Keep your friends close, and make sure your enemies can't touch your stuff. Turns out people will break your nice things and steal your pills. Even if it's something like dog ear medicine.
Listen up, drug dealers, if you sell your garbage on these streets, consider yourself on the naughty list.
That’s right, Santa Claus is coming to town, and this time, it’s personal.
This year, Santa’s got a whole new bag because anti-drug units in Peru are dressing like Father Christmas, perhaps so they can gain entry into any house without a warrant via the chimney. However, Ol’ Saint Nick wasn’t so jolly after a brief stop in Peru, where he raided a suspected drug house, apprehending four individuals who wish they were getting coal this Christmas.
So next time you’re thinking about breaking the law, remember, he’s always watching.
Fancy some eggs, or wanna slay like Bey for a tenner? Then check out Facebook's new Marketplace, which quickly went from innocently selling baby photoshoots, to a used car (with no brakes), to selling drugs to your Mom.
A quick look locally and we found a real gem:
Other people have found live hedgehogs and snakes...
Glad FB Marketplace is taking up prime real estate in the app with deals like this!!! pic.twitter.com/a8ugvXJHuU— Jillian D'Onfro (@jillianiles) October 3, 2016
There's also a snowsuit for your baby, I mean cat, no, I mean baby cat:
...or a passage through time:
Or some lamb:
A yurt for your bird...
...and a creepy AF clown toy:
This is already my favorite place to shop and it's only been open two days.
Snoop Dogg, the world's most chill weed advocate, is taking on the NFL's desire to have access to guns in a new Instagram video.
Snoop takes issue with the NFL wanting to give football players access to guns but not access to weed. He successfully argues that football is already a violent profession which lends itself to perpetuating a violent environment amongst the players, and that weed would be a panacea to this problem of violence and allow the players some respite from their aggressive environment.
He even reached out the NFL to offer his services as an advocate to make this change happen:
Do it, Snoop.
Utah, America's northern-most Florida, has done it again.
A Subway employee in Layton decided to punk a cop by putting a cocktail of marijuana, THC and methamphetamine in his drink, as the world's dumbest free-gift-with-purchase idea.
A video shows the clerk leaning over the Officer's drink a little too long, and the unnamed Sergeant had his colleagues test his drink after he tried to drive back to the station and started to feel all wonky.
The Subway presumptive-former-employee is busy thinking about what he did in a jail cell right now.
Apparently, Whoopi Goldberg has long been a proponent of medical marijuana. As a lifelong woman, she's also presumably experienced a few periods in her day. Now, she's decided to start a business to combine the two with Maya Elisabeth, who is well known for her all female run edible cannabis company Om Edibles. These cannabis products are specifically aimed at helping women deal with cramps.
This assortment includes things you can eat (like chocolate) and stuff to put in the bath or on your skin. Their slogan is "Menstrual relief from names you can trust."
Is Whoopi Goldberg a "name you can trust"? Why not, she always seems to know what she's doing...
Chris Barnicle finished dead last out of 105 people hoping to qualify for the U.S. Men's Olympic Marathon team. His finishing time was 3:45:34, that's pretty fast for a casual runner but, according to FloTrack, it was also the slowest time for an Olympic qualifying marathon since 2000.
He used to be a professional runner but since slowing down after an injury, he has gotten into the edible marijuana business. Barnicle even calls himself the "World's Fastest Stoner". That name actually might be true, he did win a pot-themed marathon in San Francisco just last year.
He ended up having a hard time during the race, cramping up and falling down around mile 22.
Drug smugglers have been caught trying to cross into the U.S. with fake carrots packed with marijuana. This isn't an isolated incident, smugglers have been trying to get more creative with their methods. Another popular veggie to impersonate and fill with drugs? Cucumbers.
Maybe they should try a different method. It seems like it should be pretty easy for a customs agent to spot an oversized carrot made of duct tape.
