Jeb Bush woke up today thinking, "What is America?" That's when he ran out and bought a gun so that he could Tweet the most 'Murica Tweet that has ever been posted with complete sincerity. The obvious stream of memes followed but, unfortunately for Jeb, it was really hard to top the original punchline/genuine attempt at a heartfelt, patriotic Tweet. That isn't to say they aren't worth reading, some of them may even inspire you to clap.
Primaries loom heavy on the horizon and we're all focused on the big, weighty stuff that matters, like who will run this country into the ground slow as possible, or potentially effect some real, quantifiable positive change—psyche.
Rubio's gleaming, stack-heeled ankle boots he wore whilst out campaigning in New Hampshire January 3rd, are the talk of the allegedly politically-savvy town. Look at these sick puppies:
And what would what appears as a percolating apocalyptic political fallout be without Rand Paul dropping a video on Twitter where we basically watch him put on a Rubio-mocking fashion show in Whoopi Goldberg's dressing room.
At least Rubio capitalized on all this child's play when he released the following statement that calls this clusterf*ck of nonsensical schoolyard bullying out for what it is:
"Let me get this right," Rubio said in his speech. "ISIS is cutting people's heads off, setting people on fire in cages, Saudi Arabia and Iran on the verge of a war, the Chinese are landing airplanes on islands that they built and say belong to them in what are international waters and in some ways territorial waters, our economy is flat-lined, the stock market is falling apart, but boy are we getting a lot of coverage about a pair of boots. This is craziness. People, have they lost their minds?"
The upside, and that is if there's any glimmer of 'win' here, is that this video's vaguely reminiscent of Far Far Away Idol; and this is a great thing, because we're going to watch that now.
In reality though, Jeb Bush broke through the ceiling of weird with this campaign video that's actually more bizarre and a staggeringly less amount of awesome than Far Far Away Idol.
It looks like Ben & Jerry's is going to release another politically-themed ice cream. In the past they've rolled out flavors like 'PrObama' and 'Yes Pecan!'
Well, this go round they're aiming to release 'Bernie's Yearning,' which would feature a "big disk of chocolate on top, covering the entire top and below it is just plain mint ice cream. The disc of chocolate represents 90 percent of the wealth that's gone to the top 10 percent over the last 10 years."
Ben Cohen went on to suggest that "You take your spoon and you whack that big chocolate disc into little pieces and mix it around," meant to symbolize a more equally distributed U.S. economy, one where everyone gets their share.
The typical reaction to an extremist militant group regurgitating your words to attract potential recruits, would generally encompass flipping the fu*k out.
Trump can't be phased. The Republican primary candidate merely brushed off the use of his words against Muslims by an Al-Qaeda affiliate, known as Al-Shabaab, as casually as he would tend to that fluffy golden Photoshop-airbrushed, hair-cloud on a lazy Sunday.
He launched predictably fiery jab, by guessing that all 'extremists' are prone to employing the words of any Republican presidential front-runner.
Al-Shabbab, not ISIS, just made a video on me - they all will as front-runner & if I speak out against them, which I must. Hillary lied!
To wrap it all up, Trump addressed Hilary Clinton's recent unfounded allegation that an additional extremist group, the Islamic State, was using Trump as a pillar of its propaganda. He says the appearance of this Al-Shabaab video doesn't do way with the fact Clinton was wrong.
"It wasn't ISIS and it wasn't made at the time, and she lied," he said on Fox & Friends on Sunday.
Trump also dished out a little hurt on 'Slick Willy' afterwards.
Hillary Clinton lied last week when she said ISIS made a D.T. video. The video that ISIS made was about her husband being a degenerate.
It's a war of the words here folks, and we're not sure yet whether Donald Trump is the alien race hellbent on intergalactic domination; or if he's just Tom Cruise trying to conquer another impossible mission.
The latest installment in the 'Say What Now?! Trump' series that inevitably sets the media ablaze in fiery fits of outrage centers on a limited edition, entirely provocative, mindless tweet from Donald Trump.
Hillary Clinton has announced that she is letting her husband out to campaign but HE'S DEMONSTRATED A PENCHANT FOR SEXISM, so inappropriate!