Keep your friends close, and make sure your enemies can't touch your stuff. Turns out people will break your nice things and steal your pills. Even if it's something like dog ear medicine.
These memes have been carefully screened by the overlords and found to be up to scratch to give to you connoisseurs of the internet.
A wise man once told me, You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. I never saw him again. Laugh your butt off even more with some of these fantastic memes that will break through any level of boredom. (Though your level of procrastination will significantly rise)
Need to stay up to date on what the latest trends are on Instagram? Well this list of Instagram memes will not help you with that but it will definitely show you the more ridiculous side of the app.
When you’ve only got 30 minutes to deliver a pizza, you better have a little magic on your side.
Ever the innovators, Domino’s Pizza, the inventor of the Pizza Tracker, is training reindeer to deliver pizza.
According to a press release from Domino’s Japan, they have begun testing reindeer to deliver pizza, cheesy bread, wings, and ice-cold Coca-Cola products right to your doorstep. The animals will be equipped with a GPS, so customers can track the reindeer’s course via smart phone. By the looks of this video, the reindeers, who are transported in a small crate, are treated much better than on the North Pole and genuinely want to deliver pizza.
BREAKING: Domino's Japan is currently testing out a way to deliver pizzas via reindeer pic.twitter.com/6kPCdqk7wj— Ryan Broderick (@broderick) November 28, 2016
Fortune reports, “Domino’s is still working out the kinks of its new delivery method. The first attempt involved attaching pizza boxes to the reindeer’s back, but those quickly fell off. The second attempt reverted back to tradition: Reindeers pulling pizza in a red sleigh.”
No word yet on if bad tippers get coal instead of pizza. Also, no confirmation on whether or not this is just a hoax or a piece of viral marketing. The press release promises an update on Thursday.
Let’s just hope these reindeer are quick enough to "avoid the Noid."
As technology gets better, fake IDs get worse.
The Daily Hampshire Gazette reports that a woman was arrested outside a bar in Amherst, Mass, after she struck the doorman in the face. Now what could have led to that? When he asked for her ID, she attempted to give him a slice of pizza.
“After being informed that pizza was not a valid means of gaining entry to the establishment, the woman slapped the doorman in the face, according to police, and was issued a trespass notice to stay away from the location.”
Everyone knows that pizza isn’t a valid form of ID, but it is a good bargaining tool, whether you’re trying to get your kid brother to clean your room or you’re trying to lurer the Ninja Turtles back to your layer.
Look, physical violence is never acceptable, but it does seem like a lot of people in this situation had zero chill.
Lazy Kiwi's can rejoice! Domino's Pizza has chosen Auckland, New Zealand as the first place they are going to test out drone pizza delivery!
The DRU drone, by maker Flirtey looks pretty good for the task, and we're hoping it will carry a heated bag so we don't get our pie's tepid at our door.
Because nothing's worse than limp pizza.
Read more about Domino's autonomous delivery vehicle innovations here.
The Marion Country Sheriff's department in Oregon shared this story on their Facebook about how the delivery drivers at a local Domino's saved the life of a loyal customer:
On Sunday, May 8th an alert Domino’s delivery driver called the Sheriff’s Office after a regular customer failed to order a pizza from the Salem area company. Tracey Hamblen, an employee at Domino’s on Silverton Road NE, called the Sheriff’s Office after not speaking with the customer in 11 days. Mr. Hamblen had formed a relationship with the victim because of the regular orders and knew he suffered form severe health issues.
When the Sheriff’s Office arrived at the residence in the 4100 block of Penticton Circle NE, they could hear a man calling for help from inside the residence. Deputies forced entry and found Kirk Alexander, age 48, of Salem down and in need of immediate medical attention.
Thanks to the quick actions of Mr. Hamblen, Mr. Alexander is in stable condition at the Salem Hospital. The Sheriff’s Office would like to personally thank Mr. Hamblen for his quick actions and willingness to take time out of his day to care for others.
So far, it seems like this new "pizza robot" is only being introduced in New Zealand. According to a Facebook post by Domino's, the new delivery system, that they call DRU, isn't out in full force but it's getting there:
DRU has a passion for delivering piping hot meals and a nice warm smile to customers. While he won't be taking to the streets tomorrow, he is enjoying his early progress as a prototype and giving customers a glimpse into the future of what is possible.
This idea seems very similar to an April Fools day campaign that Domino's UK ran last year. Could that be what started this project?
Looking to shave a few seconds off your pizza order? Well, you're in luck.
Domino's is testing out a new "Easy Order" button in the UK. And if you're really, really into pizza—this might do the trick for you.
The Easy Order actually comes in two forms: a physical and a virtual button. The physical option is provided by Flic and is a tiny magnetic button that can be programmed to do a number of different things. We've seen it used to control various phone functions, like snoozing an alarm or taking a photo, in the past, but Domino's will pair it with an app over Bluetooth in order for it to become your pizza delivery companion. Simply save your address and payment details on the Domino's website or app and select your favourite order -- the rest takes care of itself.
We're one useless invention away from Smart House.
"Keep the change, ya filthy animal."
The month marks the 25 anniversary of Home alone. To commemorate the fact that the '90s were, yes, really THAT long ago—UberEATS is selling pizza from the Christmas classic.
