irony

There is no one to judge you on your birthday, except maybe your pet. They will see you at your very best and worst after a day of celebrations, so make sure to act accordingly.

The last thing you want is your parrot to start mimicking your drunk ranting when your parents come over.

Now head over and enjoy some more Happy Birthday Memes with animals here.

President-elect Trump loves his name. Who wouldn’t? It’s a name. It’s a verb. It’s one syllable. It looks great in front of a bad steak. But on a building, ehhhhhhh, some aren’t so sure.

This afternoon, workers began removing the name “Trump” from one of three luxury apartment buildings, which, look, is the biggest, most luxurious apartment building, but maybe bring up a couple uncomfortable feelings, like xenophobia, fear, political resentment, and divisiveness. Not exactly the type of thing you want for your domicile.

“Our goal was we have no interest in having any political position on anything,” said Sam Zell, the building’s owner. “Once Mr. Trump made the decision that he was going to enter the political scene, we looked at it and said, 'We just want to be neutral. We don't want to have an opinion.’”

According to The New York Times, hundreds of tenants petitioned to “Dump the TRUMP name.” 

This is the most actively neutral name removal we've seen since Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place became just Two Guys and a Girl. Now, that’s a reference everyone can get behind.

This brave woman is standing up for something she believes in by posting to Facebook with her opinion about, among other things, how wrong it is that Millennials' idea of "standing up for something [they] believe in means going on Facebook and posting a status with [their] opinion." (That quote is taken directly from her video. )

Unfortunately, someone beat her to this apology a few years ago:

Like a college student procrastinating on a project, Kanye West decided it would be interesting to his Twitter followers to post a screenshot of what he's currently listening to. But wait, what's that you say? Something Kanye West posted on Twitter backfired on him in an ironic yet predictable way? Yes, Kanye West, a man who hates Pirate Bay so much he considered suing them has Pirate Bay open in his browser and he posted it for all the internet to see. 

EDM producer Deadmau5 even called him out on it.


via @deadmau5

It looks like Kanye was doing a little research into new music software and settled on pirating a copy of Xfer Records Serum.  Deadmau5, who is a also a cofounder of Xfer Records, continued to mock Kanye's choice to torrent his product. 



via @deadmau5

Kanye has yet to respond with a weird Twitter rant but don't worry, there's still time... 

Just kidding! It happened already:


via @kanyewest

The brilliant duo were arrested over the weekend for robbing one of their exes on Friday afternoon, Tulsa police reported.

Sonja Moro, 29, and Paul Terry, 26, teamed up and knocked on Moro's ex-boyfriend's door to demand money. After the victim handed over his wallet to Moro, Terry stayed behind to demand more money.

The victim said he didn't have any more money and that's he was calling the police. When police arrived the robbers were long gone, but the victim easily identified his assailants, having dated Moro and was able to give a description because of the distinguishable tattoos on Terry's face.



Next time you want to rob someone you know in real life, wear a ski mask to hide your f*ck cops tattoos. 

Time Magazine named Donald Trump to the short list of their Person of the Year 2015 this week. The photoshoot for the issue was done months ago, but with the article being published and having basically everything on Donald Trump's nomination campaign trending online, the internet only just got the gift of the above GIF.

Beyond the obvious hilarity of watching Trump dodge a bald eagle at his desk, there is the beautiful irony that a hopeful Presidential Nominee was almost attacked by a bald eagle named Uncle Sam.

Others also replied to @Time by using some of Trump's recent rhetoric with the GIF:

Watch the full behind-the-scenes of Time's photoshoot with Trump below.



As always, Trump had his own last words:

If you thought former Subway spokesperson and admitted child predator Jared Fogle couldn't get any more punchable, you'd be very wrong.

Fogle, who pled guilty to child pornography charges and crossing states lines to have sex with minors, can be seen in this unearthed video making fun of other alleged predators on To Catch a Predator.

The clips comes from a VH1 series, I Love The New Millennium, where actors and comedians comment on pop culture. Fogle can be seen at around 1:50 mocking would-be child predators.

"These guys continue to fall for it every single time. There must be, like, a hundred million episodes of this show, and these guys still come out," he says.

OK, Jared. (rage throws keyboard across room)

A Michigan pastor named Rev. Matthew Makela (who is married with 5 kids) resigned this week from St. John’s Lutheran Church after he was caught cruising Grindr for men.

An anonymous source sent some screenshots of some of his chats to the gay news site Queerty, who exposed his hypocrisy to the church as well as the rest of the world.

In the conversations, he says he “loves making out naked,” “oral and massage,” and he reveals that he is a “top.”

Of course he probably just meant “top Biblical scholar,” right?

As Queerty points out, outing his private gay sex life is important here, as he has been an outspoken, anti-gay voice in his church and online.

He has compared being gay to being an alcoholic, and accused the transgender movement of assisting “opportunistic sickos.”

Queerty writes:

If Makela made even one LGBT kid at St. John’s “Christ-based” elementary school, their parents, friends, family or anyone who ever stepped foot in the church feel like being true to yourself is shameful (and it seems all too likely that he did), then we’re glad to share his hypocrisy with the world.

A senior pastor at the church posted the following statement in response to the story.

“The details of sin that have been kept confidential are being posted online by those who seek to do harm to the Makela family and to St. John’s,” writes Rev. Daniel Kempin. “This is taking an already difficult situation and making it even more painful.”

His profile on the church’s website has since been deleted from their staff page, and St. John’s is telling people not to pay attention to the story. Their Facebook page has also been deleted.

It appears they are trying to erase his online presence and pretend none of it ever happened.

Because if there’s one thing to learn from all this, burying the truth is clearly the best solution.

Members of the neo-Nazi National Democratic party (NPD) in Germany were supposed to participate in a rally in Freiburg last Saturday.

Unfortunately (for them) the rally never happened, as they got on the wrong train and ended up in the city of Mannheim.

Their original train was overcrowded with soccer fans, so police forced them to take the next one. They failed to check the destination, however, before boarding.

“We didn’t miss them,” said the mayor of Freiburg.

These neo-Nazis aren’t exactly the brightest bulbs in the box.

Last year, the village of Wunsiedel turned an annual neo-Nazi march into a fundraiser supporting an anti-Nazi group called EXIT-Germany, and the neo-Nazis had no clue.

In carefully worded news Camel maker Reynolds has decided "that beginning next year, the use of traditional cigarettes, cigars or pipes will no longer be permitted at employee desks or offices, conference rooms, hallways and elevators." Additionally, "We believe it's the right thing to do and the right time to do it because updating our tobacco use policies will better accommodate both non-smokers and smokers who work in and visit our facilities. We're just better aligning our tobacco use policies with the realities of what you're seeing in society today."

[Via: USA Today]

The living local monument fell victim to an infestation of insects that couldn't be bested. According to Councilman Tom LaBonge, a new one will be planted in its stead shortly.