Can't say all of these will work for you, or that some are even safe enough to be advisable, but here's some ideas to get you going in the right direction. Also if you do the seagull one you're a bastard. If you want to become feared by strangers and hated by your friends, then check out these things you can do to mess with people's minds.
stories
Ah, Uber. The revolutionary mode of transportation is a popular app used by millennials everywhere, and as expected, filled with funny and wild stories, which are mostly told from the passengers POV ... but what about the drivers? They hear everything. All day long. And here are some of the funniest things they've shared with the rest of the world:
If you came here to here about brothers who fart on you, sisters who also fart on you, loud grandpa sneezes and abysmally terrific dad jokes, then you came to the right place. It's kinda wholesome, but also kind of realistically stupid and gross. If you're in it for the puns, here are some of tumblr's most punishingly dad-tastic jokes.
Having roommates is one thing, but if your walls are thin enough, you may find yourself living with more people than you expected. In this situation, you have to learn to live with hearing the successes, failures, arguments and farts of everyone in your building. You may even share a moment with complete strangers.
Some people grow out of it, some don't. Children are stupid idiots. Sure, they're just learning everything about the world for the first time, but hot damn are they dumb as rocks for a while there. We were dumb too. We're still dumb, but we can do long division and drive, so that's pretty good.
By Unknown
H. Jon Benjamin ("Bob's Burgers," "Archer") stars in this exclusive animated adaptation of the famed McSweeney's Internet Tendency piece, "In Which I Fix My Girlfriend's Grandparents' WiFi and Am Hailed as a Conquering Hero," by Mike Lacher.
Via Uproxx
Kyle Camp, a 10-year-old with Down syndrome, went missing Tuesday afternoon. Within hours, hundreds of friends and family had fanned out to find him.
When he didn't turn up, they feared the worst.
But 18 hours after he was last seen, Kyle was discovered safe and sound in a creek -- along with a mini expedition: His four puppies had "kept him warm overnight" in the woods until their barks gave up their location.
Awww.
Via BuzzFeed
Kabang jumped in front of a motorcycle last year to save the lives of two little girls in the Philippines -- but she lost her snout in the process.
Despite the grave injury, Kabang showed no signs of suffering, so her owner decided not to put her down. Kabang soon learned how to eat with her paws.
Still, her wounds weren't quite healing properly.
Enter the Internet: This month, thanks to $20,000 in online donations, Kabang is undergoing reconstructive surgery at UC-Davis.
Awww.
Via The Province
Meet Ozzy, a Vancouver cat who took a crossbow shot to the neck last week -- and promptly became the Internet's newest meme.
(And not to worry: Several days and $1,000 worth of vet services later, he's all good.)
Via Reddit
Redditor sweeetniblets posted this photo this week:
My friend just went to pet cats at our local animal shelter, and found her cat that had been missing for over a year.
Behold tears of pure happiness and joy!
(Update: Kitty obviously is thrilled to be home.)
Via Reddit
Here's a heartwarmer -- five years ago, Redditor Mantees found a tiny kitten. But it wasn't your average kitten:
While I was on holiday in the south of Italy (was living in the north) I found a tiny kitten desperately crying with the power of a thousands suns. I decided to take care of her during my holiday, so that she would be stronger and more capable to survive when I would leave back home. At the time she was obviously too young to survive alone under a 43 degrees Celsius (109 F) sun.
Her legs were clearly not okay, the mouth was also asymmetrical and impossible to close, probably because of a trauma, but the worst news still had to come. The following day I brought her to the vet who said that her eyes were closed not only because she was still too young but also because an infection ate both eyeballs. The vet also said that she was too weak, and that he thought that she could not survive.
In the following days my brother and I started to take care of her eyes infection, ears infection, intestine worms and fever, while keeping her warm, feeding her with warm powder milk every 4 hours and teaching her to follow the noise of our steps and clapping hands. After 15 days Skunky was still weak but alive, but I had to leave. So I changed my plane reservation to include a pet, and long story short, Skunky is now sleeping in my bed, with the body under my covers and her head on my pillow.
…what Skunky gives to me everyday is worth 10 times more what I might do for her.
Puddle of tears.
[reddit]
