Cigarettes, asbestos, bacon—what do these three things all have in common?

Cancer.

The World Health Organization announced today that bacon, sausage and other processed meats are ranked alongside deadly known carcinogens.

The investigation involved 22 scientists invited by the WHO's International Agency for Research on Cancer to look at links between 16 cancers and processed meats.

Processed meat now falls into "group 1," putting it alongside tobacco smoking.

The Internet didn't take the news very well.

Of course there's a study claiming bacon causes cancer. It's something that brings people joy.

— rstevens ☕️ (@rstevens) October 26, 2015

When you read the headline saying bacon causes cancer https://t.co/8CgiCBSJ6t

— Darth Vader (@DepressedDarth) October 26, 2015

Bacon causes cancer? Well I'm going to try to eat it all so no one else has to suffer. Not all heroes wear capes.

— Ol' QWERTY Bastard (@TheDiLLon1) October 26, 2015

"smoking causes cancer" ugh gross i would never smoke i'm gonna live forever "nitrates in bacon cause cancer" well i have to die somehow

— rufous nightjar (@post_prufrock) October 26, 2015

So, a very upset Englishman had a problem that would only happen in your nightmares.

His girlfriend let the cat eat his bacon and he desperately wants the police to come in and assert some justice. His suffering cannot be measured and has sent shockwaves across the globe for those who crave righteousness for such a heinous situation.

News outlets are reporting it even over the pond.:

An Englishman called the emergency line for the West Yorkshire Police recently to report that his girlfriend had let his feline eat his bacon. And not only that, but he wanted to move forward with charges on both the kitty and the girlfriend.

Here's a video that includes the audio of that very important emergency phone call in question:

If this man cannot find justice, where does it exist in the world?

Imagine if you never had pay for bacon ever again… or at least for the next 20 years.

Well now that’s a possibility, thanks to the Hoosier Lottery in Indiana.

They have unveiled a new $2 scratch off game this week called “Bringin’ Home the Bacon,” which is both bacon-scented and gives you the chance to win 20 years worth of the artery-clogging deliciousness.

You can also win up to $10k in cash to pay for all those medical bills from your cardiologist.

The website promoting the new ticket includes a bacon quiz, bacon recipes, a link to Facebookasking you debate Tongs vs Forks, and a “Bacon Cam” where you can watch some strips sizzle in a frying pan.

There are also various events around the state associated with the game (in partnership with Indiana Pork), including one at the Indiana State Far in August.

Now you can gamble with your money and your health.

Thanks ‘Murica!

Come February 23, Little Caesars Pizza is single-handedly going to give everyone in America a heart attack.

The company announced Wednesday that it will begin selling a new deep dish pizza with a crust that is wrapped in 3.5 feet of bacon.

It will contain two different types of bacon and will also be covered in pepperoni, because you need to eat more meat.

"It's unabashedly delicious," said Little Caesars spokesman Edward Gleich. "That's why we like to say, 'In Bacon We Crust!'"

This is just the latest in a long line of fast food monstrosities which get a lot of a attention online for their freakish nature and often unhealthy ingredients.

Recently KFC in the Philippines introduced us to a new iteration of its "Double Down sandwich, the "Double Down Dog," which consists of a hot dog covered in melted cheese with a piece of fried chicken as the bun.

And Pizza Hut in Australia announced back in December that it was selling a stuffed crust pizza covered in Doritos.

Little Caesars' Bacon Wrapped Crust DEEP!DEEP! Dish will cost $12 and be available until April… or when our arteries are sufficiently clogged.

In celebrating the annual American tradition of glutton fest that we call Thanksgiving, a group of YouTube's well-known food vloggers from Epic Meal Time, My Drunk Kitchen and Feast of Fiction team up to cook up a greasy smörgåsbord for Someone Cares Soup Kitchen.

The summer grilling season might be coming to a close, but bacon-wrapped hot dog season is eternal.

[iheartchaos]