jokes

The internet has revolutionized so much of our lives - drones deliver packages to our houses, we can keep in touch with our loved ones around the world, and with Tinder and other dating apps - we can use terrible, punny pickup lines from the comfort of our homes. Ain't life grand?

Here's a haul of sweet comedy gems lurking within the Twitterverse.

We're not completely sure what's going, but what's clear here is that @drewtoothpaste is into Ohio and threatening ass kickings. It's dumb, but kinda funny.

Meet Knickers, Australia's biggest cow. He is apparently so big he cannot be slaughtered so is now living out his days as a "leader" for younger cattle in Australia's Southwest. Check out some of the funniest jokes about this giant creature. 

This story about an incompetent driving grandma is a real wild ride with maybe the dumbest ending we've ever seen. You just have to read the thing for full effect. If you want some more somewhat light funny stories, then here are some greentext stories to make you feel better about yourself.

These epically brutal roasts didn't hold anything back.

The company owned by Ivanka Trump's in-laws, the Kushner family definitely managed to ignite a hilarious wave of meme-inspired, dildoesque ridiculousness. Did they know the internet has no shame when it comes to drawing sexualized comparisons? They had to have. I refuse to believe anything else. That building is a steel-framed, thunderous erectile implant, and if the Kushners go through with creating it; all the power to 'em. 

Bad jokes are the best jokes! Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Bdum tzzzzz.....

Dad jokes are our parents way of getting revenge for the first ~year or two of complete sleep deprivation lack of intimacy and way too many articles of clothing destroyed by vomit. Not to mention all the hair they lose from worrying about us. So when you wonder why your dad made you cringe so hard you got permanent wrinkles, remember that you totally deserve it the devil child that you are/were.

How do court recorders keep straight faces?! 

Remember to check your sources, or you might end up like one of these doofuses, getting mad over something that you didn't even realize was a joke.

Either they don't get the joke or they don't want to. None of us wanted it to be this way.

Just when you think people can't stoop low enough, they respond seriously to an Onion article. Is it a lack of critical thinking skills? Poor reading comprehension? Zero sense of humor? Bogus knowledge of the real world and an inability to distinguish between fact from fiction? Okay, yeah it's probably a combination of all of these. Anyway if you liked these then here's more times people assumed The Onion was trying to be a reputable News source.

So dumb and we absolutely love it. Get ready to subtly laugh your ass off. 

So much facepalm. Always make sure to look at the source.

It's the weekend. You deserve to sit back, relax and waste some time.

Satire isn't for everyone. Here are some folks who chose not to see the humor in The Onion.