oh god why

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Just because someone calls it a “challenge” doesn’t mean you have to actually do it.

A boy recently demonstrated his manhood, i.e., stupidity, by popping one of the hottest peppers in the world in his mouth and swallowing it whole.

It’s called a ghost pepper (aka Bhut jolokia) and according to the Scoville Scale which compares various peppers and hot sauces, it’s 208.29 times hotter than a jalapeño.

Pepper expert Scott Roberts told the NY Post that it feels “like the end of the world.”

So this boy’s reaction comes as no big surprise..

He starts crying, screaming like his insides are on fire, spitting into the trash and saying that he is going to die.

Let’s all just decide right now not turn this into any more of a “thing” than it already is.

People have been filming themselves eating these for years and it never turns out well for them.

Here are a few, take this as a warning.









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Spiders have already infiltrated our bananas, and now they’re souring another of our favorite fruits.

A 21-year-old woman in Vermont was recently bitten by a black widow spider after reaching into a bag of grapes she purchased at the local Shaw’s supermarket.

That’s a whole bunch of “nope” right there.

She and her mother captured the little culprit that had crawled up her arm and brought it with them to the hospital where the woman was treated and eventually released.

The creature is identifiable by a red hourglass-shape on its belly, so if you see the mark, stay away.

Here’s the supermarket’s statement about the incident, via WPTZ:

The health and safety of products we sell, and our customers, is our first concern. We have been closely monitoring the situation and been in contact with the family. We replaced product in the customer’s refrigerator as a precaution and took immediate action to inspect the product at the customer’s store. We also are inspecting the product in all of our stores and have been in touch with the supplier, which has an extensive food safety management system in place.

While their venom is poisonous, most people just experience a pin prick followed by dull muscle pain along with other possible symptoms.

According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine:

Severe symptoms usually start to improve within 2 to 3 days, but milder symptoms may persist for several weeks. Death in a normally healthy individual is very rare. Young children, the extremely ill, and the elderly may not survive a bite.

Black widows were also found in bags of grapes in stores across several different states back in 2013.

This mast March a woman in Wales found a Brazilian Wandering Spider in her bag of bananas, which is considered the “world’s most venomous spider” by the Guinness World Records.

Other spiders have also been in the news a lot lately, particularly in Australia, where they are literally raining down from the sky as part of a phenomenon called “mass ballooning.”

Just don’t try to kill any of them, or you might end up with hundreds of even smaller spiders on your hands like this guy did.

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Matt Stonie doesn’t savor his food, he demolishes it.

Five years ago, the competitive eater challenged himself to eat a massive burrito as quickly as possible, and he managed to do it in about 15 minutes, according to The Mirror.

To celebrate having 500k followers on YouTube, he recently tried it again and completely crushed his previous record.

“Burritozilla,” as it is called, weighs 5 pounds and is 18-inches long.

Watch him scarf it down in about 1 minutes and 50 seconds.

Stonie has participated in plenty of other food challenges in the past, which you an check out on his YouTube channel, involving pretty much anything you can imagine, including bacon, poutine, egge nog, Twinkies and marshmallow Peeps.

funny-news-fail-wtf-school-lunch-meat
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High school students in Hawkins County, Tennessee were served up some 6-year old pork last week for lunch, and while no one has gotten sick yet, the news is not sitting well with anyone.

A cook at a local primary school (who didn’t serve the meat) sent a photo of the pork to a city commissioner named Michael Herrell, who discovered that it had also been distributed to several other schools in the area.

Cafeteria workers at Cherokee High School said “that it smelled so bad they made gravy to put over the meat,” according to News Channel 11.

And at another high school the smell was apparently so bad that it reportedly stunk up the halls.

Despite the putrid meat being so old and smelly, some students “even came back for seconds,” according to WISH TV.

Which is mildly disturbing.

A rep from the USDA told Yahoo that there probably wasn’t any danger in eating it, but it “should be consumed within four to 12 months of freezing.”

The director of schools, Steve Starnes, has since ordered that an inventory be taken of all the food in the freezers, although you think that sort of thing would have already been in place.

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Calgary couple Mark and Star King recently left their home in the hands of four adults on AirBnB, who ended up tearing it apart in what police describe as a “drug-induced orgy.”

More like Nightmare BnB.

