christmas

austrian krampus festival celebrates goat demon with 100 krampus costumes
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It’s the most wonderful time of the year, when company Christmas parties begin springing up across the world. Who will have too much to drink and end up with a lampshade on their head? Probably you.

via Reddit

But that’s not really a huge problem in Austria because everyone’s afraid to leave their house? Why? What’s to be afraid of on Christmas? How about Krampus, the Austro-Bavaria Apliine folk-beast? Krampus is half goat, half demon, half party animal, and all evil.

Who would want to celebrate this kind of thing? Duh doi. The Austrians, who paraded Krampus costumes in the streets on Saturday for their annual Krampusnacht festival. Watch in horror as these anthropomorphic goat demons stalk the streets, threatening to beat bad children who will be praying for coal after a visit from this horned monster.

According to The Telegraph, “Thousands of people gather in Hollabrunn Market Square, Austria, to watch more than 120 Krampus impersonators take to the streets.”

Check out some terrifying footage of the festival. These costumes are amazing: 

via Telegraph

Whatever. This thing still isn’t scarier than Elf on a Shelf. Get outta here with that thing.

via Uproxx

new santa cam replaces elf on a shelf this christmas
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Move over, Elf on a Shelf, because Santa Claus is coming to town.

You'll be seeing some new, futuristic modes of surveillance this Christmas, as two new Santa Cameras hit the shelves. Meant to scare children into behaving, these new Claus-monitoring systems aim to replace the Elf on the Shelf as the premiere Santa surveillance hardware.

Created by Emmiroo’s Photography & Gifts, the Santa Camera looks like a security camera you'd see in a store, however, this supposedly has a direct line to the big man himself, who presumably sits in a room surrounded by television screens as a opposed to doing his job. This leads to an important question: Is Santa Claus' magic bound to the technology available at the time, or has he always had these security cams and chose not to use them.

Santa is bringing some next level fear and intimidation this holiday season. The Cam even comes with a cryptic note written by Kris Kringle, indicating that he’s got “keep a very close eye on you all.” We don't know what Santa thinks we did, but whatever it is, we're sorry.

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In addition to the physical camera, Santa Cam ornaments are also set to appear on Christmas trees this holiday season.

 

via @8infinitedesign

It’s only a matter of time before a whistleblower leaks the wide range of intel Santa’s collecting in the North Pole, Snowden style.

Check out The Huffington Post for more on the terrifying future we now live in.

via GIPHY

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While not the holiday tradition in America, in England, the British department store John Lewis crushes it with the Christmas commercials. You’re probably thinking, is this better than the Hess Truck commercials? Yes. Or maybe you’re thinking, what’s a Hess truck commercial, because that might be a regional reference. Anyway, this is a Hess truck.

That’s not how this was supposed to go. John Lewis, right.

This year’s John Lewis ad continues the store’s legacy for delivering holiday cheer at discount prices. The price today? Free. For no money at all, you can watch this commercial that features a bunch of really cute animals bouncing on a trampoline.

In these despondent times of confusion and uncertainty, isn’t that we’re all looking for, a couple of computer-generated animals bouncing on a trampoline? There's a really cute boxer pup named Buster. Buster.

trending news video 2017 teddy ruxpin 80s toy fail
Via CNN
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Remember Teddy Ruxpin, the animated talking teddy bear from the 80's? Well, he's back, and even more creepy, with fully animated digital eyes, hitting store shelves in 2017.



Though currently a prototype, they seem keen to keep the creepy eyes an integral part of the bear in the future, as they brought one out for the public at a trade show recently:




I feel like we've seen how this ends already...







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Pornhub's Christmas Stats are a Fascinating Look Into Festive Faps

Pornhub released their traffic and search data for last week's ho-ho holiday, and it reveals some interesting stats about how the good people of the world stuff their own stockings and jingle their bells.

christmas porn pornhub NSFW - 706565
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little boy receives block of wood instead of ps4
Via UPI
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Nine-year-old Scott Lundy was so excited to receive a PS4 this christmas until he opened the box and found a wooden replica of the system placed there by thieves. To add insult to injury, they included a "crude drawing of male genitals" (missed opportunity for a dickbutt) on the wood and a message that said "from cock and balls with love."



Scott's parents were able to return the console to Target and get a replacement, but Scott's faith in Santa Claus is shaken. I guess Call of Duty: Black Ops III and The Uncharted Collection will be there to carry him through this difficult time.

Via ABC News
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It's as if this story walked right off the set of a heartwarming Hallmark Holiday movie; this will bring on all the warm and fuzzy feels.

David Marks told ABC News,

I couldn't believe it. It was an absolute surprise, and the perfect Christmas gift.

For the last six years spent away from his home, Willie was provided for by a family out of Eureka, Nevada, almost 300 miles from his home in Las Vegas. With Willie back at home, the Marks tell the press that it feels like everything's right again. Isn't that a happy ending to a long and bumpy tale?

swedish-man-fire-giant-straw-goat-christmas-tradition
Via Mashable
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The Swedes are nuts man. In honor of upholding a Christmas tradition, a 25-year-old Swede set ablaze an enormous decorative goat made of straw.