The suspect handed the Blake Medical Center employee a bag of food he said was for a patient. The employee then checked the food inside the bag, and discovered a syringe hidden inside the burrito.
In light of recent news, what's actually unhealthier though? This drug dealer's heroin-infused culinary twist on the traditional burrito? Or whatever slid out Chipotle's kitchen last summer amidst the Norovirus outbreak scandal?
What are the odds Jesse Pinkman had the car running? Walter White is not pleased with all this heat.
Brought to you fresh and fried out of Lecanto, Florida, The Citrus County Sheriff's Office arrested a woman on shoplifting and drug paraphernalia charges. She was apprehended amidst a shopping cart fueled joyride out of hell.
The woman's been identified as Josseleen Elida Lopez, 25. Lopez was held after scarfing down $32.36 worth of food and wine. She told the authorities she's homeless.
If you're going to hit rock bottom, at least eat some chicken, and wash it down with some wine right? In all seriousness we wish Lopez the best on her road to recovery. Deputies disclosed to the press that they found two empty syringes after arresting Lopez, which she claims she used to inject crystal meth.
Two men, Herbert-Gumbs and Mark Soto were arrested with enough blow last Thursday to frost a fu**ing ski slope—136 pounds to be exact. According to drug prosecutors the drugs seized could've been resold for as much as 3 million dollars.
Perhaps even more shocking than the sheer amount of cocaine discovered, was the decision by the two crooks to stamp some their product with "Messi," as a shoutout to their favorite famous Argentinian soccer player.
Herbert-Gumbs and Mark Soto each face four felony drug possession charges that combined could clock out at 100 years in prison.
The idea behind these videos is that pot makes you slow, like a sloth... get it? Unfortunately, any seriousness behind this message urging kids to stay away from drugs is lost as soon as a hilarious, giant sloth shows up and starts making weird grunting noises while knocking stuff down around them at a glacial pace.
People on the Stoner Sloth Facebook page are questioning if this is real and Stoner Sloth responds!
The official Tumblr for Stoner Sloth is copyrighted by New South Wales Department of Premier and Cabinet and the governmental branding is also on the Stoner Sloth Facebook page so, yes, it really seems to be a real thing.
When Martin Shkreli isn't busy jacking up the price of a life-saving cancer and AIDS drug by 5,000 percent or being an idiot on Twitter, the disgraced pharmaceutical CEO is neck deep in sweet Karma.
San Diego-based Imprimis Pharmaceuticals Inc. announced they will sell the same exact drug Shkreli's company Turing Pharmaceuticals does, but for only $1 a pill.
Shkreli charges $750 a pill.
"We are looking at all of these cases where the sole-source generic companies are jacking the price way up," Mark Baum, Chief Executive at Imprimis, told the AP.
"There'll be many more of these."
Meanwhile, Shkreli decided to start a spat with CNBC on Twitter.
CNBC primetime viewership: 226,000. lol. 90% are muted TVs in hedge fund offices.— Martin Shkreli (@MartinShkreli) October 22, 2015
Martin Shkreli, the poor man's Donald Trump.
Redditor doobieschnauzer has seen the light.
After watching The Simpsons and taking the psychedelic drug LSD for two days, he has concluded that the animated series is "the greatest comedy show ever made."
Here are some of the highlights from his trip to sparkly, swirly, bulging Simpsons land.
We are all Bart.
We are all Lisa.
We are all Marge.
We are all Homer.
We are all Maggie.
Far out, dude.
For the love of god, swipe left.
Remember Martin Shkreli? You know that guy who bought the cheap, life-saving AIDS drug and then raised the price by 5000 percent?
Well, just like everyone you know, he's on Tinder and Eve Peyser matched with him. She recognized him and wanted to start a frank conversation about his business practices.
It went about as well as you'd expect.
Yeah, seems like a regular, misunderstood dude. Hope he finds true love on Tinder.