Soon after the Kings left last Saturday, a luxury party bus showed up in their driveway with 100 strangers pouring into their home.

And then all hell broke loose.

“Our hardwood floors are all popping because there are pools of liquor. There’s glass shards, there’s dent in our walls, toilets flooded and plugged with condoms,” Star told CBC News.

There was also mayonnaise on their furniture and chicken drum sticks in their shoes.

Their neighbors texted the couple to alert them to the craziness that was going down in their house, and the cops eventually arrived to put a stop to it.

The above video shows the damages that resulted from the AirBnB nightmare which are estimated at about $50,000.

Star said she would have felt better if the house had just been burned down to the ground.

Last year, a man in New York rented out his apartment to someone who turned it into a massive sex party.

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Mmmm… 'Murica!

Competitive eater Molly Schuyler broke a new record this weekend, eating 3 72-oz steaks in less than 20 minutes.

At this year's 72oz Showdown at the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo, Texas, Schuyler was matched up against four teams of two, and she singlehandedly destroyed her competition while besting herself in the process.

The other teams included professional wrestlers and football players and they each had one hour to throw down as much as they could.

In total, Schuyler, who weighs just 124 pounds, ate 3 steaks, 3 backed potatoes, 3 shrimp cocktails, 3 side salads and 3 rolls.

Basically, as The Big Texan describes it, she consumed more than 13.5 pounds of food which is "the equivalent of a bowling ball or averaged sized three-month-old baby."



Anyone who stops by The Big Texan can take the challenge, but if they don't finish their meal in an hour they have to pay $72.

Schuyler not only got the 3 free meals, but also a $5,000 prize… and apparently an extended trip to the bathroom.

epic-win-news-japan-kit-kat-sandwich
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While you’re waiting for your Burger King Whopper cologne to go on sale, why not snack on a tasty KitKat sandwich?

Japan is at it again, with fast food chain First Kitchen offering the sugary treat for a limited time.

And it only costs 220 yen ($1.80)! Which is a steal really, compared to the cost of your future medical and dental bills after gorging yourself on bacon-wrapped pizzas and jelly donut hot dogs.

The sandwich consists of a “KitKat for Cafe” candy bar placed in between two pieces of fluffy bread smothered in whip cream and sprinkled with orange peels for some extra kick.

You can check out some more detailed images of the latest food pr0n here.

funny-news-fail-spider-banana
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Warning: This story might ruin your breakfast… forever.

A man in Wales recently picked up some bananas at a Tesco supermarket which turned out to be infested with spiders that can both kill you and give you a massive erection.

His wife opened the bag to find a cocoon of Brazilian Wandering Spiders (aka banana spiders) which are known to scurry around on the ground at night and hide in banana plants during the day.

They are considered the “world’s most venomous spider” by Guinness World Records, although there is an anti-venom available so not as many people die from their bites. Their bites have also been known to cause painful erections lasting several hours, and they are being studied as a potential Viagra alternative.

The cocoon started to hatch soon after she made the horrifying discovery.

“The spider cocoon started to unfurl so I put it in a sealed box and put it in the freezer as I read that that is supposed to kill them,” she said.

She then posted the photos to Tesco’s Facebook page for answers. The company told her to just mail in the wrapper so she could get a refund, but she was more concerned with not being attacked by the 8-legged killers than getting a few bucks back.

Tesco eventually asked her to bring the fruit back to the store so they could be investigated.

“We’ve apologized to Mrs. Layton and offered a gesture of goodwill,” a spokesperson said according to Yahoo.

A woman in England recently found a strange stowaway in her can of tuna fish, which turned out to be a tiny crab.

So now you can add bananas and tuna to the list of foods you are too terrified to ever eat again

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Christopher Jones was skydiving last November in Australia when he had a seizure in mid-air rendering him unconscious and unable to open his parachute.

Fortunately WA Skydiving Academy instructor Sheldon McFarlane was able make his way over to the man and pull the cord for him. There were also a few automated backups installed which would have triggered eventually, but McFarlane didn’t want to risk it.

The terrifying moment was all captured on video with the instructor’s helmet cam and already has over 4 million views since it was posted to YouTube over the weekend.

Jones always wanted to be a pilot, but this was not possible because of his epilepsy. He had been seizure-free for a number of years, he decided to try skydiving instead.

