lol

Fancy some eggs, or wanna slay like Bey for a tenner? Then check out Facebook's new Marketplace, which quickly went from innocently selling baby photoshoots, to a used car (with no brakes), to selling drugs to your Mom.





A quick look locally and we found a real gem:





Other people have found live hedgehogs and snakes...

Glad FB Marketplace is taking up prime real estate in the app with deals like this!!! pic.twitter.com/a8ugvXJHuU

— Jillian D'Onfro (@jillianiles) October 3, 2016

There's also a snowsuit for your baby, I mean cat, no, I mean baby cat:



...or a passage through time:



Or some lamb:



A yurt for your bird...



...and a creepy AF clown toy:



This is already my favorite place to shop and it's only been open two days.

American Girls. Those super-expensive dolls you could buy to look creepily exactly like you, look nothing like you, or to just be cute:


She's definitely cute


We can agree--whether with our parents over how much they cost, or at our friends for not letting us rip off their heads or cut off their hair--we have all had anger toward them at some point in our lives.

Enter Betches and their definitive ranking of the American Girls by Betchiness.

We get the glory of seeing that entitled historical b*tch Samantha, finally getting put in her place.

...and seeing Josefina Montoya--pronounced "HO-SEF-INA" (I know, because I used to work there and was REQUIRED to correct people who called in to order one, fun times)--put in her damn place brings me NO END of pleasure:




Plus with randos like Caroline Abbott...


...you will feel the satisfying burn of familiar hatred sparked within the childlike center of your soul.


Don't you just hate our faces?!


Check out more of the awesomeness and pick your favorite betch here.

Oh Internet, how we loathe you sometimes.

Millions were disappointed after gullibly falling for an fake story indicating that "Harambe McHarambeface" won the naming contest for a baby gorilla at a Chinese zoo.

It all started when the crap-tacular Daily Mirror--who never checks the legitimacy of their sources--decided to pick up the story. The "source" was the fictitional "Boston Leader" news website, and the internet ran with it from there:






The truth quickly came out and hearts were broken everywhere...





...and though we might not have a Harambe McHarambeface YET, you can still show your support and buy your "McHarambeface" t-shirt here:

Be among the first to get their #McHarambeFace shirts https://t.co/tugrmjXbQc

— Pro Trader EDGE (@THEMarket_EDGE) September 14, 2016

The good folks over at Estately Blog have an excellent sense of humor.

They "placed our minds in the gutter and spent days looking over detailed maps and scrutinizing the names of all cities, towns, and unincorporated communities for anything that sounded even remotely sexual or perverse."



Have a laugh and enjoy their intended "The Master List of the Most Obscene Town Names in America," as you make your next vacation plans.



Also check out their list of Oddest Town Names in each State as you ponder over the sexual issues of the people of Tennessee...

So HiddleSwift is over...

Wow #HiddleswiftIsOver ?! What a surprise....☕️🐸 pic.twitter.com/XCzfE0p2AF

— Hope (@itsmehope13) September 7, 2016

...and the internet is all over it:

Going to work today like... #HiddleswiftIsOver pic.twitter.com/5kBo5qkgqE

— Angela (@Anzjulaa) September 7, 2016

Oh Amy, how we love you so. Check out 4:15 in the video, where Amy Schumer reveals her sexual history with Patrick Stewart, as she accepted her Man of the Year Award for Best Woman at the British GQ awards ceremony.


You'll always be my Man of the Year, Amy.

New Tinder strategy: just act like you're an inanimate object.

It seems to be working pretty well for this guy.

Sean Fahmy over at Food Beast decided to sign up for Tinder posing as a glass of red wine. As everyone knows, chicks "OMGLOVELOVE" red wine.

The results were pretty hilarious...

We tip our glass to you, sir.

Baseball player Bryce Harper was just named National League MVP last week. He also let the entire world know he doesn't want to be a meme.

The trouble with that is he pronounced meme like "meh-may" and thus was turned into a meme.

An interview with Scott Van Pelt on SportsCenter is where the MVP was where the gaf happened.

And a new meh-may was born...

Welcome to the Internet, Bryce.

We are a cruel people.

Phuc Dat is having one Bich of a day.

A Facebook post by a man named Phuc Dat Bich (pronounced "Phoo Da Bic") is picking up steam. He says his Facebook page has been shut down several times by Facebook because the social media site thinks he has a fake name.

