“Turkey makes me sleepy because I’m a wittle baby.”
You’re probably so sick of hearing that, and not just because you invited a giant talking baby to your Thanksgiving again, but also because it’s not necessarily true.
Wired has taken umbrage with the idea that the tryptophan-heavy turkey is what causes the Thanksgiving tiredness. In fact, as they point out in this bite-sized video, it’s the whole meal that makes you tired.
From soup to nuts, or whatever Thanksgiving metaphor that works better for this article, the whole meal delivers a hardy mixture of tryptophan and carbs. Ugh, not them again. Basically you get tired because all the food you eat contains these chemicals and all the carbs in potatoes and stuffing you cram down your gullet on Turkey Day force your body to slow down and digest.
Check it out the video and be the smartest person at the table.
A "20-lb roasted free-range, organically raised $85/lb turkeys, seasoned with a proprietary exotic spice mix of spices imported from the Middle East, basted with imported $17/oz extra-virgin olive oil from Italy."
"A rich stuffing - the operative word is rich because it consists of $465/lb imported Japanese prized Wagyu beef, $54/lb foie gras, and $46/loaf sourdough bread imported from the U.K."
"Whipped sweet potatoes topped with $1,600/oz caviar from Caspian Sea."
"Green beans not exactly like the ones the first Pilgrims and Native Americans shared - these are prepared with chunks of imported $90/lb ham from pigs fed a special root diet."
"Homemade pumpkin ice cream with $4,200/bottle rum-infused eggnog sauce.”
Look, a $4,200 bottle of eggnog sauce sounds good until you consider Stovetop Stuffing, a stuffing so good that children all over the neighborhood devise elaborate schemes to get two Stovetop Stuffing dinners. Yeah, Stovetop's pretty good.
You’re not just getting some special greens filled with pig chunks, though. You also get tickets to a Giants game, a night at the Waldorf (room service and breakfast in bed included), limousine travel, a Fifth Avenue shopping spree, and, as Gothamist puts it, “You'll also be able to punch a carriage horse in the face take a horse-drawn carriage ride through Central Park (which is practically the same thing).”
So, if you’ve got the money, why not consider blowing it on something totally frivolous like this meal. Your fellow Americans will thank you for it.
It's Thanksgiving again, and you know what that means!
Turkey, dressing, football and being hassled by all of the extended family you see once a year.
But Twitter has got your back. If Aunt Shirley starts talking mess, just choose from these sick burns below that users have crowdsourced with #ThanksgivingClapback.
In her new series "Thanksgiving Special," Hannah Rothstein imagines what turkey dinner might look like through the eyes of some famous artists. She's also selling limited edition prints of the photos, with a portion of the proceeds going to a local food bank.
Basically yes kids, play with your food. Because art.
Walmart representative John Forrest Ales confirmed to Yahoo Food that the sweet potato pies are selling like hot cakes (er, pies) at locations across the country. "For 72 hours, we were selling one per second," he told us. Ales wouldn't go into specifics about sales figures, but at $3.48 a pie, that works out to just under $1 million in sales over the weekend. The pie's product page is currently the most-visited food site on Walmart.com, Ales said.
Those who couldn't get a pie are pretty upset.
And if you can't wait for Walmart to stock back up, the $3.49 pies are being sold on Ebay for ridiculous prices.
Can we talk about this instead of a dumb red coffee cup?
George's Senate Coney Island
in Northville, MI, has made a promise. For anyone that has no where to go on Thanksgiving, they can come to the restaurant for a free meal.
The store owner, an immigrant from Greece, says he has been doing this for years, inviting the homeless or others with no where to go to participate in the tradition.
"It makes my heart feel good to do it, and help a little bit," he told WILX.
That's the spirit! Now, here's a funny GIF of some turkeys.
We are thankful that this girl (above) doesn't understand how turkeys are born. [Nerissa Hawkinson]
Obama's daughters appeared less than enthused about the annual turkey pardon, and one GOP staffer publicly shamed them for it. [Gawker]
This guy covered his roommate's entire bedroom in tin foil while he was away for the holiday. Because that's what (sociopathic) friends do. [TheTrubadour44] Less people shopped Black Friday this year, but that didn't stop them from tearing each other apart for TVs [The Street Fights]
Amid the Thanksgiving travel chaos, US Airways determined that pigs can't fly [CNN]
Kiss guitarist Paul Stanley mysteriously claims the band was "screwed over" by Macy's at this year's parade. But it was actually Gene Simmons' tongue that didn't get the air time it deserved. [Rolling Stone]
Warning: Graphic turkey violence.
Did you ever wonder how they choose which turkey gets pardoned by the president?
A bloody farm fight to death obviously.
"Gobble Games" - featuring a "cameo' by Obama - imagines a world where tribute turkeys need to tear each other apart for their freedom.
Remember their sacrifice as you're stuffing yourself with them this week.
Cameron Diaz hosted SNL on Saturday for its Thanksgiving episode, and this might be the best skit of the night.
With the help of Diaz, the women on the cast performed a song about being back home with your parents for the holiday, and - you know - mooching, napping and eating way too much food out of bowls.
Remember that family that rapped about their Christmas pajamas last year? Don't want to remember that?
Well either way, they are back again and jumping on the Meghan Trainor parody bandwagon, with a song about basting turkeys.
Warning: Very SFW.
In Wallingford, Connecticut, the turkeys eat YOU for dinner.
"Fred" and "Ethel" have been spotted chasing cars and causing havoc in the streets nearly every morning by commuters.
Either way, these turkeys won't be going in an oven without a fight!
The winds were so strong in Manhattan during the annual parade, that the people walking with the Barney float lost control. The giant balloon swayed into a street light, puncturing a giant hole in Barney's side.
Black Friday is here. With all of the great deals our favorite retailers will be offering, there is always some shopping madness. Here is a video that's compiled Black Fridays past... hopefully this will be a good reminder to take it easy this year... maybe.