“I’ve always wanted to have the feeling of flight, so I just thought, considering I can’t fly a plane due to my condition, I thought I’d give it a go,” he said.

funny-fail-news-pizza-bacon-little-caesars
Via USA Today
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From USA Today:

Today, the innovative budget pizza chain will unveil plans to nationally roll out on Feb. 23 the Bacon Wrapped Crust Deep! Deep! Dish Pizza. At $12, the limited-time offer will be one of Little Caesars' priciest pizzas.

"Every time you take a bite out of the crust, you'll get bacon," says David Scrivano, CEO at Little Caesars. The pizza also comes with pepperoni and has bacon sprinkled on top. The promotion replaces the chain's Soft Pretzel Crust Pizza.

funny-fail-photo-body-mod-red-skull
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From the Daily Mail:

After meeting up with med-school dropout Emilio Gonzalez, who specialises in tattooing and extreme body surgery, Mr Damon 'knew that this was his opportunity,' a friend said.

'He has loved comic books since he was a kid and always dreamed of being Red Skull, but never got round to doing it,' friend Pablo Hernandez said.

Before the surgery, Mr Damon underwent several physical and psychological tests, according to his 'surgeon' Mr Gonzalez. 

cow Probably bad News news oh god why - 8421309440
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Once a Nazi cow, always a Nazi cow.

A british farmer named Derek Gow (not a Nazi) recently killed and ate some of his Nazi-bred cattle after discovering they were too violent towards him and his staff to keep around the farm.

He originally imported 13 of the rare "Heck" cattle, which were genetically modified beasts created for the Nazi regime by German zoologists Heinz and Lutz Heck back in the 1930s.

Adolf Hitler wanted to bring the legendary Auroch back to life, an aggressive beast with large horns that went extinct back in the 1600s.

The Nazi scientists combined Spanish fighting bulls with Highland cattle and several other breeds to produce the monsters, which were then used as propaganda.

Most of them were destroyed after the war, but some survived. Gow received his herd from Belgium in 2009, marking the first time the creatures have appeared in England in 4000 years.

The meat from the Nazi cows that were slaughtered will be sold to stores in Europe, says Gow. He tried sausages made from the animals and described it as "very tasty."

Via Fox 11
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If you live in Allouez, Wisconsin, you may have recently noticed a giant snow monster roaming the city streets with a poodle.

No, no one spiked your eggnog. This is all too real.

A woman calling herself "Bumble" has been spotted walking around the neighborhood dressed as the Abominable Snow Monster of the North from "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" with her dog named Blizzard.

After images of the duo spread online, residents were all like WTF?

According to Fox 11:

When asked what she was doing walking the streets of Allouez, Bumble said she was visiting from Misfit Island.

She also said she is simply there to "bring joy, happiness."

But she forgot to mention "terror," and "confusion."

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If you're looking for a cute, cuddly (posessed) stuffed animal to go with that "Evil Stick" you bought for your kids - you're in luck.

Just in time for Christmas, Satan has unleashed his latest minion disguised as a tiny giraffe.

Watch it walk across a table emitting a high-pitched scream to conjure all the demons from hell to your house for the holidays.

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Come for the mozzarella sticks, go home with a bloody nose.

TGI Friday's "Mobile Misteltoe" has had its first casualty, crashing into a woman's face a chipping off a piece of her nose, according to Brooklyn Daily.

The two remote-controlled helicopters dangling sprigs of mistletoe were intended to spread holiday romance, but one of them flew out of control and clipped Courier photographer Georgine Benvenuto in the nose with one of its spinning, uncovered blades.

The drone operator was attempting to land the device on the reporter's hand, when it veered off and hit Benvenuto.


TGI Friday's says it hasn't had any other accidents in its test flights, and that it's safe because ""we do not let consumers touch it."

The drones are part of a marketing campaign by the restaurant chain in which the devices fly above customers heads while they eat, forcing them to kiss.

The bloodshed is just an added bonus… because drones will be drones!

shut up and take my money kfc oh god why food g rated win - 8357398528
Via Sploid
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Yes, that is a Double Down (you know, the sandwich with chicken instead of bread) with a beef patty and bacon in the middle. Your heart valves just closed reading that sentence.