The Judge Can't Even Believe This Guy's Name, and Neither Will You

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There it is:



From Arbroath:

"My last name is c0caine," proudly stated the man at the podium. His name was indeed legal and inscribed on his driver's licence. "You know, I'd thought I'd seen it all," Hurley laughed, shaking his head. "How many times have the police told you to step out of the car during your life?"

This Is All Kinds Of Wrong of the Day

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(Heads up -- video is graphic.)

Or maybe this story is all kinds of right.

Detroit rapper Young Calicoe recently posted a video tour of his home on YouTube, and he made sure to show off his (alleged) backyard animal-fighting operation, including makeshift kennels that house his collection of dogs and roosters:

Anybody want a fighting dog? I hope we don't get indicted for that. That Michael Vick type sh*t.

Now the criminally dumb Calicoe is the focus of a police investigation -- as the top commenter on the video puts it: "You just made the front page of reddit. You, sir, are f**ked."

Calicoe is taking the moral highground via Twitter: "If u find a video of me "FIGHTING DOGS" PLEEEEZE LET ME KNO"

[mashable]

Criminally Dumb Criminal of the Day

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Criminally Dumb Criminal of the Day
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A Portland, Oregon woman was arrested and charged with one count of trespassing after police determined a friend was smuggling her into an apartment complex, from which she was banished in April 2011. Authorities found Kola J. McGrath, 50, hiding in a closet of a unit rented by Curtis T. Lowe. Their Trojan Horse: a pink suitcase.

Hotel workers long suspected someone had been smuggled into the complex, but had no way of proving it. However, a caller tipped police about seeing a woman placed in a pink suitcase and carried into one of the units. The suspect's description matched Lowe's, and a subsequent search of his apartment revealed the suitcase and McGrath.

Workers told police the two had been involved in a relationship, but McGrath had been banned from the complex after breaking a fire extinguisher with her purse during an argument. A subsequent warning about violating the building's visitation policy went unheeded. McGrath has since been released.

[arbroath]

Criminally Dumb Criminal of the Day

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Criminally Dumb Criminal of the Day
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A Disney Cruise employee named Nelson has become internet infamous after allegedly stealing a passenger's iPhone and using it to take several photos. Thanks to Apple's Photo Stream feature, the owner of the phone was able to grab Nelson's snaps of himself, his friends and his girlfriend and upload them to her Facebook account.

"This is Nelson," she wrote next to one photo. "Nelson stole my iPhone."

While it hasn't been proven that this man actually took the phone and then foolishly failed to delete the owner's account before using it as his own, things certainly don't look good.

"I have alerted the officials of the Disney Cruiseline and forwarded them the photos. Hopefully I'll get my phone back and maybe some free passes to Disneyland," wrote the alleged theft victim.

Disney has yet to comment on the incident.

[nymag]

Criminally Dumb Criminal of the Day

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Criminally Dumb Criminal of the Day
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20-year-old Michael Baker of Jenkens, Kentucky, was charged last month with stealing gasoline from a police cruiser after he posted photographic evidence of the theft -- complete with grin and bird-flip -- on Facebook, where it was passed around town and eventually seen by local police.

The photo has since been taken down, but Baker's Facebook page is still up. On his wall, he told a friend, "yea lol i went too (sic) jail over facebook."

Baker posted bail yesterday.

[22words.]

Criminally Dumb Criminal of the Day

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Criminally Dumb Criminal of the Day
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Mohammad Ashan, a mid-level Taliban commander, is suspected of plotting at least two attacks on Afghan security forces, so officials plastered hundreds of posters emblazoned with the insurgent's name and likeness around the district of Sar Howza. When Ashan took notice of the $100 finder's fee, he snatched a poster and marched into a police checkpoint, looking to collect. Instead, he was arrested on the spot.

"This guy is the Taliban equivalent of the 'Home Alone" burglars," one U.S. official said.

[shortformblog]