The cultural divide is too real. They've created a nonsensical language of their own with these tweets. You can just vividly picture a slack-jawed American staring confusedly at their screen, hopelessly trying to decipher these.
2016 was terrible for a lot of reasons, and while we had hopes for 2017, four days in, they are no more.
Matt Lauer wore a choker on the Today Show.
What a time. pic.twitter.com/ygKf8AiJ70
— Maura Brannigan (@maura_brannigan) January 4, 2017
If you’re overcome with religious or spiritual shock. Please remain calm.
Allow me to say it again. Matt Lauer wore a choker on the Today Show. It’s a crushing blow to humankind. Thankfully, we’re all here to get through this national crisis together, Matt Lauer wearing a choker.
Tonight, when you get home, hold your kids a little tighter, tell your parents and loved one that you love them, for who knows what nightmares tomorrow will bring.
Via @woofjustin
I love retail pic.twitter.com/lGMN3tJfl7
— soft woof (@woofjustin) January 3, 2017
Save your receipts because if you don’t like something the Gap will accept your return, apparently.
This Gap employee accepted a return from almost 17 years ago, and trust us, this manager is nothing happy about it. Still, the red shirt-vest combo looks pretty dope.
The worst part of all, the manager can’t figure out which one of his disrespectful employees returned the garb, so they had to post this sad letter to the wall.
Sigh.
When will you kids learn to follow protocol?!?
New York City apartment: $1.2 million
Finding a Mandy Moore mosaic in the bathroom: Priceless.
Scott recently bought an apartment in Queens and found a beautiful mosaic in the bathroom. It turns out, however, that the mosaic isn’t just any old thing. It’s of Mandy Moore, popstar.
There’s not much to this story, except mystery. How long has this mosaic been there? Perhaps placed by the ancient ones? Why was it put there? What’s it trying to tell us? Not even Mandy Moore knows.
.@walkerkaplan It's equal parts flattering and terrifying?? 😬😬😬😬 https://t.co/eO9E6lwFm1
— Mandy Moore (@TheMandyMoore) January 3, 2017
Twitter is trying to get to the bottom of this.
What is happening on Wendy’s twitter?
After destroying a dude so badly the other day that he quit twitter, the Twitter feed of a fast-food restaurant known for something called the “Baconator” has been roasting all comers.
Wendy’s seems like it’s tired of playing third fiddle to McDonald’s and Burger King and is trying to establish place as the resident bad girl of the fast-food game. Their time has come. They will no longer be known for their square burgers. While the other guys might fry their food, we know Wendy’s is the only place to get roasted.
Check it out:
Via @Axikor2
The beautiful Hot Topic dictation.
— Ax Squared (@Axikor2) January 3, 2017
Since the original tweet was deleted. pic.twitter.com/X2AoffeWdu
@Axikor2 And part two. pic.twitter.com/WmemRQZJTS
— Ax Squared (@Axikor2) January 3, 2017
You think it’s annoying dealing with Jeremy from accounting, try dealing with this dude who will soon become “The Eternal Dragon Guardian of Time.”
This Hot Topic employee is a real champ, engaging in the ramblings of royal being from another realm. How nice of them to respond to a statement like “my scales are turning gold, like my father’s” with “Well, that’s good then.” Or this classic exchange:
"I do not have rights to your soul."
"Oh, yeah, for real."
How else can you respond?
It’s hard to imagine a GAP employee or Hollister cashier having a light-hearted chat with a deity whose human form resembles Kevin Smith, but that’s why Hot Topic employees deserve a metal. Not only are they selling shirts that read “Can’t Sleep Clowns Will Eat Me,” but also they are the keepers of the peace between the human realm and the dragon realm, using the calming language of “Oh my goodness” and “Honest in all honesty.”
Originally posted by Twitter user @pamyuprince, the words of the Hot Topic employee shall ring through time, so that all may hear the dragon lord'a dictation. Also, someone made a mockup of one of their best lines on a shirt:
It's @pamyuprince in shirt form pic.twitter.com/dKgxIsS5D9
— Kimiko Tohomiko (@YourBroKitty) January 3, 2017
Via Nerdwriter1
How does Trump bring the world to its knees in 140 characters? This YouTuber things he knows the answer.
President-elect Donald Trump, the reality-TV gameshow host who won the presidency last year, can cause an international incident with only the power of his thumbs. Through Twitter, Trump delivers the unfiltered id that is our next four years, but what is he looking to accomplish by sending so many into a panic? There isn’t a whole lot of room for nuance or explanation in a Tweet, and those details are critical. Now, as his incoming press secretary said that he’ll be making major policy announcements via Twitter, it’s worth understanding how Trump tweets.
This video from the Nerdwriter does a great job breaking down the tweets by device, tone, and punctuation to come to this conclusion: Trump isn’t using Twitter like a politician, he’s using it like regular person. Trump tweets for impact, and he knows how to do it. The Nerdwriter gets into some of the science of tweeting and more. Check it out.
Tip of the day: Tip!