And because it sounds like, well, you know—some curse words.

The post was created back in January, but it's getting more recent attention since an Australian newspaper got wind of it.

Long story short, his name is Phuc Dat Bich.

Bich.

Kerry Quinn from Thrillist has finally answered the question that everyone wants to know.

Dudes send unsolicited peen pics all the time through dating apps and text messages. So, how would they react if a random v-pic popped up on their screen?

They pretty much love it.

Quinn messaged 40 guys and 37 of them said they wanted to meet after receiving the random vag pic Quinn found on the Internet.

Most were very excited.

And, one guy just sent a pic of his dog.

We live in an exciting world.

Science is proving what we all expected from the very start.

Obnoxious men who catcall are most likely compensating for something else.

A study published Wednesday finds that monkeys with louder calls used to attract females also tend to have smaller testicles.

The research studied Howler monkeys, the loudest species on the planet with a roar that can be heard three miles away.

"In evolutionary terms, all males strive to have as many offspring as they can, but when it comes to reproduction you can't have everything," lead researcher Jacob Dunn of the University of Cambridge's Division of Biological Anthropology told U.S. News & World Report.

Basically—The louder the howl to attract females, the smaller the balls and less sperm said balls produce.

Science is fun.

George Takei really sucks—and he's proud of it!

The Star Trek legend and Internet darling had the prefect response this week for a Facebook troll trying to bring him down.

He shared a screenshot of the exchange with the caption: "Sorry, couldn't help myself.‪ #‎Trollololollol‬"

BOOM!

Takei is known for his epic Internet takedowns, so mark this one down as another win for Sulu.

Make sure you keep your gun oiled—if you know what we mean.

A video posted on Facebook last month is making the rounds, and it will have you on the floor laughing.

Jamie Lee Bracey came across a bottle of 'Gun Oil' lube at a Walmart in Alabama. The bottle was stocked in the firearms section and it caught his eye.

"Apply desired amount to genital areas," he read. "BOOM...they don't event know what they're selling. It's crazy."

That's right. Gun Oil is a personal lubricant popular with gay men. And some poor Walmart employee had no idea what they were doing.

Thank you, Alabama. The jokes just write themselves.

Charlotte is laughing at you.

It's been a weird couple weeks in spider world. It seems like their intelligence has grown at an exponential rate and no one knows where it will end.

Let's recap.

Scientists have discovered spiders that know how to parachute effectively and how to tie up stone in their webs, probably to drop on unsuspecting passerbys.

They've even started joining up by the hundreds of thousands to create masses mega-webs.

And now this.

Spiders have learned to read, then learned to write with their webs, then learned enough to understand the subtlety of Internet slang to throw shade at the world.

Our one savior is the cutest spider ever who we want to have as our Ninja Turtle friend.

Remember him?

At least we are still ahead of them. Facebook said that people aren't really using 'LOL' anymore, instead relying on more nuanced phrases like 'haha' and emojis.

Get with the times, spiders. You haven't caught up to us quite yet.

Inspired by an New Yorker article on expressing laughter, Facebook decided to see how it's billions of users choose to show their laughter.

While you would expect that 'lol' would take the cackling cake, because it was burned into our collective brains through insipid over-use during Internet's 2.0 days, it turns out those three terrible letters are on the decline. Facebook ran their analytic numbers and gave us several graphs to plot out how America chuckles online.

[W]hy rely on anecdotes when you have data? We analyzed de-identified posts and comments posted on Facebook in the last week of May with at least one string of characters matching laughter1. We did the matching with regular expressions which automatically identified laughter in the text, including variants of haha, hehe, emoji, and lol2.

As denizens of the Internet will know, laughter is quite common: 15% of people included laughter in a post or comment that week. The most common laugh is haha, followed by various emoji and hehe. Age, gender and geographic location play a role in laughter type and length: young people and women prefer emoji, whereas men prefer longer hehes. People in Chicago and New York prefer emoji, while Seattle and San Francisco prefer hahas.

Here's an overall usage of the four most common types of e-laughs:



Here's a gender analysis:



Here's a city evaluation:

Here's an age plotting:

If you're a maps person, here's a state by state break down:



Of course, the data is pretty compacted. There's no mention of 'lolz', 'lawlz' or even 'lololololololol'. Not to mention 'huehuehue'.



And where's this?



How do you laugh online as a digital expression with no inherent humanity?