Starting at 11 a.m., fans can order the classic cheese pizza that Kevin orders before scaring away the pizza guy.
Uber drivers bearing the Little Nero's hats and car logo will bring the pies in their appropriate Little Nero's Pizza boxes. The pizza will actually be local restaurants such as Numero 28 Pizzeria in New York, The Doughroom in Los Angeles, Big G's Pizza in Chicago or Patxi's Pizza in San Francisco.
If you order the pizza pie, you'll also get a digital code to watch Home Alone.
Fun fact: Hillary Clinton's campaign is powered by pizza and anal.
At least that is what some Twitter users saw when they logged onto the platform via the mobile app yesterday and saw her campaign's unfortunate tweet.
The original tweet, viewed on desktop, is harmless enough.
But when viewed on mobile, things get rather saucy.
People noticed immediately. And they wouldn't let Hillz forget about it.
if i ever run for president, my campaign will definitely be powered by pizza and anal sex— 少女革命エミリー (@EmilyTheLilin) November 5, 2015
@HillaryClinton I love where this tweet cuts off. "Clinton's Campaign is powered by pizza and anal..."— Luke (@LukeRomesberg) November 5, 2015
Pizza and anal is the new Netflix and chill.— Jayvie Canono (@OneFineJay) November 5, 2015
Hey, girl. Wanna come over for some pizza and anal?
Have you ever been just hanging out and had an immediate urge for a cold, stale slice of pizza that you have to remove from a plastic pouch?
Have you ever wanted an edible necklace of old pizza?
Have you ever wanted other people to know that you have an uncontrollable need for pizza and absolutely no patience?
No. The answer to all of these questions is 'no'.
But still, if you want to buy a pizza pouch, you have that option as a free, individual human.
As described on the website:
No one should ever be without pizza. Sadly, (often tragically) pizza is not always available for immediate hand-to-mouth consumption. Prepare yourself. Keep and carry a backup slice with this specially designed Pizza Pouch. A durable zip-lock sealing neck-strap pie slice device. Always fresh and ready. BONUS: Just wearing this Pizza Pouch will instantly make you more popular and attractive. It's a bold (and delicious) fashion statement. Portable pizza. The best invention since delivery. * Please Note: Due to the sudden (understandable) popularity and limited stock on hand, these may not ship until October 18. Be patient. Be strong. They will come.
Seriously though, if you put a slice of pizza in that thing and it's even just a little bit warm, won't all the cheese and toppings pull off of it when you shove your greasy, greedy hand into it to dig it out?
I'm buying three.
One for me. One for a Christmas present. One as a spare for me.
You might not know that the Pope is in America. Especially if you've been in a coma for the past month.
It's causing people to do some pretty intense things in the name of putting the papacy on its pedestal. Things like dressing their dogs up like the Holy See and creating emojis to welcome his visit.
Well, some pizza men in New York wanted to do something in their wheelhouse when the Pope comes to the Big Apple Sept. 25. So they put him on a pizza.
The five-hour process came from a place of respect according to local channel ABC 7:
"We want to do something special for the Pope, he's coming back to the city," said Tony Salihaj, the chef.
The highly anticipated arrival of Pope Francis in New York already has venues across the city cooking up a surprise or two.
"We decided to make an image of him the best we can," Salihaj said. "We're pizza men we're not artists."
Tony Salihaj says he came up with the papal pizza recipe along with a friend and then quickly put it into execution; with the help of mozzarella and ricotta cheese, tomatoes, anchovies, and peppers to round out the details and adornments.
"This took about five hours to make this one and lots of patience," Salihaj said.
Look at him in all of his greasy grace.
We can guess what their decision process looks like:
A Florida woman was being held hostage in her home by her boyfriend on Tuesday, and a Pizza Hut helped save her life.
Cheryl Treadway and her kids were being threatened by a man named Ethan Nickerson at knifepoint and were not allowed to leave.
Nickerson also took away her cell phone, but he let her use it briefly to order a pizza, according toMyFox Tampa.
That’s when she used some quick thinking to write “911 hostage help” in the comments section of her order.
A chef at the Pizza Hut noticed the strange message and the restaurant quickly alerted the police.
The suspect was then arrested and charged, while Treadway and her kids escaped to safety.
This story is very similar to another real-life incident which was used in a Superbowl ad this year to raise awareness about domestic violence.
Doing God’s work all day can make a man hungry.
In a recent TV interview in Mexico, Pope Francis said that there was one thing he really didn’t like about his job.
“The only thing I would like is to go out one day, without being recognized, and go to a pizzeria for a pizza,” he said.
This past weekend, his wish was – sort of – granted.
Francis motorcade was making its way through Naples on Sunday, when a man named Enzo Cacialli ran up to him and handed him a pie with the words “Il Papa” written out in dough.
Probably not the best idea in the world to sprint towards the popemobile like a maniac, but no one seemed to mind.
Cacialli is co-owner of Pizzeria Don Ernesto, which also gave a pizza to Bill Clinton in 1994.
Here’s a closr look at the Pope’s pie from the Pizzeria “Don Ernesto” Facebook page which was topped with yellow cherry tomatoes and mozzarella di bufala: