Getting from point A to B is pretty damn important, but sometimes we wonder if leaving the house is even worth it. Public transit is so often a cruel joke instead of a convenient service. These tweets and memes really hit the nail on the head.
It can be hard to find a good therapist, so sometimes you just have to take what you can get. In New York City, look no farther than the subway.
Taking a page right out of Peanuts, this 11-year-old is offering emotional advice in a Brooklyn, NY subway station for $2 a pop. Ciro Ortiz, a 6th grader from Brooklyn, might not have the qualifications to offer therapy, but that hasn’t stopped him from stop him from laying out some hard truths, like telling this dude who’s bummed that his girlfriend is vegan to “deal with it.”
According to the New York Post, Ciro has brings in about $50 on a good day, and that’s with office hours between 12pm and 2pm. Imagine if he expanded. That’s not likely to happen, though. Ciro, who hates school, has plans to become a video-game developer.
Wise beyond his years, the Post got a little advice of their own from Ciro.
The most common problem he’s seen, Ciro said, is adults having trouble dealing with change.
“They feel a certain way in the past and when they look [back] in hindsight, they say things were so much better back then,” he said.
His advice? “We have to accept [change]. It’s going to happen — it’s always going to happen. Life is always changing.”
A guy walked into a Subway restaurant and saw a worker using a bug zapper over the food bins to kill some gnats, so he freaked out, took a video, and alerted the health department.
The 55-second video of the incident was made by Justin Clemons at the Subway restaurant, on the way back from golfing with his young son. Clemons is also advertising the licensing of the video on Facebook.
Subway responded after Clemons got over 14,000 views on his Facebook page, which he really enjoyed:
Subway corporate gave the news their official statement for the news too:
They threw out all the food in the store and admonished the clerk, who, as far as we know now, didn't lose his job from all the bug killing.
The jury is out on whether the food bins were closed when the zapping occurred, but the news says the gnats came from spoiled fruit or a drain in the floor, both of which seems kind of gross.
Utah, America's northern-most Florida, has done it again.
A Subway employee in Layton decided to punk a cop by putting a cocktail of marijuana, THC and methamphetamine in his drink, as the world's dumbest free-gift-with-purchase idea.
A video shows the clerk leaning over the Officer's drink a little too long, and the unnamed Sergeant had his colleagues test his drink after he tried to drive back to the station and started to feel all wonky.
The Subway presumptive-former-employee is busy thinking about what he did in a jail cell right now.
New York has a pretty bad reputation for having rats in the subway without having one crawl up on a guy's shoulder and try to get cozy with him. New York city cops have recently stressed that "Subways are not for sleeping". They claim it's to reduce the chance of theft but it looks like there's another safety issue that passengers should be aware of.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
An Oregon man found an whole rodent just chillin' inside his Subway sandwich. And if you think this is faked, like so many of these stories before, think again!
The state health department has confirmed that this actually took place.
Just look at that little guy—all comfy under a warm bed of spinach.
Matt Jones witnessed the mouse go into his friend's sandwich.
"It's the funniest thing I've ever seen, but it's also the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," Jones told KWG8. "I laughed because I was like, there is no way this just happened."
The only ray of hope is that the rodent probably didn't come from inside the Subway, but from the spinach company.
On second thought, that's actually not better at all.
If you thought former Subway spokesperson and admitted child predator Jared Fogle couldn't get any more punchable, you'd be very wrong.
Fogle, who pled guilty to child pornography charges and crossing states lines to have sex with minors, can be seen in this unearthed video making fun of other alleged predators on To Catch a Predator.
The clips comes from a VH1 series, I Love The New Millennium, where actors and comedians comment on pop culture. Fogle can be seen at around 1:50 mocking would-be child predators.
"These guys continue to fall for it every single time. There must be, like, a hundred million episodes of this show, and these guys still come out," he says.
OK, Jared. (rage throws keyboard across room)
Jared Fogle's admission of deviant charges makes everyone feel as gross as if they'd actually eaten a Subway sandwich.
Just leave it to the New York Post to make a joke that your uncle would say at Thanksgiving dinner about the whole nasty business.
It does what comes the most natural to us denizens of the Internet — joking away the discomfort.
Joking on this monster of a person has resulted in everything from witty nostalgia:
Or if you just want some good, old-fashioned schadenfreude, here are some of the earliest commercials involving the disgusting creep in question.
It's been a tough time for Subway.
First their long-time spokesman Jared Fogle's house was searched by the FBI in connection with child pornography and then details emerged from a subpoena detailing his Craiglist relationship with a minor.
Subway responded on their Facebook page Aug. 1, but fans only wanted to discuss their favorite sub shop.
If you live in New York and ride the subway, you probably have no hair because you've been pulling it out since you first boarded at Times Square.
For those who don't live in New York, the subway is the worst place on earth. It is infested with rude, loud, smelly "human beings" who are seemingly unaware that a world of other people exists around them outside of their "Candy Crush Saga" bubble.
Johnny T, the puppet who taught tourists how to act like decent human beings, has a new video, and this time it's all about the necessary evil called the MTA.
Watch Out Nate Silver. Bing Accurately Predicted 95% of the Mid-Term Elections [Bing]
Reddit Was on TV Sunday Night, But Not in a Good Way [WaPo]
Nude Subway Rider Proves New York is Becoming More and More Like Jerry Seinfeld's New York [New York Post]
Matt Groening's Worlds Continue to Collide with "Simpsons"/"Futurama" Crossover Episode [EW]
Anyone who rides the subway in New York will appreciate this video.
Orange is the New Black star Lea DeLaria was not in the mood to hear about religion from a loud man on her commute Tuesday morning.
Wearing a "Bad Jew" t-shirt, the actress who plays "Big Boo" on the show stood up and got into a shouting match with the preacher about Jesus.
In part 2 of the video (embedded below), he also starts yelling about Sodom and Gomorrah, which DeLaria, who is openly gay, does not find very amusing.
Someone give this woman a medal.