Note to self: This will not get you more frequent flier miles.
According to NBC, a baggage handler accidentally got locked inside the cargo hold of a plane and was flown from Charlotte, NC to Washington, DC on Sunday. Hey, it beats coach! Airline food is bad! Ugh, security, can’t I keep my belt on? Ok. Got all the flying jokes out.
NBC reports that it’s still unknown as to how he got in there or how anyone found out about him, but it’s still be treating like a security issue.
And what about this? Who wouldn’t rather take the cargo hold than have an Angelica Pickles behind you?
The handler, luckily, was ok. The cabin was pressurized, and he refused medical attention upon landing. But that’s more than I can say for that antique vase that I was forced to check! Air travel is the worst! Coach! Ok. No more of airline material.
When you go to an amusement part, and you’re surrounded by thousands of sweaty strangers, what do you want? Turkey leg? Dippin’ dots? The opportunity to see those sweaty strangers half-naked and wrapped in towel.
If you answered number three. congratulations, you’ve won the opportunity to buy a ticket to Beppu City’s “Spamusement Park.”
Beppu City, Japan is home to numerous hot springs, gushing out over 130,000 tons from the ground a year. “It’s the second largest amount of water discharge in the world, and the largest in Japan,” according to Wikipedia. And now they’re looking to one up themselves.
No, not a spa for dogs, unfortunately. According to this video, Beppu City will construct an amusement park in the city, which combines the sweaty mess of the spa with the sweaty mess of the amusement park. As Beppu City Mayor Yasuhiro Nagano, if this video reaches 1 million views, they will begin the spamusment park initiative. The video now has over 2 million.
Imagine it: A roller coaster where you sit in a hot tub of water; a tea cups ride where you actually sit in a hot cup of water; a ferris wheel where you sit in a hot tub of water. Your steam dreams are about to come true.
Believing that everyone wants to enjoy a salty kiss, the manufacturer Accoutrements introduces Bacon Lip Balm, the only lip balm that lets your friends know that you need help.
Yes, we’ve seen bacon take the country by storm over the last few years, leading to bacon floss and air freshener. Though, few things should let your loved one know that you have a problem quite like this bacon flavored lip balm. In fact, upon kissing you, they’ll probably back up complaining that their lips burn, like you eat Tostitos without any salsa.
In a desperate attempt to somehow get even more Star Wars into the world, people are digging up some real strange versions of the George Lucas classic. Chief among them is the 1982 Turkish pseudo-remake, Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam, or The Man Who Saves the World. Now that’s a title.
Great Big Story talked to film historian Ed Glaser, who spends a lot of his time hunting down bizarre, cheap-o remakes of some of Hollywood’s biggest hits. Glaser has seen, restored, and/or attempted to re-release weird foreign rip-offs and remakes, including Nigerian Titanic, Turkish Rambo, and Egyptian Rocky Horror Picture Show.
“The holy grail of these kinds of films is Çetin İnanç's The Man Who Saves the World, better known as The Turkish Star Wars,” he says. “I’ve never really seen anything like it. It’s a little bit like a fever dream.”
Now don’t get your hopes about this one. It’s not exactly the story of Star Wars. It just cuts some of Lucas’ footage into another weird movie about a half naked man and his sword. According to The Verge, “It, ahem, borrows footage from other sci-fi flicks, as well as music scores from movies like Raiders of the Lost Ark. More importantly, however, is its inclusion on Wikipedia’s list of the worst films ever made. That’s an honor that makes us dying to get ahold of it.”
Check out the video and marvel at some of the footage. Now if only they could cut some of this footage into Episode VIII.
In a press release, Tinder announced their excitement for making Tinder a part of family bonding time. For some reason Tinder is really invested in the idea of the family gathering around the TV and deciding who you hook up with next. In a press release, they pitch a scenario:
“No phones at the dinner table? No problem. Now you can spot Swipe Right potential from across the room. Need a second opinion before you Super Like? Good news: the cousins from Omaha just rolled in. Plus, why swipe alone when you can let Aunt Donna have a say? She’s known you since you were two; she’s watched you grow. If she says you should Swipe Right on that nice girl in the penguin costume, you Swipe Right on that nice girl in the penguin costume. Seriously man, show Aunt Donna some respect.”
They are really concerned with Aunt Donna, considering “she’s known you since you were two; she’s watched you grow.” This is very gross.
The instructions stay on brand:
Go to the App Store on your Apple TV and download Tinder.
Follow the instructions on screen to log in.
Start swiping! With Tinder on Apple TV, you can: Click the trackpad to view more details about a profile Swipe Left, Swipe Right and Super Like by Swiping Up Shake the remote to Rewind your swipe if you're a Tinder Plus subscriber.
When you're done swiping, sign out and give your friends (or sister) a chance to swipe.”
Yeah, let your sister have a turn. Enjoy Tinder with your sister, Aunt Donna, and the rest of your family because that’s not weird at all.
Anyway, Tinder is coming to Apple TV with a new remote so you can blankly swipe left or right and hope that someone writes you back. Only now, your family can help you choose who you hook up with. How did we ever get by without having Tinder to gross us out?
They have a whole host of videos of the family enjoying Tinder together — again, this is such a strange ad campaign. You can check them out here, if you want to get lost in the saga that is this family using Tinder together.
Are you fluent in Emoji? Well, a London company has just the job for you.
According to the BBC, Today Translations, a language firm in London, is looking for a person to help aid in the “challenges posed by the world’s fastest-growing language.” This is going to help a lot of parents understand a lot of text messages.
This most-important of jobs would be joining the company’s “global network of over 3,000 linguists, with expertise in over 200 languages - as its first dedicated expert in this rapidly evolving form of international communication.” Think about it, this is probably the first step to getting to choose Emjoi as a language class in high school over German.
The ad continues “Emoji translation is itself an emerging field - but one dominated to date by software, which is often insensitive to the many cultural differences in usage and interpretation. We are therefore seeking an exceptional individual to provide the human touch needed where translation software is inadequate - and to help us become the go-to translation experts in this area.” You would be the first emoji translator in the world, possibly.
As society plummets ever deeper into the pit of despair, from which there is no chance of returning, a beacon of light shines in the distance.
There, at the bottom of the pit, lay the 2017 Carponizer Carp Calendar.
For the those unfamiliar, as undoubtedly many of you are, the Carponizer Carp Calendar is an erotic calendar that features models wearing nothing but a carp. Think of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue if all the women were holding a giant carp. Sexy.
The Toronto Sunreports, "The weird calendar was the brainchild of Hendrik Pohler and it’s getting a five-star rating on Amazon."
They're not lying. But the Amazon description is the real money. According to Amazon, the calendar is “one of the most extraordinary ideas of how this magnificent fish can be presented in an appealing setting,” managing to “courageously” make each month a little better. It boasts 12 “magnificent” caprs to create 12 “formidable and unmissable images.”
“Whether for yourself or as a tasteful gift: the 2017 Carponizer Carp Calendar will not only make men's hearts beat faster.” (The sentence just ends like that so we’ll never know what else this calendar does in addition to making men’s hearts beat faster). “
Wow. Nothing says tasteful gift, like calling your sexy fish and bikini girl calendar tasteful in the description.