It’s not easy working for tips. It takes time, patience, and sometimes your own money. Some of you may think,
hey, get a better a job," but we should all at least be under the assumption that if you are doing a service, compensation is a required. Unless, we're looking at different form of economics, like one where we exchange Pez for goods and services.
Well, someone needed to tell Hollywood director Brett Ratner, who is worth $65 million. Ratner, who directed several monster hits, including the Rush Hour movies, Red Dragon, Tower Heist, and X-Men: The Last Stand, bought an iPhone for $950 through a delivery app. But when it was delivered, he forgot to tip his delivery man.
Unbenownst to him, the delivery driver was a Los Angeles comedian named Ben Avery, who expected a tip. When Ratner failed to give him one to compensate for his time, energy, and gas, he decided to “tweet at him once a day asking for $5."
Avery told The Daily Dot, he figured “[Ratner] would probably block me or whatever. Two weeks go by of me tweeting at him until he finally responds.”
Check out the exchange from The Daily Dot and remember to always tip!
Via The Daily Dot
Twitter, don’t you know that you’re toxic?
Yesterday, hackers found their way onto Sony Music Global’s Twitter account and left a harsh post for a world that just isn’t in the mood for this type of thing. I mean, come on, enough with it already.
Of course, of all the fake news this year, this hacked account was among the poorest. Without even a though to capitalization – let alone syntax — the hackers’ tweet wasn’t really fooling anyone and just being kind of big jerks about everything. Give us a break with "dead by accident."
Sony pulled the tweet and released a follow-up, assuring us that Britney is fine and blaming the hacking group OurMine. 
via The Daily Dot/@SonyMusicGlobal
According to the The Daily Dot, “OurMine is the hacking group that took control of several Twitter accounts just last week, including those from the NFL, Netflix, and Marvel. The group also hacked and released the stupidly simple password of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s account back in June.”
Maybe you didn’t hear us: Leave. Britney. Alone.
Next time you start naming all seven reindeer, you might want to stop and open a book first.
Turns out that lots of people in the world didn't realize that reindeer are actually real, and it’s blowing minds everywhere. Perhaps we should start a change.org petition to rename them Real-deer? We’ll see.
For those who don’t know, the reindeer is referred to as a caribou in North America, but are native to Europe, Northern Asia, Siberia, Alaska, and more. So while some live on the North Pole, you can also find them on most continents and not only on Christmas. They live everyday of the year. Frankly, most of them are pretty peeved that they don’t have a cool name like “Dasher.”
People on Twitter sure were surprised to find out that Reindeer were real, though. Maybe they should’ve read our report that Domino’s in Japan was training Reindeer to deliver pizzas before totally failing because REINDEER AREN’T MAGICAL CREATURES THAT WILL NEITHER MAKE YOUR SLEIGH FLY NOR DELIVER YOUR PIZZA BECAUSE MAGIC ISN’T REAL. Unless, of course, we’re talking about the magic of David Blain, which is very real.
Check out some of the best reactions to finding out Reindeer are real. Heh. Next people are going to say Santa Claus isn’t real. Then where do the toys come from, Doug? Where do the toys come from? Jeez, Doug, I hate you.
Last night, Alan Ferrier from Edienburg, Scottland, did the impossible: He improved the perfect wikipedia photo caption. With the addition of the word “right” to this photo of a man playing bagpipes and an “indifferent” penguin, Ferrier showed the world the power of editing Wikipedia for hilarious, and factual, gains.
That’s when things took a turn. Twitter began editing this picture of Piper Kerr, who is on the right, ok?
@alanferrier Alright, who did this? pic.twitter.com/eYfXZAt9P9
— brentitude (@brentitude) December 13, 2016
Then found other pictures that could use more facts, like this one of seated economist Guy Standing.
@alanferrier @DianaKristinne I was always parcial to this one pic.twitter.com/kHX52qguGA
— Alejandro Ispani (@jajandio) December 13, 2016
Users found numerous captions in need of extra truth, like this one of Cecil the Lion’s brother, Jericho the Lion, who is also a lion.
@alanferrier @StephenFleming pic.twitter.com/ZxfVrwRe0i
— Joel Engel (@joelengel) December 13, 2016
And some they didn’t have to caption at all:
@alanferrier @YoorWullie at last a challenger for this 'un pic.twitter.com/3dtDI1qM9I
— Rorebhoy (@rorebhoy) December 13, 2016
@alanferrier @vrcsports reminds me of this pic.twitter.com/UmaQphtSfj
— Alan (@AjdeAlan) December 14, 2016
It just goes to show that there can never be too much truth in the world.
It’s the Holiday season, and as Disney has promised us, we will be getting a new Star Wars pretty much every year until the end of time. That’s fine with the people that have already seen the latest installment, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.
Disney amassed a crew of stars and critics for the premiere of the new movie on Saturday, and unless they’re playing some Jedi mind tricks, the force is strong with this one. While full reviews won’t be out until Tuesday, we’ll just use this jolt of excitement to get us through the next few hours.
So if seeing this movie to boycott the boycott wasn’t enough to convince you, these tweets should push over to the dark side.
