Cross-Eyed Burglar Gets Positively Destroyed In Comments Section Of His Wanted Notice

The internet really seems to love roasting wanted criminals for their physical attributes (remember Neck Guy?) and this kid is of no exception. The 18-year-old cross-eyed burglar got roasted pretty hard when the Northamptonshire Police department in the UK posted his wanted notice on Facebook.

We almost feel kind of bad for this poor kid, as he can't exactly help that he's cross-eyed, but at the same time, these puns are just too much. They'll definitely make you say, "iris I thought of that one."

Cross-eyed burglar gets roasted on facebook for his funny mugshot
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uk quidditch league set to premiere harry potter sport
Via Rebloggy
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Quidditch, the indecipherable sport from Harry Potter, is set to catch the golden snitch in the United Kingdom.

Nearly 20 years after the sport debuted in J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Sorcerer’s Stone in the states — I DON’T WANT TO GET ANY EMAILS ABOUT THAT), Quidditch, the sport in which I have no idea how it’s played, now has an organized, competitive league in the UK. The Quidditch Premier League takes its cues from the U.S.’s Major League Quidditch, meaning it will host high-level competitions and, presumably, offer a rule book explaining why anyone would bother doing anything in this game other than try to catch the golden snitch.

via BBC

The QPL has laid out their mission statement online, writing:

“The Quidditch Premier League will bring a new level of competitive play to the summer months in the United Kingdom. Exact dates are yet to be confirmed, but our tentative schedule for the inaugural season begin in early July 2017 and end in late August 2017.

Inspired by the success of Major League Quidditch in the United States, we will have regional divisions with teams competing against each other in a regular schedule. Each fixture will comprise of three matches, where each team plays the other three teams in the division. The QPL season will conclude with a scintillating championship weekend, bringing the teams from each division together to crown a champion.

Though a UK league has been demanded for years, nobody has truly attempted to bring a project of this scale to British quidditch players across the country. That is, until now.”

Why they don’t include in this explanation is why everyone on the team doesn’t just try and catch the golden snitch. Like, it just seems like that part of the game was included to give Harry an easy way to save the day."

As mentioned, the QPL will be broken down into two divisions: North and South.

South Division:

  • The London Monarchs – after the residing Royal Family in the capital
  • The Southwest Broadside – after the seafaring and piratical history in the area
  • The Southeast Knights – after the legacy of the Battle of Hastings
  • The Eastern Mermaids – after the many ‘drowned cities’ off the eastern coast

North Division:

  • The Northern Watch – after the iconic Hadrian’s Wall
  • The Yorkshire Roses – after the region’s famous symbol
  • The East Midlands Archers – after the legend of Robin Hood
  • The West Midlands Revolution – after the heritage of the Industrial Revolution

They even added this handy infographic, which helps explain why anyone would waste their time doing anything other than catching the snitch, getting the most points, and ending the game, but hey, I guess it’s better not to ask such questions.

via QPL

But why doesn’t the whole team just go after that thing? It seems easier than trying bat a ball into a hoop.

via Ok Totall

trending news free flight british citizens iceland wow air
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Brits who want to relocate to Iceland are being offered free flights on WOW Air as a welcome to their new host country.

We have a few suggestions for who they might want to expatriate:

Book their trip here.

redhead primates zoo access free day orangutan england
Via Metro
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Red-heads in England will get their chance to hang with their brethren when the Twycross Zoo allows gingers in for free on World Orangutan Day, August 19th.

No word yet on whether noted hot gingers Prince Harry or Benedict Cumberbatch will attend.

British Ducks get Duck lanes.
Via Mashable
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Waddle this way.

Ducks in different parts of England received specially designated 'duck lanes' for their webbed feet.

As Mashable reports:

As part of their #ShareTheSpace campaign, Britain's Canal & River Trust have introduced "duck lanes" that run alongside the water's edge, marking out a clear waddling space for everyone's favourite feathered friends.

Obviously, the ducks don't know enough to follow their specified lanes. The lane is more of a reminder to pedestrians and cyclists to be mindful of their feathered friends.

Here's a video that explains more:

Fail of the Day: Police Break Open Car Window to Save One Very Realistic Doll
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Police in the UK were fooled by one very realistic looking doll.

What started out as a rescue mission to save a baby left laying in the front seat of a locked car ended in embarrassment for police in Dudley, West Midlands.

After a concerned citizen notified the police of an infant in danger, officers jumped into action—smashing Delesia Rattray's car window. But they didn't find what they expected.

When Rattray returned to her car she found a note from police telling her to call the station. Fearing that a baby's life was in danger, the police smashed her window to save what turned out to be Rattray's 10-year-old sister's baby doll.

The doll was wrapped in a blanket with only its head poking out. Police have since apologized and agreed to cover the cost of replacing the window.

You tried, Dudley police. You tried.

A shadow creates an optical illusion of a hange
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Tomorrow's Oct. 1 and the spooky is starting.

The Daily Mail has found photos of street signs that make a shadow that appears to look like a man being hanged.

What makes it super weird is that gallows once stood on that very spot in the Middle Ages, or at least that's what some people claim.

The illusion is seen at a spot called Dead Man's Cross in Dartmouth, Devon, where criminals were hanged in the 13th Century.

Pictures of the shadow at a crossroads between Milton Lane and Waterpool Road have gone viral after being shared on social media.

...Paula Johnston said: 'Definitely not Photoshop. Many locals, including myself, have been to the spot and looked for ourselves. 'It appears on a house opposite the crossroads known as Dead Man's Cross.'

A spokesman for Dartmouth Museum said hangings were common at Dead Man's Cross in the 1400s.

Sooooo creepy.

Manchester prisoner climbs to roof for protest, destruction time.
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A prisoner in a maximum security Manchester prison climbed up to the roof sometime on Sunday demanding better prison conditions and heckling prison guards.

According to The Guardian:

Convicted murderer Stuart Horner has been on the roof of the jail, also known as HM Prison Manchester, since about 2pm on Sunday, defying efforts to talk him down and shouting to fellow prisoners, who are on lockdown in their cells.

...Pictures from the scene show a man perched on the gable roof of the 19th-century, panopticon-style prison, which was slick with early morning rain. On Sunday night, according to the Manchester Evening News (MEN), he was seen climbing poles on the roof, removing his jogging bottoms and shouting remarks such as: "100% reoffender".

Horner, who is visible and audible from the rooftop above the walls of the jail, has complained about prison conditions and shouted he wants to change prison history.

Here's a video showing Horner letting out his aggression on the prison: