope they give their workers their fare cash due.

A man got over 300 texts from people trying to cash in on Chipotle's free burrito special. They were supposed to text RAINCHECK to 888-222 but several people have added an extra 2 and sent texts to Henry Levine instead. 

He told the Washington Post, "The first thing I did was get my free burrito, because I don’t dislike burritos". What a sensible person. Then he started texting back the super fans who sent him more than one message to tell them they had the wrong number. 


via Washington Post

Since then he's become a social media sensation and he appears to be on a quest to get those poor people their free burritos! At least he's got his priorities straight after this newfound fame. 

Diarrhea is coming.

An E. coli outbreak linked back to Chipotle restaurants in Washington state and Oregon has left nearly two dozen people sick in the past few weeks.

#Breaking: Oregon Health Authority confirms multi-county investigation into E. Coli outbreak that may be linked to Chipotle Restaurants.

— Wiley Post (@WileyPostKGW) October 31, 2015

Nineteen cases were traced back to Chipotle restaurants in Washington and three to Oregon. Eight of the patients were hospitalized.

"Anyone who thinks they may have become ill from eating at a Chipotle restaurant in the past three weeks should consult their healthcare provider," said State Epidemiologist Dr. Scott Lindquist in a press release.

No individual food item has been determined as the cause, but 17 of the 19 patients ate at Chipotle recently.

To everyone in the Pacific Northwest, we leave you with this.

And on today's episode of "Everything Offends Me," a woman is really upset at the message on her kid's Chipotle cup.

Did the cup encourage the child to club baby seals? Set fire to a school? Join ISIS?

Nope. It just had two words that made the mom feel uncomfortable: reproductive sex.

OK, maybe out of context these words seem odd on a Chipotle cup. But not if you know anything about the artist that designed the cup.

The artist, Anthony Doerr, describes the cup like this:

Tattoo Earth's 4.5-billion-year timeline onto your arm, shoulder to fingertip, and your upper arm will get nothing but geologic mayhem: meteorites, magma, acid rain. Life won't begin until your bicep, and from there to your wrist it's all single-celled, oceangoing stuff. Reproductive sex won't show up until your wristwatch, and creatures that are finally big enough to see—tubes and fronds and weird Precambrian plant-animals—will crisscross the back of your hand.

Trilobites paddle across your palm; ancient forests grow from your knuckles; dinosaurs wind around the joints at the ends of your fingers. Mammals burrow into your cuticles.

Orangutans, arrowheads, Cleopatra, the names of the stars—they all have to fit on the sliver of fingernail at the end of your longest finger.

So the artwork is an arm showing how the world came to be through evolution. And reproductive sex would only show up around the wrist.

Outrage averted.

Do you want guac with your hate speech? Chipotle’s Twitter account was hacked over the weekend, posting lots of racial slurs and anti-government rants - most of which aren't fit to publish.

This is somehow so interesting, yet so useless.

What Is This I Don't Even of the Day: In which Farm Aid co-founder Willie Nelson covers Coldplay's "The Scientist" for a pro-free-range animated "pseudo-PSA" commissioned by Chipotle.

[adfreak.]