guns

Doctors suggest avoiding putting anything smaller than an elbow into the ear canal, which must be some insider medical joke, as no one's elbow reaches their ear. 

The human body is simply amazing, because we would all have perforated eardrums if our pinky's fit into our ear canal. 

No, he would not like fries with that. 

Police arrested U.S. Marshal Charles Brown on Saturday after allegedly threatening a McDonald’s employee in New York City with a gun for taking too long. Now that’s what I call an un-happy meal. Sorry.

According to Gothamist, “Charles Brown, 30, was on line at around 1:20 a.m. at the 86th Street McDonald's in Bay Ridge when he got into an argument with a 25-year-old worker about the wait, according to an NYPD spokeswoman. Brown allegedly stormed out of the establishment, pulled out a gun, and pointed it at the worker from outside, the spokeswoman said.”

via Make A Gif

First, McDonald's employees can't even make a livable wage, now customers don't even want them living. It doesn’t sound like this customer was ba-da-da-da loving it... Again, very sorry. I'm just kind of going through something at the moment. 

Police found Brown a block away with a loaded .40-caliber pistol on his belt. He is being charged “with menacing, a licensed firearm transgression, both misdemeanors, and harassment.” The judge released him without bail and requires that he stay away from McDonald’s. Wait, judges can do that? Then what excuse is there for Hamburglar crime spree? 

Sounds like he left with a real Grimace. Ugh. There’s no excuse for these. It’s just there are so many McDonald’s puns to make. Sesame seed pun. Stop it.

via YouTube

Books? Check.

Pencils? Check.

Glock Pistol? Check.

When it’s time for back to school shopping, it’s good to have your priorities straight, and Liberty University would like you to add “gun” to your shopping list.

Look, Liberty University loves all the amendments the same but loves one just a little bit more than the rest. See if you can guess which one. After permitting students to carry guns to campus and encouraging students to take a class on obtaining their concealed-carry license, Liberty University is installing a NRA-approved firing range on campus. And they’re the first college to do so.

via GIPHY

According to Yahoo, the University filed for a permit earlier this week to build a “nationally recognized, full-scale shooting, training and competition center,” and the NRA offered to help build it. "Last fall, the school's stance on guns attracted national headlines when Jerry Falwell Jr., president of the Christian school, encouraged students to get their concealed carry permits in order to defend themselves against what he said was the threat of armed Muslim attacks," writes Yahoo. His remarks come in conflict with the fact that white terrorists are responsible for more violent crimes on American soil.

He also went on to say this terrifying bit of Islamophobia, “I’ve always thought that if more people had concealed carry permits, then we could end those Muslims before they walked in and killed them.” So you can kind of guess where this dude’s coming from when it comes to guns.

Liberty University also helped finance the Kirk Cameron-vehicle Saving Christmas, which sits at #2 on the IMDb Bottom 100 — even though it barely qualifies as a film.

Anyway, America 2016.

In another example of why conspiracy theories aren’t just harmless fun, a man threatened a pizza place with an assault rifle yesterday because of “pizzagate.”

In case you aren’t on Reddit or 4chan or Twitter, according to Know Your Meme, “pizzagate" is an absolutely insane conspiracy theory, “regarding a series of emails hacked from former Hillary Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta’s account, which some supporters of Donald Trump claimed were coded messages discussing an underground pedophile ring operated at the Comet Ping Pong Pizza restaurant in Washington, D.C.”

Obviously, using the the powers of reason and critical thinking that still so many people on this planet are either suppressing or just do not have, this theory is bunk. But that wasn’t enough to stop a North Carolina man from “self-investigating” the pedophile ring with an assault rifle. 28-year-old Edgar Maddison Welch discharged the rifle but did not shoot anyone when he enterted Comet Ping Pong Pizza yesterday. Police arrested Welch 45 minutes later and seized a Colt .38 caliber handgun and shotgun. Thankfully, no one was hurt.

via Reaction Gifs

According to The Washington Post, “The popular family restaurant, near Connecticut and Nebraska avenues NW in the Chevy Chase neighborhood, was swept up in the onslaught of fake news and conspiracy theories that were prevalent during the presidential campaign. The restaurant, its owner, staff and nearby businesses have been attacked on social media and received death threats.”

Reddit has since banned the “Pizzagate” topic, but it didn’t stop harassment.

That’s the American Dream in 2016, open a small business and gain notoriety through a disgusting conspiracy theory that leads to being threatened by an assault rifle. If anyone needs me, I'll be cowering under my desk in the fetal position until the end of time. 

via The Washington Post

Here’s a dude that’s definitely the worst: This Australian cop who shot a kangaroo right in front of a little kid. Yeah, you read that correctly: Cop shoots kangaroo in front of child. Come on.

News.com.au reports that police were responding to report of an injured kangaroo in north Melbourne, Aust on November 11. Well, one cop responded by shooting an injured kangaroo in the face. Another police officer responded to the officer by saying, “There’s a kid coming.”

Luckily, because this situation can only get worse, the kangaroo didn’t die right away. As News.com.au reports that in the video it can be “seen still twitching and writhing as its blood pools on the footpath.”

Let's take a break from this story:

via Reddit

While the officers say that they did a risk assessment and determined by that the animal needed to be euthanized, they have come under fire for shooting the gun in public

“The police could have definitely handled it better,” said Hash Tropoja, who filmed the incident and uploaded the video to YouTube. “They could have blocked off cars and pedestrians from coming through the line of sight while the sergeant was taking the shot, because the bullet is a small calibre and definitely had the potential to ricochet off of the concrete in to any direction.”