The authorities are waiting to question the emboldened madman, likely hopped up on all manners of vodka, till he sobers up. Apparently the goat preceded Santa as the bringer of Christmas gifts in old Swedish tradition.

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Tune in for a knockout performance from Kevin Kline's Calvin Fischoeder. Real talk though: how about those ice skating moves from his brother Felix, who looks graceful as a freaking swan.

Anyone else in the mood for a glass of something strong and distilled now? Take life on the rocks with bourbon, bourbon, oh bourbon, bourbon.

funny-vladimir-putin-calendar-christmas
Via Uproxx
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It's the day after Christmas and you're in bed mentally backpedaling through the various hoops and turns, and vocal explosions of yesterday's wine-soaked conversation. The food coma was unparalleled. Then someone committed the emboldened atrocity that is name-dropping Donald Trump in a perfectly sane and reasonably mannered conversation.

Like, excuse me?. To put it lightly you got pissed. It's alright. Trump happens. Make amends with an annual Vladimir Putin calendar. You could say he's showing us his soft side.

The calendar features various shots of Putin; from topless fishing, to the man caught amidst sweaty bouts of exercise; everyone's in for a wide-eyed smile with this one.

Do you even lift bro?

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This amazing feat of creativity and patience is made entirely out of gingerbread, icing, fondant, candy, and Rice Krispie Treats.

Eudicotyledon says that this year's holiday tradition took them two weeks to make. After keeping it out on display for a few months, it'll start to fall apart, and then they time to have fun destroying it together.

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You better watch out,

You better not cry,

You better not shout in fear,

Boston Dynamics is showing you why,

Robot Reindeer are here!



Boston Dynamics, the makers of some of the most advanced robots on Earth, uploaded this seemingly-innocent Holiday video. Astute Futurama viewers are aware that we are now one-step closer to the evil that is Robot Santa.



Have fun staying inside and hiding from Robot Santa this Christmas Eve (just in case)!

merry christmas vs happy holidays by region
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The War on Christmas is real, y'all. (Just kidding, it's still not a real thing.)

If you hail from the Midwest, you're most likely to feel the burning, hateful stare of a little old lady furious that you've wished her a holiday greeting other than "Merry Christmas." The Southern United States on the other hand, prefers "Happy Holidays." According to FiveThirtyEight, 20% of the South's respondents are African American, who show a strong preference for the secular greeting. 

Religion and politics also come into play in this national data, with "republicans opposing “happy holidays” at the strongest rates and most consistently across the nation. Republican responses probably reflect opposition to political correctness as much as (and perhaps more so than) spiritual sympathies. Republicans as a whole (30 percent) outpace even evangelical Republicans (38 percent) in their anemic support for saying “happy holidays.” In other words, republicans have no chill.

blingee christmas


Interestingly, areas known for being particularly non-religious, like Oregon, tend to prefer "Merry Christmas" because it's just not a big deal: "the social stakes are low — Christmas is not an entre to conversations about what church you attend, but more about presents, ugly sweaters and Santa." If you're strolling through Portland, you're less likely to start a battle in the War on Christmas with any kind of festive greeting than you are in a state with a large Christian population that's looking to defend their holy holiday.

christmas news little girl touches elf on a shelf and fears she ruined christmas so she calls 911
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When Isabelle LaPeruta, a 7-year-old New Jersey girl, accidentally touched her Elf on the Shelf she thought she did something that would get her in trouble with Santa. According to the popular children's book, touching the Elf on a Shelf is a big time no-no and doing so means the Christmas magic goes away from your home.

Panicked that she just ruined Christmas, Isabelle did what she was told to do in an emergency, call 911.



"To her, it was an emergency when she touched the elf, and she's going to ruin Christmas, so that was her emergency. In her mind, she did right, and it was fine with us." said Old Bridge Police Lt. Joseph Mandola. Looks like the Christmas magic is back for one 7-year-old little girl.



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The Running Christmas Tree is the latest revolutionary wearable device to have been developed by Tokyo-based inventor Joseph Tame.

This mobile seasonal illumination device has been designed to disrupt the illumination industry by allowing for on-demand illumination - simply pull out your phone and summon the Christmas tree anytime, anywhere, and Joseph will head in your direction to bring some light into your life.

Featuring over 1500 LEDs, 9 mico-controlers and 100 batteries, this 25kg / 2.5metre tree is unlike anything seen before, and has been a huge hit on the streets of Tokyo where the service was first rolled out.

Full information on the tree and links to book it for yourself can be found a: http://tokyoxmas.org



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Yorkdale's Fashion Santa is Killing It This Season

A merry mix between Zoolander and Santa, Yorkdale Shopping Center in Toronto, Ontario has employed the most fashion-foward Santa any mall Santa could hope to be. See how this new Saint Nick is nailing Holiday cheer, with merry modeling poses, hot holiday fashion tips, and festive selfies with everyone (including Justin Bieber).

fashion christmas list justin bieber social media santa mall santa - 704261
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