conspiracy

If you need to get your news, you could do worse than The Onion, a new poll shows.

According to Morning Consult, “a media and technology company at the intersection of politics, policy, Wall Street, and business strategy,” the satirical newspaper The Onion, which recently ran the headline “Report: Bananas Still Most Popular Fruit For Pretending To Receive Phone Call” is more credible than Infowars, which recently ran the headline “The Shocking Proof That Multiculturalism Has Failed.” No surprise here: The Onion headline is true.

In a shocking upset to conspiracy theorists and screaming men around the globe, 18 percent of people polled considered The Onion (again, the paper put together for laughs) credible, while only 17 percent considered InfoWars credibe. Even more shocking is our new Chief Strategist to the White House Steve Bannon’s former stomping ground, Breitbart, is only considered 19 percent credible. People aren’t just finding white supremacy very helpful these days.

via Reddit

Of course, as the poll points out, this might be affected by the fact that people haven’t heard of Breitbart or Infowars.

“Credibility was significantly lower for far-right sites such as Breitbart and InfoWars, but both were also hampered by being largely unknown. Forty-two percent of people said they “never heard of” Breitbart, and 49 percent said the same about InfoWars. Twenty-six percent said Breitbart was not credible, while 21 percent said the same of InfoWars. Breitbart and InfoWars did better with Republican men, with 32 percent and 27 percent respectively saying the sites were credible.”

You’re still probably better off choosing The Onion. Check out this headline from the other day. Topical! 

via The Onion

In another example of why conspiracy theories aren’t just harmless fun, a man threatened a pizza place with an assault rifle yesterday because of “pizzagate.”

In case you aren’t on Reddit or 4chan or Twitter, according to Know Your Meme, “pizzagate" is an absolutely insane conspiracy theory, “regarding a series of emails hacked from former Hillary Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta’s account, which some supporters of Donald Trump claimed were coded messages discussing an underground pedophile ring operated at the Comet Ping Pong Pizza restaurant in Washington, D.C.”

Obviously, using the the powers of reason and critical thinking that still so many people on this planet are either suppressing or just do not have, this theory is bunk. But that wasn’t enough to stop a North Carolina man from “self-investigating” the pedophile ring with an assault rifle. 28-year-old Edgar Maddison Welch discharged the rifle but did not shoot anyone when he enterted Comet Ping Pong Pizza yesterday. Police arrested Welch 45 minutes later and seized a Colt .38 caliber handgun and shotgun. Thankfully, no one was hurt.

via Reaction Gifs

According to The Washington Post, “The popular family restaurant, near Connecticut and Nebraska avenues NW in the Chevy Chase neighborhood, was swept up in the onslaught of fake news and conspiracy theories that were prevalent during the presidential campaign. The restaurant, its owner, staff and nearby businesses have been attacked on social media and received death threats.”

Reddit has since banned the “Pizzagate” topic, but it didn’t stop harassment.

That’s the American Dream in 2016, open a small business and gain notoriety through a disgusting conspiracy theory that leads to being threatened by an assault rifle. If anyone needs me, I'll be cowering under my desk in the fetal position until the end of time. 

via The Washington Post

Facebook, a never-ending source of useful information, has been our goto for up-to-the-minute election coverage this past season. As such, it’s probably caused us more anxiety about this election than any one speech, Wikileaks email, or video featuring Billy Bush. Your Facebook wall feeds into your worst fears about the candidates, and Stephen Colbert knows it.

On The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last night, Colbert took a big swig of cough syrup, dusted off his box of Reynolds wrap, and made a new tin foil hat to block the radio signals that the Illuminati uses to read our minds. Colbert is full of great intel about such things as the whereabouts of Chumbawumba, the shadowy industry of upstate New York weddings, and what oysters actually are. By the end of it, you’ll have your cork board up and long strands of yarn connecting seemingly disparate items together to prove your theory that, hey, what if the Chicken McNugget is more nugget than chicken?

Check out the video and prepare to have your mind blown.

We here at The Daily What LOOOVE a good conspiracy theory.

Today's fun features oft-hated political commentator, hero of the working class, and millionaire, Michael Moore, theorizing that the Donald was never an actual candidate for President, but was annoyed he wasn't being paid enough by NBC officials for his hit NBS TV shows, "The Apprentice" and "The Celebrity Apprentice," so he ran for office as a stunt to get better ratings and demand a higher paycheck.



According to Moore, Trump "cannot and WILL NOT suffer through being officially and legally declared a loser—LOSER!—on the night of November 8."

Moore continues that Trump "would rather invite the Clintons and the Obamas to his next wedding than have that scarlet letter L branded on his forehead seconds after the last polls have closed on that night."



So what do you think? Think Trump's in it for the money? Rumor has it he may drop out soon, so maybe he thinks he's got a giant TV paycheck coming?

Of course you see where this is going. 


via @SwooshMcDuck

But please, nobody tell him he's wrong! 


via @MattBosso

In 1996, the death of a little girl named JonBenet Ramsey became a highly publicized tragedy. The still unsolved nature of the case has invited a lot of speculation about who really killed her and why. 

Conspiracy theorist Dave Johnson claims that JonBenet Ramsey is, in fact, Katy Perry. In the video he says, "Nobody died, nobody got hurt. That sacrifice was in name only, and that was to get something, and that something was to become a star. JonBenet became Katy Perry, and that's a fact."


via KTBS

Wouldn't that be nice? 

Of course, this doesn't address the fact that Katy Perry is six years older or that Patsy Ramsey, JonBenet's mother, died of ovarian cancer in 2006 and her father remarried. 

Actually, this is all based on the idea that Katy Perry and her parents look kind of like JonBenet Ramsay and her parents. And if you don't examine ANY other facts or think about it too critically, I guess Johnson is right. 

But he probably isn't. 

Take a look at this Greek sculpture, notice anything suspicious? What about the woman reading from her LAPTOP? 



That's what some conspiracy theorists have said. Or it could be a rectangular box. Watch this video made by Youtuber StillSpeakingOut and THEN decide if you think the conspiracy is true:



Still think it's just a rectangular box, probably for jewlery? Yea, it probably is. HOWEVER, an alternative theory suggests that if it's not a box and it's not a laptop, it's probably a wax tablet that the Ancient Greeks used for writing all the time. 


via Wikimedia Commons

"Being right and being alone is a challenging existence."

Most everyone was pretty excited, or at least mildly interested, in the announcement NASA made yesterday about the likely possibility that there's liquid water on Mars.

Not Rush Limbaugh, unfortunately.

He's got his own ideas about just what NASA is doing up there.

According to him:

I said 'look at the temperature data, that has been reported by NASA, has been made up, it's fraudulent for however many years, there isn't any warming, there hasn't been for 18.5 years. And yet, they're lying about it. They're just making up the amount of ice in the North and South Poles, they're making up the temperatures, they're lying and making up false charts and so forth. So what's to stop them from making up something that happened on Mars that will help advance their left-wing agenda on this planet?'

So there you have it. Finally, the truth.