“I think it’s mere luck that nothing tragic happened.”

Nothing tragic, except if you ask the kangaroo, except you can’t ask the kangaroo because the kangaroo was shot and killed. Ugh.

Ok. Let's try to get our minds off this: 

via Nat Geo

The LAPD is currently in the midst of searching Chris Brown's home in Los Angeles for a gun he used to threaten a woman after an "hours long standoff."

Here's how the incident started:

- A woman called 911 and claims Brown pointed a gun at her after being at his house:



- CB posts these 3 Instagram videos:

A video posted by 1 YOU ❤️ 2 HATE (@chrisbrownofficial) on Aug 30, 2016 at 9:07am PDT

Snoop Dogg, the world's most chill weed advocate, is taking on the NFL's desire to have access to guns in a new Instagram video.

Snoop takes issue with the NFL wanting to give football players access to guns but not access to weed. He successfully argues that football is already a violent profession which lends itself to perpetuating a violent environment amongst the players, and that weed would be a panacea to this problem of violence and allow the players some respite from their aggressive environment.

He even reached out the NFL to offer his services as an advocate to make this change happen:







Do it, Snoop.

Apple is releasing a bunch of new emoji, many of them include women doing more things than getting their hair done or wearing a tiara. This should be good news to the lady denizens of the internet who have been asking for these emojis for... years, maybe?

But hey, if for some reason you're upset at all the new emojis for women, never fear. The dancing bunny gals got a gender parity emoji added as well:


via apple

The real topic of controversy is actually centered around Apple's decision to totally remove guns from the line up. They've opted to replace it instead with an adorable, green squirt gun. Some people hate this decision, a lot:


via @DanicaPatrick, @SwiftOnSecurity, @BrianMediner, @kylethale

Others are a little more accepting or just don't care. 


via @BiggChris_76, @AnthonyCumia, @TonyLoweYoYoYo, @PDbitchwork

Okay, they mainly just don't care. Who's out there texting people pictures of guns anyway?

Sit down Neil McCabe.

"It's just part of life, I think," proposes McCabe at one point, when he's confronted with the unavoidable fact that more than 130 people have already died from gun violence in the U.S. this year.

This is where Snow channels his inner GoT Jon Snow, and goes off in the most effective, yet vaguely stoic way possible.

"No, it's part of death, Mr. McCabe," responds Snow. "That's death. That's dead people, people who have died as a result of guns."

Stand up. Now leave Neil McCabe.

This lovely family belongs to Michele Fiore, a Nevada lawmaker. There's only one problem with this image, where are the toddler's guns? Don't they get guns? Maybe the little ones are exercising their right to concealed carrying. 

Make sure you keep your gun oiled—if you know what we mean.

A video posted on Facebook last month is making the rounds, and it will have you on the floor laughing.

Jamie Lee Bracey came across a bottle of 'Gun Oil' lube at a Walmart in Alabama. The bottle was stocked in the firearms section and it caught his eye.

"Apply desired amount to genital areas," he read. "BOOM...they don't event know what they're selling. It's crazy."

That's right. Gun Oil is a personal lubricant popular with gay men. And some poor Walmart employee had no idea what they were doing.

Thank you, Alabama. The jokes just write themselves.

Comedian and actress Amy Schumer hosted Saturday Night Live over the weekend, and one gun-related parody definitely stood out.

The skit shows Schumer and SNL cast members in memorable life moments—a birth, a date, college party. But instead of giving normal gifts, everyone receives a gun.

The sketch was particularly notable because of Schumer's participation. Back in July, three were killed by a gunman after he opened fire in a screening of her film Trainwreck in Louisiana.

Schumer was vocal about gun control after the attack, joining Senator Chuck Schumer (her cousin) in calls to end gun violence.

Social media can be a real pit of despair.

Stephanie Hernandez of Arkansas posted some pictures to Snapchat, Sept. 27, of her boyfriend Rafael Gonzalez in various poses holding a gun to her head. It wasn't long after that she was found dead of a gun shot wound.

Daily Dot has more details on this sad story:

In one of the snaps, the gun is close to Hernandez's head. In another, Hernandez casually posted the phrase "Strap Chat" over the pic—referencing the slang term that means you're carrying a gun.

Hours later, Hernandez was dead. The 21-year-old mother of two young girls was discovered with a gunshot wound. According to the New York Daily News, police found the house "ransacked, with blood all over the floor."

Gonzalez was arrested on Monday. According to Arkansas's KARK, the 20-year-old was charged with murdering his girlfriend, is being held without bond, and faces an initial hearing on Tuesday morning.

Be nice to each other, people.

Oh, Florida—you crazy devil. You've done it again!

Spike's Tactical in Apopka, Florida has started selling AR-15 assault rifles with bible verses on them because ISIS. Psalm 144:1 is laser etched into the magazine, which reads:

"Blessed be the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle."

The gun was built so that member of ISIS couldn't ever use it? Even though we're pretty sure those guys will kill who they want with whatever they want.

"Right now and as it has been for quite some time, one of the biggest threats in the world is and remains Islamic terrorism," said Ben "Mookie" Thomas, spokesman for Spike's Tactical, who is a former Navy Seal and former Blackwater security contractor. "We wanted to make sure we built a weapon that would never be able to be used by Muslim terrorists to kill innocent people or advance their radical agenda."

The gun also features a cross on the lower left side of the unit and the words "God Wills It."

All of this for the low, low price of $1,395 and you too can fight ISIS from your Florida residence!